是真的吗?太可悲了,难道我们走错了?

本帖由 故乡明月2017-07-12 发布。版面名称:渥太华华人论坛

  1. 故乡明月

    故乡明月 初级会员 ID:125889

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  2. 为了孩子,不要移民这里!”二代华裔真心话引发全体中国人深思!
    2017-07-12 来源:加拿大移民家园 分类:加拿大新闻 阅读(74) 评论(0)

    我7岁就和父母从老家山西移民到美国东岸,长在美国,深度了解美国文化,而成年之后拼命补回中文的一个有事业野心和打拼精神的30岁小伙子,想和大家分享一下我的看法:

    多年以来,很多中国父母穷极一生做着一场移民到美国的梦。这些父母认为美国空气质量高,生活富足,收入可观,孩子在美国也能取得比中国更好的未来。


    为了这个梦,他们不惜一切地把孩子带到美国,甚至直接来美国产子——这样孩子直接能获得美国护照,从出生那天直接成为梦寐以求的 “美国人”。

    无数的中国父母认为孩子因为年龄小而适应能力强,在美国长大一定会享受无数的色彩和发展机会。 “为了孩子的未来” 被中国家长当作最重要的移民原因之一。

    但我的亲身经历告诉我,大部分中国父母决定把年幼的子女带到美国的时候,实际上根本没弄清楚在美国文化(甚至西方文化)长大究竟对华裔孩子到底有多么大的负面影响,对他们的归属感,认同感,搭建人脉圈子的能力,将来的职业生涯的发展,有多大的打击。

    首先,很多移民美国的中国父母,大多时候,对美国社会对华裔的态度和待遇一窍不通。他们执着地认为,中国空气污染,教育系统压力重大,地域歧视泛滥,风俗不健康,人们普遍素质欠佳,等等原因造就了他们对美国的浓厚向往。他们对美国的知识和了解一般都是从其他中国朋友,网上,电视等等渠道听到的。但是这种信息来源是片面的。

    中国父母听不到美国华裔遭受的苦难和不公等待遇,各种日常生活之中的歧视。关于美国长大的 ABC (美籍华人)的生活真相他们更从来没接触过。所以中国父母有什么依据来一味,执着地认为让子女变成“美国人”就一定对他们将来利大于弊呢?

    实际上,我很少(甚至都没有)见到美国长大的ABC亲自站出来告诉中国父母他们自己在美国长大的感受——大部分在美国长大的中国孩子一般不会太多中文,由于他们从小就缺乏汉语环境,听不到看不见中文,哪怕周末再努力地去“中文学校” 补自己的母语也往往不够。孩子渐渐得就把中文完全忘光了,长的个炎黄子孙的脸,而一句中文都说不出来。

    这些ABC没法和他们的中国父母交流,更没法将作为美籍华人的真实感受分享给他们的父母和说中文的朋友。反而,因为中国父母听不到子女的心声,就误以为子女都活得非常滋润,认为子女一定已经完全融入美国主流白人圈子了。

    [​IMG]

    但是ABC在美国生活的普遍没有父母认为的那么滋润!

    大部分ABC不和父母交流心声,不意味着他们都活得比中国长大的孩子好。

    虽然他们不用呼吸中国污染的空气,也不需要榨尽脑汁披星戴月地背唐诗宋词,但是长在美国的ABC们普遍遭受隐形的心理迫害:

    1)永久的文化隔阂, 2) 终身摆脱不了的二等公民待遇(特别是华裔男生), 及3)消除不掉的种种事业障碍。

    这些隐形的弊端对孩子构成很长期的压力和迫害,父母至少应该深度了解一下孩子在美国的真实情况,多和孩子交流,多听听孩子的心声,而不要一味去否认这些负面因素,自私地为了保护自己的尊严而遗弃了对孩子的关照和协助。

