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Funny Accidents. Dumb Accidents that Deserve the Darwin Award
Ever hear about an accident so dumb, so stupid, that it was astoundingly funny? The Darwin Award for funny accidents celebrates the outlandish stupidity of people who shoulda known better, but they didn't. They are the weird, the wacky and the witless.
The Darwin Award is a facetious honor given to people who improve the human gene pool by removing themselves from it. As part of the natural-selection process, they met their demise in a stupid mishap, and proved that they are the least evolved of people. And to their credit, they leave the world to the rest of us who survive as the fittest. If it's a funny, stupid, dumb accident, and you removed one stupid person from the planet, namely yourself, you qualify. The Darwin Award is named for Charles Darwin, the scientist known as the father of evolution, and also the prize for funny accidents.
We nominate these candidates for the Darwin Awards, in tribute to their unfathomably stupid, funny accidents. We salute their innovative spirit of dumb and dumber. We marvel at how they have reached unplumbed depths of stupidity.
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here, then, are the glorious winners, the top 10 funny accidents.
Funny Accident #10 Finger Food
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
Funny Accident #9 Snow Fight
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
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Funny Accident #8 Pit Stop
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
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Funny Accident #7 Trainspotting
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
Funny Accident #6 Funny Money
A man walked into a Circle-K in Louisiana, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(Here's a conundrum. If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
Funny Accident #5 Safety Glass
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So, he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
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Funny Accident #4 Purse Snatcher
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
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Funny Accident #3 Funyun Onions
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Funny Accident #2 Biofuel
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER, THE RUNNER-UP!
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Funny Accident #1 A Good Shot
AND, NOW...
THE GLORIOUS WINNER OF THE DARWIN AWARD!
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder.
He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked...
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