She always has excuses of why her English hasn't been improved since she came....

[sophiezhong]

My friend Maggie is very cute girl, nice smile is always on her face. She graduated from Qinghua university, and came to Canada for her master degree three months ago. When I first heard she was from QingHua, I thought she must be good at everything on study include English. Until one day she was on the phone with some customer service, Oh my God, her english was brutal. It just killed my ears. That happened three months ago when she first came. It was understandable and forgivable. Anyway, few days ago I was in her place, she was on the phone again with an english speaking person. Oh my God, still the same. Wait until she finished her call, I asked her:" Your English still sounds the same! What did you do in the past three month?" Her answer was pretty shocking. She said:" I didn't get chance talk to anybody who speaks English." Hey, she is in Canada now, she said she ain't got one chance to speak English in the past three months. Alright, she lives with Chinese, hangs out with Chinese ONLY, and when she is at school, her supervisor is also Chinese. Don't you think she is still in China? I have seen a lot people who are like her, it's very common. I asked her why, she didn't really asnwer me, and asked me a question, said:" I don't think when you came to Canada for only three months, your English was any better than what I am right now.Your English is so good now because you have canadian friends,and you have been here almost 6 years. You English should be good, and my English is bad is acceptable" I started to getting pissed off at her words. Three months compares to 6 years , yeah, it is a short period time, but that couldn't be an excuse of your English hasn't been improved. I came here 6 years doesn't mean my English should be as good as right now. She came only three months doesn't mean her English has all the reason in the world not to be improved. We then talked about the daily chances of speaking English. I told her, the chances of English speaking will not be created by just stay at home. She had to agreed with me because she admitted she stayed at home most of her spare time,even though when she is in class, just come and go. She talks, but Chinese only. She is doing all those and I am expecting her English could be improved. What a joke. She always says she is a lazy person, doesn't like going out or communicate with stranger, only when she was forced, then she has to speak English. Great, even she is here for 6 years, her English will never be the same good as mine, not even close. Her dream job is being an university faculty. With her English like that, I don't think any of her students will understand her.
I told her she has to walk out of her room and talk. She gave me her excuses again,said:" Who I can talk to? Talk to somebody on the street that I don't know and looks like an idiot? " I yelled at her:" Why you care if you are an idiot? You are speaking English and learning it, what's wrong with that? You may think I have all those candian friends around me all the time,becasue they are all losers and have no other friends to hang out with? That's why they are with me? You stay at home, people don't even get chance to know you, how can they hang out with you? You are expecting people will come up to your face, kiss your ass to speak English to them? I don't think so. " After what I said, she became speechless. She knew she had nothing to reply. Before I left her place, I gave her my last words for that conversation:" No excuses for your bad English, you made into the top univesity in China, you can also make your English good."

 

[Obiwan]

Your intention is good; however, it is bit of harsh to lambaste your friend who is only here for 3 months.

I am sure you have gone through the experience of learning a new language in a new environment, and you must have struggled to push yourself out of the door to interact with the native Canadians. By getting out of the door and to talk with the locals, it takes courage, and especially, as you have mentioned that she was studying in one of top University in China, and her acedemic must be very fine. Usually, people as such has very high self esteem and they don't like to make fool of themself in front of the others. I would say now that your friend is just very scare of talking to others and when she talks, she is probably very intense. In the end, those are common signs for someone who is only here for 3 months.

I DO agree with you that speaking with native Canadians and making friends with them is the best solution and I should say it is the quickest solution to overcome the language barrier, because through the converstion and activities, you are not only picking up the language but also understanding the culture.

Nonetheless, you shuld give your friends time and perhaps, you could invite her to join you next time when you are going out to meet your Canadian friends and by introducing them to her will help her immensely.

Let's stick out our hands to our friends who need help as opposed to criticize them.

 

[sophiezhong]

I do agree with you on most your points. I have to say that I have brought them to meet my canadian friends, I had few parties at my place. Unfortunately, only two things they have done were just keep slience, and smile,totally looked like barbie dolls and 5 mintues later they have gone to some where else or I was told that they have to go home blah blah. My canadian friends sometimes wondered why my friends always smile but not talk. I only can use they are too shy to talk as an excuse to cover them. When I go out with my friends to shopping, they just push me out to talk when they need something. I always receive compliments of my English from them, all I can say to them is you can do that too beside thank you. Three months are too short to make huge progress on English. I don't even expect anybody could have made it. Most of people think when you are in English speaking enviornment, your English eventually becomes good. This is not accurate. When you are in this environment, are you really taking the resource out and using it to help yourself become better?

 

[Obiwan]

Ultimately, it is your friend's responsibility to open herself to accept and be accepted by this society. I believe it is only matter of time for your friend to be comfortable around Canadians and to speak freely. In terms of how well will her English be, that will depand on how much she is willing to be part of this society.

I hope six months from today, you could look back this post and tell me that your friend has improved her English tremendously.

Let's help our friends.

