最初由 hyacinth2b 发布
yawning; i married a WASP. who cares?
can u chinese men do that?
my husband opens the door when i get in and out of car
say i love u at least ten times a day
take me out for dinner even he is short on money
love when he loves and hate when he hates
says sorry when he is wrong
distant blood relationship gives healthy children
my ex is a chinese and he never said he was wrong;
One thing I noticed about your comment is the points you listed are all the ones you like (I am not saying these points are good or bad), but not ones you don't like. I am not sure if that is the whole picture because human beings by nature are imperfect. Is there anything about WASPs that you are not so fond of? Reading your comment makes me wonder if a different Chinese girl who has been cheated or played with or dumped by her WASP boyfriend or husband is asked to describe her bf/ex, the picure or "the points" might be quite different.
"my husband opens the door when i get in and out of car"
My sense is most WASP men will stop opening doors for their wives after some years of marriage. Some will stop doing that right after the wedding. You can ask you husband if my sense is correct. BTW, how long have you been married?
"love when he loves and hate when he hates"
It's true that WASPs or westerners are more straightforward when it comes to love. But like many things in life there are two sides for every coin. So the other side of your statement could be
"leave when he leaves" or
"dump when he dumps" Just kidding...
"distant blood relationship gives healthy children"
This is a bit murky. I'm not sure if there's any scientific evidence (at least not I'm aware of) that a same race couple, say from different cities, will have children with higher probability of genetic diseases than children by an inter-racial couple. As far as a child's health is concerned there are many other factors playing in a child life.
"my ex is a chinese and he never said he was wrong"
Not all Chinese men refuse to admit their mistakes when they realize they are wrong. Many of them do say sorry from time to time.
"say i love u at least ten times a day"
Chinese men do say less "I love you" than their WASP counterparts. But that does not mean that they love their spouses less. The same is true that a WASP saying that 10 times a day does not necessarily mean he or she loves you more than a Chinese does. Don't forget that the divorce rate in western countries is much higher than that in China (several times higher?) even with the wedding vows to each other by WASPs/westerners in the presence of God in churches. I don't remember exactly what the vow is, something like "for rich, for poor, for health, for sickness... to death" and so on. Many westerners may say "I love you" 10 time a day, I won't be surprised to see they might also say that 10 times or more to someone else behind your back. Also, I'm not sure if you're aware that the percentage and the frequency of family abuse and family violence in WASP families and in North America are much higher than that in China. I am sure your husband will not do anything like that..
The fact that Chinese men say "I love you" less is, in my opinion, more of a culture difference which has nothing to do with their love/affection they have for their spouses. A similar example would be, westerners sometimes lick their fingers when eating or having dinners. Does that mean they are barbarians? No, I don't think so. It's a culture difference. It's also a fact that even Chinese men and women do not say much "I love you" or swear the wedding vows to God, but they will be there with you through thick and thin, at least most of them.
I am not saying all Chinese girls should marry Chinese guys, and vice versa. Marriage or love is something between the couple involved, and should be none of other's business. The points I want to make are:
- Inter-racial marriage is not for everyone because of culture difference, personal habit, different value systems, and so on. For example, for a Chinese (either man or woman) to marry a westerner, if your mother tongue is not English, it will be difficult for you to understand or enjoy the
subtleties in your spouse's cultures in jokes, comedies, different psyche/mentality and many other little things in life. The same is true for your spouse. If you are someone who would like to enjoy a high level of tacit agreement/understanding in your marriage, then you will have difficulty to achieve that in an inter-racial marriage. If you are not such a person, then inter-racial marriage can be an options for you.
- I read long time ago somewhere on the web that the breakup rate of inter-racial relationships or marriages is much higher than that of same race. I recently read that The Women Association of China was proposing a regulation to ask the foreign man to sign a some kind of legal document if he wants to marry a Chinese woman in order to protect her in case of divorce because the divorce rate of this type of marriages is very high. The percentage of divorce rate in that article I read is 20 something. The real figure is probably higher than that because I guess most divorced woman would not be so eager to go back to China and report their divorce to authorities. So inter-racial marriage should not be taken lightly.
- If a Chinese boy or girl is set out to find a westerner to be his/her marriage partner, he/she'll find the selection of choice is much less than if it's done among Chinese. Also, it's often the case that pool size determines the quality. Let's face it that most people (regardless of race and culture) would feel more comfortable to be with someone of similar culture and background.