    文化隔阂:永久,且难以避免


    1)长在美国的华裔孩子遭受永久性的文化隔阂,没有体验过的中国父母很难完全理解

    美国虽然有很多好处,想象的那么公平。在美国长大的ABC虽然英语和白人一样流利(经常会比他们更好),但是由于他们长得一张中国脸,几乎融入不进美国主流文化。

    ABC大部分还是和其他ABC一起玩儿。虽然小时候还是能交到各个种族的朋友(我小时候也有白人朋友,黑人朋友,等等)但是成年之后很少看到ABC能在主流白人圈子里如鱼得水。和语言无关——西方文化很歧视我们中国人这种长相。

    美国文化认为华裔没有白人优越,设定了诸多很难推翻的刻板印象——只会埋头苦干,没有领导能力,不善言辞,没有人格魅力。很多白人,包括媒体人,都会公开嘲笑华裔的体型不如白人强壮,笑话华裔眼睛小,不如白人好看等等很恶劣的讥讽。

    [​IMG]

    (美国人对中国人的典型偏见:眯缝小眼睛,送中餐外卖)

    读初中和高中的华裔孩子则很容易受其他种族孩子的欺负,步入社会之后也会经常受到很多变相的歧视。总而言之,这些负面因素积少成多,能使很多ABC失去自信,播撒失败的种子。

    由于上述诸多原因,ABC在美国实际上就是活在一个文化狭缝之中。

    他们虽然长在美国,学了英语,但是永远不会被视为真正的 American。同时,他们也融入不了中国人的圈子。我读大学之时,亲自看到ABC被中国留学生嘲笑——为什么长的中国人的脸而中文一句都不会说?

    ABC 既不被美国圈子欢迎,同样也不被自己的中国人接纳,这种文化隔阂和绝望的感受是中国父母没法了解的,但中国父母一定要意识到这个问题的存在。

    很多中国父母一直逼迫孩子去努力融入美国主流,但是我今天想让所有中国父母知道:哪怕你的再努力融入美国圈子,你终究不会成功。美国人一看我们的中国面孔就把我们视为外人了。一个有中国面孔的黄种人,不管你英语再地道,是融入不进美国核心白人圈子的。美国人就从来没想把我们中国人当成自己的人看。“孩子稍微再努力一把就能融入白人圈子”不过是个妄想。

    融入不了美国圈子,但是同时也失去了中国圈子的精神支持,ABC身处于一个非常尴尬的地步。况且,这种尴尬几乎没法解决,因为孩子在美国长大那几年已经耽误了他们学好中文的那段日子了。

    这是个非常严重的问题,移民海外的父母一定要了解这种处境对孩子有多大的打击。物以类聚,人以群分。每个人的心态健康实际上都取决于有自己的圈子。人都得有归属感,有一个自己不受歧视的群体。

    移民到美国的父母不经意得就把子女这个很重要的“归属感”和“圈子”掐掉了。没有圈子,没有认同感,对大部分人的心理有长期的伤害,甚至能导致孩子患上抑郁症甚至自杀。

    二等公民身份:终身如影随形


    2)长在美国的华裔孩子终身摆脱不了二等公民的身份

    把孩子早年带到美国的父母没意识到,来美国的行为就等于剥夺了子女将来回中国的选择。

    这个选择实际上很重要。为什么? 每个人都得有个家乡。

    如果父母强迫孩子“虽然长得一张中国脸”,但是只能在西方国家生活。这意味着孩子只能在白人主导的社会之下而生存。华裔在美国普遍被视为二等公民,比白人低一档次(甚至比黑人都低)。

    父母能接受这种现实,那也是因为这恰恰是他们实行自己的选择权的结果。况且,很多父母以后也能回国,所以他们心里有底,觉得美国再不舒服也是他们“选择”来的,大不了以后回国。