 

[sophiezhong]

I hope her English will be improved sooner or later. She has all the time in the world. One thing I don't really like about her which is her excuses. When people always find excuses to convince themselves not to be as good as they can, that's an attitude issue. You are right, it all depends on how much she is willing to be part of this society! If she doesn't have any good will, nothing can be changed. No matter how interesting the society is, but she is not interested. You can't force people to like something they don't. Actually I don't like English whatsoever. I always had bad English grades in high school when I was in China. That gave my parents and teachers a lot headache. My Dad even worried about my English after I left to Canada. I had hard time in my ESL class when I first came. If you are talking about speaks bad English makes you looks like an idiot. I was an idiot.People laughed at me. Chinese people always talk about the face. I just can't stand Canadians give me bad attitude because my English is not good enough and make me so embarrassed.That is an insult. I don't want to be an idiot anymore. I want my face back. To speak good English in Canada is only the first step to make other to give you enough expect. I made it. Until now I still have no idea how I exactly made this happen, but at least I know I talked too much everytime. I uderstand all the language difficulties that other people have now. But how many people are really gonna face to those difficulties and try to overcome? Language is not only a language, but also a tool for your life in Canada. Take your time, and do some real things to improve English, your life in Canada could be easier.

 

[Obiwan]

It is true, it is an attitude issue, that is why some people are still speaking poor English after many years living in an English speaking environment. It has nothing to do with whether you like English or not. When you live in China, if you were interested in a new language, it would help you to learn; however, when you are here, it has become a part of your life, another words, you don't get to choose, your life chooses you.

I personally haven't had any canadians who laughed at me and making fun of me when I make mistake in my English. In turn, they usually help me to correct the mistake and to ensure that I won't make the same mistake again. Language is an art, it involves culture, history and geographic factors. After living here for almost two decades, I am still learning the English language as I go. Languages are changing and we will have to adapt to the changes as well. The only way to to keep up with the on-going changes, is to interact with the society, and paying attention to the things that has happened around us.

 

[sophiezhong]

I don't wonder how those people who speak poor English can live in Canada so many years! It happenes too often. People admire other people who speak good English. Meanwhile don't they think what they have done to their language learning process? Interact with this society, that's easy to say, difficult to do. People come to Canada, and say I can't fit into this society. Oh, yeah. You don't understand the language,which means you don't really understand the culture. How can you make yourself to be comfortable in here? Language is a culture thing. You learn a lot culture stuff while you learn a language. When Canadian society has choosen you for now, how people react to it? Complaining? or something else? Also,how to make people to accept the changes that have happened around them? and what they really need to do to build their new life in Canada.

 

[某某]

Next time, try having a smaller party so that your friend won't be overwhelmed by the large number of strangers. With a smaller group of people, she may become more comfortable to speak. But don't be mad if she doesn't start right away. It's always difficult to speak to strangers. So let her hang out with a few of your close friends first and get her familiar with them. Keep encouraging her, and one day she will thank you for supporting her through the learning. But if you keep getting mad at her, she may turn away from you, and getting stuck in her tiny little shell for even longer.

 

[Obiwan]

I support smaller party, that way you can eat more and drink more.

 

[sophiezhong]

Another good one. The parties I had Maximum people of 6, which were only few of them are Canadian born Asian guys. Those guys are pretty active, they talked to Maggie first, but Maggie replied few words such as hi, how are you, or thanks and smiled. Maggie didn't want to talk at the first place. I can't force her to talk either. I know it's very difficult talk to strangers. When those guys wanted to talk to Maggie, Maggie's attitude just pushed them away. I have done most of things to help my new friends to improve their English, and I am still doing it. I am mad because of their attitude. You have to have a positve attitude to do things right at first. When you are willing to be helped, then people can help you. I share my Canadian friends with my Chinese friends, I create chances to improve their English, but the positive outcome hasn't come out yet. I don't know the problem is on my side or their side. I have told every of my friends the way how I learned my English, but they don't really listen.

 

[Obiwan]

This makes me believe that your friend is not very active no matter where, and perhaps even in China, she might not want to interact with others. If that is the case, then it is the personality issue, and that is beyond your control.

Try to help them but not to babysit them, that way you won't get mad if the results weren't coming out as perfect as you expected. Bottomline is that you are their friend, not their parents.

 

[1784]

suck it up woman

 

[sophiezhong]

Please be respectful

 

[sophiezhong]

最初由 Obiwan 发布
This makes me believe that your friend is not very active no matter where, and perhaps even in China, she might not want to interact with others. If that is the case, then it is the personality issue, and that is beyond your control.

Try to help them but not to babysit them, that way you won't get mad if the results weren't coming out as perfect as you expected. Bottomline is that you are their friend, not their parents.

When Maggie is with me and other Chinese people, she is a outgoing person. We always have a lot to talk. I'd like to figure out what actually stops her!

 

[某某]

Well, to be honest, you have to let your friend be. Giving advices is good, but don't force it onto her. Just as Obiwan said, you are their friend, not their parents. Relax and enjoy the time with your friends, either they learn English well or not, they are still themselves, the friends you made.