翁写给杨的一封信,写的很牛,翻译更牛

不错

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Cold here, icy cold there. You belong to neither, leaves have
withered.Your face is pale and blue, a tearful smile. Something in your eyes,whispers words of last good-bye. My heart sinks down, tears surge out.

此处冷,彼处更冷。枯叶凋零,君属何人。君面惨淡忧郁,含泪而笑。君热泪盈
眶,喃喃自语,难言再见。妾心沉落,泪涌似涛。

Hot summer. Cheerful Cocktail. You took my hand. We fled into another
world. You sat by my side, long hair tied behind, cool and killing.
Smile floating on the lemonade, soft and smooth. How I was? amazed. Your face looked like the cover of the magazine. My head spin. Youled my hand, danced along the crazy theme.


酷夏。仍忆鸡尾酒会。君执妾手,共享二人世界。君坐妾之侧,长发束于脑后,英姿勃发。笑容荡漾。妾讶君面尤类杂志封面。旋转,君执妾手,疯狂舞曲。

Light vied with wine, elegance mixed with fragrance, laughing covered by greetings, the crowed was busy at handshaking. You stood there, eyes on me. I trembled at the sparkles, brighter than the light. A masterpiece from God, I felt dizzy. We were not near, yet we were together.

灯酒相辉,芳雅相应,祝辞笑声此起彼伏,芸芸皆劳碌于握手。君站立一旁,美目探妾。妾莹灯下颤颤而立。此必上帝之杰作,使晕眩。虽妾与君相隔甚远,然心相近。

Days ended. You said, you would wait for me at th e Alps side. We would ski against snowflakes dancing in the sky. I gave no answer but a good-bye to accompany your flight. Gone was the plane, I suddenly tasted my pain. I knew I had been silly and stupid, you were in my heart, I shouldn’t have hidden in the dark. I tried to forget your
disappointment. I made believe sometime someday, I would tell you, I
feel all the same.

往日已去。君云君将于阿尔卑斯山畔待妾,滑雪于雪花飞舞之天空下。妾欲说还休,但嘱祝福。飞机渐逝,妾心将苦。妾深知妾之愚蠹,君已窃妾心,妾当不可漠然于暗中彷徨。妾尝试忘君之失,然无可善终。妾信某日某时,妾将告君妾心永驻。

My thought struggled at confessing, somehow hesitation ended in flinching. I continued my role of a fool, clinched to my maiden pride, yet secretly indulged in your promise of the white land -- snow measuring down to us, in your arms I am lifted up. The chiming of Christmas bell!

妾于忏悔中挣扎,不时退缩,犹豫。妾愚于处子之婚,然潜纵于君之诺。白雪皑
皑,君挽妾身,妾意甚欢,共听圣诞钟声。

The bell died in the patter of rain, from hell came the laughing of
Satan at my brain. Tearful smile, swallowed by the darkness. How could I trace your hair to wipe your tears? My hands reached out, catching nothing but a raindrop, on a leaf that had withered.

钟声忽止于急雨,乃听撒旦之笑声。含泪微笑,黑暗相伴。妾欲寻君之发擦君之泪而不可。妾伸手欲触,无他,但枯叶一雨滴耳。

Snowflakes have melted into water, we are no more together.
雪花渐融,妾与君仍天各一方。。。
 
最初由 不错 发布
Cold here, icy cold there. You belong to neither, leaves have
withered.Your face is pale and blue, a tearful smile. Something in your eyes,whispers words of last good-bye. My heart sinks down, tears surge out.

此处冷,彼处更冷。枯叶凋零,君属何人。君面惨淡忧郁,含泪而笑。君热泪盈
眶,喃喃自语,难言再见。妾心沉落,泪涌似涛。

*My heart sinks-------is there a need for "down"?
*君热泪盈
眶,喃喃自语,难言再见 = Something in your eyes,whispers words of last good-bye?
 
呵呵,为了这封信老杨也值了。这译的也厉害啊。不过这

I continued my role of a fool, clinched to my maiden pride

译成

"妾愚于处子之矜"比"妾愚于处子之婚"更确切一点吧?
 
Hot summer. Cheerful Cocktail. You took my hand. We fled into another world. You sat by my side, long hair tied behind, cool and killing. Smile floating on the lemonade, soft and smooth. How I was? amazed. Your face looked like the cover of the magazine. My head spin. Youled my hand, danced along the crazy theme.


酷夏。仍?膈尾酒?。君?妾手,共享二人世界。君坐妾之?,樘办束于呢后,英姿勃办。笑容?漾。妾舆君面尤?塍志封面。旋弈,君?妾手,?狂舞曲。

~~~~~~~~~
效锪一下?

酷夏。仍?膈尾酒?。君?妾手,恍若置身天景。君坐妾?,樘办束于呢后,英姿勃办。笑?漾起于?檬茶上╋?柔??。妾舆。君面尤?塍志封面。旋弈,君?妾手,?狂舞曲。
 
Re: Re: 翁写给杨的一封信,写的很牛,翻译更牛

最初由 如假包换的马甲 发布


*My heart sinks-------is there a need for "down"?
*君热泪盈
眶,喃喃自语,难言再见 = Something in your eyes,whispers words of last good-bye?

Something in your eyes,whispers words of last good-bye.

君?眼喃呢,仿如永耘。
 
Re: Re: Re: 翁写给杨的一封信,写的很牛,翻译更牛

最初由 SmilingWolf 发布
Something in your eyes,whispers words of last good-bye.
君?眼喃呢,仿如永耘。
不如原来的简洁: "君泪盈眶,难言再见"
 
我觉得,
Something in your eyes, whispers words of last good-bye.
还是译成”君眼喃呢,仿如永诀“比较好。

若是
Something in your eyes, whispers last words of good-bye.

则译成“君泪盈眶,难言再见" 比较好。

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
呵呵,不知道那小妮子当时到底怎么想的? ^_^
 
我是觉得last good-bye有永诀的意思啦,和第一段描述的生离死别的场景也还相称。
不过还是一句话,不知道那小妮子当时到底怎么想的。 ^_^
 
最初由 SmilingWolf 发布
我是觉得last good-bye有永诀的意思啦,和第一段描述的生离死别的场景也还相称。
不过还是一句话,不知道那小妮子当时到底怎么想的。 ^_^
问题不在后半部, 而是"喃呢"用在"君眼"之后不行. 你的"喃呢"就是"呢喃"的意思吧, 那么它描写的是"软语呓言", 与眼睛无关.
 
君眼喃呢......
想想这个是给谁写的好不好,我想着就寒

另外,怎么都觉得是汉语先写完翻译成英语的啊
 
最初由 timmy 发布

问题不在后半部, 而是"喃呢"用在"君眼"之后不行. 你的"喃呢"就是"呢喃"的意思吧, 那么它描写的是"软语呓言", 与眼睛无关.

Something in your eyes, whispers words of last good-bye.

我觉得“君眼呢喃”比“君泪盈眶”要确切些。 原文是说男主角的眼晴会说话,是一种修辞手法。
 
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