    但是ABC就不一样了。ABC没有选择。他们什么都没做,父母给他们设定的就是终身只能作为白人之下的二等公民,连个回国逃避美国白人的歧视这种选择都没有。

    一个人有选择而不行使,和没有选择,是完全不同的概念。

    美籍华人年龄大了越会感到对家乡的渴望,但是他们终究没有真正的家乡。中国人也不认他们,美国人也不认他们。他们没有家乡,无法落叶归根。他们一辈子只能忍气吞声地当美国的二等公民,受到重重的压抑和歧视。这是一个很凄惨的事实。

    此外,美国对华人的歧视在华裔男生上体现得尤为明显。大部分中国父母不知道,但是美国主流白人尤其不尊重中国男生。白人很喜欢开中国男生的玩笑,觉得中国男生长得没他们好看,体型没有他们强壮,眼睛小,丁丁小,等等。

    中国男生在美国一般从小就受到很多外国同学的欺负和侮辱,对孩子关键成长期的自信有很大的隐形损害。

    [​IMG]

    (白人经常模仿这个姿势嘲笑中国人的小眼睛)

    ABC男生在美国普遍来讲一点社会地位都没有,找对象特别困难,长大后在职场和社会一样继续受很多人的欺负。再加上华人在美国没有丝毫政治地位,没有政客代表,华裔男生只能忍气吞声,连个抗议的渠道都没有。

    华裔男孩子在美国各个领域都吃亏,几乎没有一个地方是占优势的。在这个方面,华裔女生更受白人男生欢迎,但是华人男生普遍来讲既不受白人男生欢迎,更不受白人女生的欢迎(有调查显示中国男生在美国找对象要比白人男生、黑人男生、甚至拉美男生难得多)。

    [​IMG]

    (某网站做的统计,亚裔女生和白人男性最受欢迎,亚洲男性无人问津)

    所以有儿子的中国父母一定要意识到,把儿子带到美国就是让后代失去了他们做为男生应该有的尊严和地位。对ABC男孩子将来的自尊心有很大的破坏。

    失去文化背景,难以成功


    3)其三,早年移民美国而失去中国文化和背景对孩子将来的事业发展有很大的打击

    ABC“不伦不类”的身份在商业,政治,法律,创业,甚至科技界均遭很大的劣势。主要原因就是这些领域的发展都与人际关系密不可分,不是谁考试分数最高谁就能干得好。

    但是ABC恰恰就是在人际关系上特别吃亏,因为他们既不能融入美国圈子,也不能融入中国圈子。这些领域的发展很依赖于客户,政客,投资者打成一片。在这种拼关系的残酷竞争下你光有好成绩半毛用都没有。因为ABC的背景与本地白人和来自中国人的背景都无法对接,他们自然会遇到发展瓶颈,因为没法深入了解客户的需求,也没法和他们达成共鸣。

    所以父母得小心,把孩子带到美国,有可能就等于切断了孩子未来创造事业的翅膀。

    本人就在常青藤大学读的本科,在美国读完了大学在纽约和香港的投行均工作过。本人发现的事实就是如此,白人和在中国长大的孩子都混得相当不错,可以搭建圈子,有锦绣前途可言。但是ABC却很尴尬,白人客户也不把他们当成自己人,中国客户也不认他们为中国人,对有野心的ABC来说这是个莫大的问题!

    这种天花板是ABC几乎没法克服的,不管ABC再努力也没用,因为两边主流文化都不认他们。可惜的是我周围好多ABC都是我见过最刻苦,最能干的人,但是就凭他们身份上吃亏而在好多领域都屡遭天花板。

    对孩子来说,父母这么早就割断了孩子的文化根源是极其不负责任和自私(伤害孩子)的行为。将来孩子受的苦是说不出来的一种苦,没人能理解的一种孤独的痛苦。

    在美国,我认识很多ABC学习非常出色成绩很优越但是就是发展不起来,然后父母也不懂或者不想倾听他们的想法和感受,反而弄得孩子终身孤独和无路可走。

    出国,请三思而后行


    总之,我的目的就是从一个ABC 的角度与大家分享一下中国孩子在美国长大的真相。世界上没有免费的午餐,别认为孩子在美国长大就能轻轻松松融入美国社会。别认为虽然中国有各种各样的社会弊端,就等于来美国之后所有在中国的担忧就魔术般的消失了。

