我奔溃了,求助英语好的大虾们给翻译哈。

元 芳

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Copy of a hotel brochure, from a hotel in Beijing, China-VERY funny...

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English

Getting There
:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

@ccc @臭农民

:dx:
 
这是招待所一级的酒店吧
 
這。。。笑口常開那兒的笑話也沒這好玩。:shale::p
 
upload_2014-5-24_11-49-40.png


有够惨烈。
 
Crazily funny.
Thanks for sharing.

Copy of a hotel brochure, from a hotel in Beijing, China-VERY funny...

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English

Getting There
:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

@ccc @臭农民

:dx:
 
刚看到可怜的宾馆头啊,要吃多少龙虾补啊
 
网上有老外贴了张国内宾馆的告示,中英文都有。大意是吸毒买春违法。英文是写,当吸毒时买春违法。
 
The translation into Chinese:


前往酒店

在机场裡我们的代表就讓你等,沿途酒店專車經過湖边,很快你会想尿尿,當你緊張不得了時酒店就快到了。我们的經理会在门口等着,他常常想和新住客做爱。

酒店

我们是家庭旅馆,當然歡迎小孩,我们十分接受通奸。我们有專业護士在晩间数落你的孩子。客人们可以在酒吧性交和讓人旁观,但女仕们不能在酒吧生孩子。我们安排些社交遊戲,住客不用自慰。

餐厅大

我们的菜单裡的菜色是特意顕出平淡和单调,用餐的时候我们的四人组会去毎一枱跟你们摸摸揸揸。

房间

每一间房都有很好的为你私處而設的設備,冬天時房间会另你心熱如火,房间的露台有不堪入目的迷人景色!房裡没有車声干扰你的睡眠,因为酒店和湖之间的路只有恋童的变态人来往。



我们用傳统的方法修拾床,如果你有其它需要,請按鈐召喚女佣,请你占她便宜,她会很喜欢把你的衬衫和內衣壓着,如果你问她,她也可以把你的褲壓着。

總括

你的假期完结后,當你离开我们的酒店時,你沒有希望了。你会想盡辦法忘记我们!

你的假期完结后,當你离开我们的酒店時,你沒有希望了。你会想盡辦法忘记我们!
 
乘车路线:
我们的代表将会使你在机场等候。公交车到酒店沿着湖边跑。很快你就会感到愉悦的通水。你就会知道,你所得到的酒店附近,因为你会发疯。经理会等待着你在门口。他总是试图性交与所有新客人。

该酒店:
这是一间家庭酒店,让孩子们都非常欢迎。当然,我们总是高兴地接受了奸淫。高度熟练的护士,可在晚上放下你的孩子。客人可以灵活运用在酒吧和自己暴露给他人。但请注意,女士们不允许有婴儿在酒吧。我们组织的社交游戏,所以没有客人是永远独自与他们的自我发挥。

该餐厅:
我们的菜单都经过精心选择的是普通的和平平无奇。在晚饭时,我们的四重奏将从表发给表,摆弄你。

你的房间:
每间客房都为你的私处一流的设施。在冬季,每间客房的热量。每个房间都有一个阳台,享有杰出的意淫! ..你不会被交通噪音干扰,因为酒店和湖之间的道路只能由pederasts使用。

床:
你的床已按照当地的传统。如果您有任何其他想法,请响的女仆。请利用她。她会很高兴地挤压你的衬衫,上衣和内衣。如果问,她也将挤压你的裤子。

以上所有:
当您离开我们的假期结束,你不会有任何希望。你将很难忘记它。
 
"She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed."
" you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."

:dx::dx:
 
Passing water Urinate
Intercourse. Indirect reference to sexual intercourse
Conjugate. Again oblique reference to sex, refer to prisoners' conjugal visit when they can have sex with their girlfriend or spouse
Put down. To shame or embarrass, slang
Fiddle with. To mess around, play around with, in a casual way, oblique reference to sexual intent
Take advantage of someone. If someone is female, there is a sexual connotation.
Pederast. One who likes to have sex with boys
 
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