请帮助我检查新刘越的捐款网页

[Riven]

http://www.comefromchina.com/liuyue/index.htm

有任何不妥或错别字我将尽快改正

 

[一二三]

不是小朋友的照片要马赛克吗

http://www.comefromchina.com/liuyue/index.htm

有任何不妥或错别字我将尽快改正

 

[000002]

孩子们多可爱啊。唉。
The main text font color may need to be changed to a better contrast color for better accessibility.

 

[笨妈笨爸]

Looks nice!

 

[笨妈笨爸]

Donation to? Help raising funds instead of help raise funds?

 

[小地主]

英文应该再找人斟酌。。象cold and empty home in Ottawa..听起来不是很通顺。.

 

[asdfqwer]

http://www.comefromchina.com/liuyue/index.htm

有任何不妥或错别字我将尽快改正

没法quote，倒数第三段反过来说听着更顺耳。Thanks to the efforts of ..., the Chinese community had collected more than $20000 over the weekend.

 

[hatco]

照片不用马赛克啦，Ｏｔｔａｗａ　ＳＵＮ已经登出照片了。

 

[morningStarWars]

CHeque: Payable to.....
don't capital H.

 

[ccc]

能把text帖上来么?

颜色的搭配让人读起来费力。

 

[hotswapping]

为什么我没法捐呢 得到错误信息如下
This recipient is currently unable to receive money.

 

[Riven]

为什么我没法捐呢 得到错误信息如下
This recipient is currently unable to receive money.

非常抱歉、捐款额度已经超过paypal警戒值，正在打电话沟通。

 

[小 篆]

初扫了一遍，发现如下问题：
Paragraph 3， line 4
Fanyan, [comma not necessary] and [the] daughter, aged 9, were laying [lying] on the beach.

Paragraph 4, line 1
Just as Yue was losing all hope [might be better to say was about to lose all hope], a Canadian man who saw this take place jumped into the waters...

The last but 5th paragraph, last line
the Liu family is not only dealing with the tragic loss of Yue, but also faces [faced] with a difficult financial challenge [might be better to substitute the word "challenge" with "situation" or simply remove the word "difficult" as normally challenge is described with words like big or small, not difficult.]

Last but 3rd paragraph, 1st line
This is thanks to the efforts to the...

应该还有一些可以改进的地方，网页看着太费劲，又不能copy paste过来，来回翻看发贴，不如发个文字版过来放这里让大家改吧。

 

[小地主]

初扫了一遍，发现如下问题：
Paragraph 3， line 4
Fanyan, [comma not necessary] and [the] daughter, aged 9, were laying [lying] on the beach.

Paragraph 4, line 1
Just as Yue was losing all hope [might be better to say was about to lose all hope], a Canadian man who saw this take place jumped into the waters...

The last but 5th paragraph, last line
the Liu family is not only dealing with the tragic loss of Yue, but also faces [faced] with a difficult financial challenge [might be better to substitute the word "challenge" with "situation" or simply remove the word "difficult" as normally challenge is described with words like big or small, not difficult.]

Last but 3rd paragraph, 1st line
This is thanks to the efforts to the...

应该还有一些可以改进的地方，网页看着太费劲，又不能copy paste过来，来回翻看发贴，不如发个文字版过来放这里让大家改吧。

我也是觉得有些过于口语化，书面语语法措辞上更应严谨一些。。。另外在tone上是不是应该带有希望。。。
路还很长。。。
逝者安息，生者坚强。。

 

[小 篆]

我也是觉得有些过于口语化，书面语语法措辞上更应严谨一些。。。另外在tone上是不是应该带有希望。。。
路还很长。。。
逝者安息，生者坚强。。

有你罩着我就大着胆子再说一句吧，口语化是一个问题，还有就是整篇文章感觉有点散，中心不够突出，也许是照着中文稿翻过来的，如果用英文直接写，应该可以写得更简洁一些。