    让孩子在美国长大对他们是个很大的挑战,对他们心理的伤害很深。在我看来,还不如让孩子高高兴兴做个中国人,在中国长大好。将来孩子成年之后可以自己来美国呀。为什么非要这么着急把他们带到一个本身就瞧不起中国人的西方国家,让他们在种族歧视的阴影下长大?

    我们有着中国人的脸,再努力融入西方文化也是个徒劳。无论孩子再努力,英语说得再好,也不一定能融入美国社会,因为他们长得一张中国人的脸。

    然而,父母得意识到,在他们忙着想让孩子融入美国之时,同时也失去了孩子本来应该有的中国身份和背景。这种愚蠢的选择使孩子没法将来有回祖国发展的途径。最终结果就是导致孩子在中国或者美国都终身陌生,以后中国发展得再好孩子也没法回去生活,享受作为中国人的荣誉和尊严!

    上帝既然造我们是中国人,我们就应该骄傲,自豪地做我们的中国人,而不是强迫孩子当一个本身就当不了的西方人。
    1. http://cfcnews.com/179817
     

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  3. 海空绿

    海空绿 新手上路 ID:165982

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    看来这作者不是一个ABC:这中文水平绝对是在中国大学语文水平。与父母沟通没问题。真正爱写文章的ABC会在本土用英文发表自己的观点和看法。转一篇英文的吧那才有可能是ABC的。
     
    已获得且珍惜的支持。
  4. urus

    urus survivor ID:15572 VIP

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    必须的, 中国人就应该呆在中国。 祖宗给咱打下的地盘,就是让咱好好守着过日子的。
    跑出来讨生活, 就是数典忘祖了。 别说外国人看不起, 就是中国人自己, 也是看不起离开祖地的人。
     
  5. 海空绿

    海空绿 新手上路 ID:165982

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    下面这篇文章是ABC写的。比较一下吧。
    https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/integration-struggles-second-generation-theresa-yu

    On Integration: The Struggles of the Second Generation
    • 0
    [​IMG]
    Theresa Yu


    CDC Associate
    First, the dream.

    I am born an American.

    My parents immigrated to the United States from Asia for education and to find better opportunity, for the benefit of their lives and for their children. They were one family of many looking to provide for their offspring.

    This statistic is still growing today: between 2000 and 2012, the immigrant population grew from 31.1 million to 40.8 million. It is at an all-time high--nearly doubled since the 1960's and the origin countries are even more diverse now than they were years ago.

    But, they come here for what? Was it for the same reasons my parents came here for? For higher education, settle down with 2.5 children, and buy a house with a white picket fence?

    "You hate the fact that you bought the dream and they sold you one" - Drake, Take Care
    Word on the street has it, being first generation immigrant is not a walk in the park. So, why risk everything you had back in your hometown for the dream? My mom just scoffs at me and rolls her eyes when I mentioned this and said, " Well, your dad mostly wanted us to stay in America, but it was because of you two (referring to my sister and I) that we wanted to do everything we could to provide you with a good future."

    "We can't have a good future back in Taiwan?"

    "Well, yes we can, but at the time, going to the promised land was an honorable thing. And we wanted to be honorable, so we decided to come here."

    "So, it's not honorable right now?"

    "It is, but we had to give up everything we had at home: our family, our friends, all our connections and spend all our money so your dad could get his graduate degree and stay here in America. We sacrificed all that we had and eventually ourselves to be here...for you two (again, referring to my sister and I)."

    On transition

    As said earlier immigrating here is not a simple choice, but most of the parents do it for their kids. While this may be true, the second generation do not have it easy either. It is often said that we experience "identity struggles" because of the dual cultures. In my case, for example, I can't figure out whether to be more Chinese and less American, more American and less Chinese, or just be equal on both identities at the same time.

