[征集中]~~~~ jokes about man and woman ~~~~[大家都来发]
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badgrant
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A typical "macho man" marries a typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, lays down the following rules :
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want, and I don't expect any hassles from you!
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my old buddies when I want, and don't you give me a hard time about it! Those are my rules... any comments?"
His new bride responds, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand one thing: there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night -- whether you're home or not!"
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want, and I don't expect any hassles from you!
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my old buddies when I want, and don't you give me a hard time about it! Those are my rules... any comments?"
His new bride responds, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand one thing: there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night -- whether you're home or not!"
S2IcecreamS2
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up^^up^^
badgrant
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i couldn't find the first 25 jokes~ 凑合了哈~
26. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
28. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.
29. Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.
30. Women do not want an honest answer to the question, "How do I look?"
31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that.) PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse.
32. The first naked man women see is "Ken."
33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt and breast size.
34. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.
35. "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.
36. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.
37. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
38. All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have five pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have five pounds to gain.
39. If it is not Valentine's Day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"
40. Only women understand the reason for "guest towels."
41. Women want equal rights, but they rarely want the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.
42. Only women understand the reason for "the good china."
43. If a man ticks off a woman, she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover that warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up, thus it constantly gets peed on by guys (which gets them in more trouble).
44. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt-leap toward the bowl and then chewing men out because they "left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.
45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.
46. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.
48. It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay, but you don't see straight men dancing together.
49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.
50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, "Oh my God, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!"
26. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
28. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.
29. Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.
30. Women do not want an honest answer to the question, "How do I look?"
31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that.) PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse.
32. The first naked man women see is "Ken."
33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt and breast size.
34. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.
35. "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.
36. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.
37. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
38. All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have five pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have five pounds to gain.
39. If it is not Valentine's Day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"
40. Only women understand the reason for "guest towels."
41. Women want equal rights, but they rarely want the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.
42. Only women understand the reason for "the good china."
43. If a man ticks off a woman, she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover that warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up, thus it constantly gets peed on by guys (which gets them in more trouble).
44. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt-leap toward the bowl and then chewing men out because they "left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.
45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.
46. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.
48. It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay, but you don't see straight men dancing together.
49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.
50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, "Oh my God, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!"
Consciousness
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What is the most expensive thing in the world?
Woman
Woman