    How can you be both identities at the same time? It's like saying you like eating mac and cheese, but the Chinese don't eat cheese because most of us are lactose intolerant. Then you eat it anyway because it's tasty and American. Or it's like wearing white to someone's funeral because wearing black to a funeral in Chinese culture is taboo; then you go to someone's wedding and think the bride should be wearing red because wearing white during your wedding is not festive.

    Culture is the arts elevated to a set of beliefs. -Thomas Wolfe
    Growing up, my parents taught me a great deal of the Asian culture. In fact, they wanted me to have more Asian influences in me than American influences. Like every other Chinese kid I knew, I went to Chinese school and studied how to read, write, and speak Mandarin. I had to speak Mandarin with my parents. They did not speak in English to me. We celebrated every Chinese holiday, with Chinese New Year being the biggest and most important. We ate Chinese food at home. I brought Chinese food to school for lunch.

    How was I ever going to assimilate with the American life?

    I didn't. Not at first anyway.

    The struggles of the second generation

    Having the identity crisis that exists among so many second generation children, getting along with my classmates and neighbors were hard. First, I was promptly at home after school to finish my homework. There was very little time for play after school.

    I tried to make my parents understand that I needed to be like the "white kids from the block." Playing on the street and running around at the park....not studying. That was my chance at understanding the culture and knowing what it took to be an American. In their eyes, studying was what made me get into college and onto better opportunities. Playing with kids after school was not what would get me into college.

    ... they see their own daughters, just as ignorant, just as unmindful of all the truths and hopes they have brought to America. They see daughters who grow impatient who think they [their mothers] are stupid when they explain things in fractured English... joy and luck do not mean the same to their daughters, that to these closed American-born minds "joy luck" is not a word, it does not exist. They see daughters who will bear grandchildren born without any connecting hope passed from generation to generation. -Amy Tan, The Joy Luck Club
    I am not proud to admit, but I believe white supremacy still exists. Without interacting with my fairer skinned classmates, I lacked behind on understanding what "American culture" was. Because I didn't grasp it at a young age, I could not help but feel like I was an outcast, different, and lagged behind when I grew older.

    If white supremacy exists, people that grew up like me would not exactly know how to interact with our white counterparts. If I did not know how to interact with them, I would not know how to connect with those who had more "advantage." If I did not know how to gain advantage, then I would always lag behind, at school, at work, at beer pong...

    However, it doesn't have to be like that. We can create a space where both cultures are integrated.

    On Integration

    What does integration mean? According to the acculturation model, it is the process of adapting or adjusting to the culture of a group, but at the same time identifying with your original culture.

    The acculturation model includes four different categories: Integration, Assimilation, Segregation, and Marginalization. The two key categories that are related to this post is assimilation and integration. "Assimilation" means you fully immerse yourself in the new cultural group without keeping your previous cultural traditions, whereas "integration" means you accept your old traditions as well as practice the new ones from the alternate cultural group.

    [​IMG]

    Now, how do second generation communities overcome this white supremacy?

    Integrating ourselves with the American culture. You don't have to let go of your original culture, especially if your parents were anything like mine and made you go to Chinese school. Simply learn more about it through interacting with classmates from school. Notice more of how their home life is, how they talk with their parents and teachers, and how they play with other classmates.

    What do they bring for lunch? What do they wear? What are they interested in?

    It is a privilege to learn about two (or more) cultures. The secret is that it is all a balancing act. You must learn how to balance the culture your parents taught you, and the one you are currently living in. Once you have it down, you'll be 10,000 times a better person!

    What of the overbearing parents that want you to immerse yourself in your native culture? Let them. Learning where you come from will shape your identity for years to come. It is important to know your origin so your future will be bright. Embrace that this is who you are and know that you can still practice American customs. Know that you can have it all.

    Balancing two or more cultures start at a young age, and children can cruelly interfere sometimes. Educate your child about diversity and to be open- minded on other customs. Educate them on anti-bullying and the power of friendship. Most importantly, if you are a first generation parent, allow your child to experience different things. That is partly why you immigrated here in the first place, right?

    Finally, don't worry about white supremacy. It is fairly possible they will become the minority in 2060, so when that time rolls around, you can be sure that our views on white supremacy will change dramatically.

    In the comments below, what do you think about second generation communities and balancing two cultures at once? Are we doing a good job assisting with this issue?

    What are your views on white supremacy? Does it still exist?

    How does growing up with two cultures affect the being- psycho socially? Physically? Emotionally?

    Look forward to your responses!
     
  6. uglyducking

    uglyducking කැත තාරා ID:13040 VIP

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    可以肯定,你走错路了
     
  7. Doubleedgesoft

    Doubleedgesoft 新手上路 ID:163649

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    因为中国人没有政治权力在北美,政治上低人一等,自然很
    难冲顶。而在中国,一个农民的儿子也可官至军委主席。
    这就是政治平等。很多隐性财富是移民后才没有的。雄才大略
    的中国人只能出于中国。北美毁人无数。
     
  8. urus

    urus survivor ID:15572 VIP

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    这正是因为中国人出来的不够多!

    国内的那些人鼠目寸光, 死命拖后腿, 就知道抱着祖宗留下的那点地,打死也不肯出来。 你人少, 当然没有政治权利了。
    中国14亿人口, 出个4亿出来, 你看有没有政治权利?

    窝在中国不肯出来的中国人都是国贼。 以前是吃祖宗, 现在是吃子孙。 宁愿计划生育,从自己的子孙后代嘴里抢食吃, 也不肯踏出国门,堂堂正正的面对挑战,开创新世界。
    中国照这个样子下去, 迟早退回到炎黄部落在黄河流域的那一点点地盘上去。
     
    已获得lakerchencvictor的支持。
  9. boblee2000

    boblee2000 赵兄托你帮我办点事 ID:127809

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    我倒是觉得二代的女儿很多都很优秀,二代的儿子够呛。。。。。

    和我一个姐姐聊过这个问题,她是美国某大型跨国企业里面华人里面职位最高的人;她有个观点,我比较认同;她说西方社会上层基本还是由男性把持着,华人女性因为华人女性特有的某些特质比起西方的女性反而很容易受到这些男性的亲密和认可,更容易获得向上的空间。相反对于华人男性来说,西方的男性会将其看成是竞争对手而出于某些本能而采取压制的做法,比较容易形成玻璃天花板。我虽然我有个儿子,内心里面不愿意接受这种观点,但是我得承认她说的很有道理。所以我希望我儿子,有机会还是能够回国发展,当然这也只是愿望。
     
  10. uglyducking

    uglyducking කැත තාරා ID:13040 VIP

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    :zhichi:
    不要4亿,来加拿大一亿就中:monster:
     
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  11. cvictor

    cvictor 资深人士 ID:52072 VIP

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    中国人口占世界总人口的5分之一?相应的土地海洋也该得到那么多吧?
     
  12. zenozhu

    zenozhu 知名会员 ID:39063

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  13. zenozhu

    zenozhu 知名会员 ID:39063

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    作者可以发表自己的观点, 确硬是寇上一个大帽子, 全中国人。 一派胡言
     
  14. gossipabout

    gossipabout 封禁用户 ID:166033

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  15. woow

    woow 高级会员 ID:162828

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    7岁来的,还算一代吧
     
  16. lingqi8

    lingqi8 论坛元老,潜水王 ID:10830

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    有一次开车,后面老外嫌我慢,不停按喇叭,最后红灯我停下来。他停到我右面给我做了下图这个手势。老中们,这就是你们在洋人眼里的样子,哈哈
     

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