This might be the best rant against Tim Hortons ever

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William Goldring entered a Tim Hortons in Ottawa, and something finally snapped. Years of gnawing annoyance at the coffee joint took its toll, and Goldring says he forever banished the chain’s famous java and baked goods from his life.

In an afternoon email to higher-ups at Tim Hortons shared with the Citizen, Goldring aired his grievances, apparently pent up for far too long:

Tim Hortons has taken me for granted and treated me like a second class customer for so long — and so many times over the years — that I had forgotten that I had the choice to not walk into your stores — or to just drive on past your restaurants.

So, see you later Tim Hortons. Try to treat your customers a little better in the coming year.

Goldring says he’s been a loyal customer for years, estimating that his household spent more than $3,000 at Tim Hortons last year. He says he knows that many other Canadians are in the same boat.

The resentment was festering, however.

For the longest time, I allowed small annoyances and a bit of cynicism about Tim Horton’s marketing and product development to fall by my wayside, even as I admired your powerful execution across your 3500+ locations.

But uneven service, priority given to cars at the drive through over customers who actually get out of their cars and walk into the restaurants, the increasingly bland and industrial taste of some of your food products, and the overwhelming sense of being bombarded to buy and try something new at every single turn by Tim Hortons had already started to turn me off before today.

So, Goldring writes, this is how what he says was his last purchase from Timmies went down.
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It was 11:45 a.m. — 15 minutes before the store stops serving its breakfast menu. Goldring saw a long line of cars in the drive-thru and decided to go inside the store to make his “big order.” Inside, he says he watched cars zoom through the drive-thru, while he waited in line at the “understaffed” restaurant.

I watched the clock tick slowly towards noon…feeling all the more like a second class customer inside Tims.

At 11:59, I watched as one of the car window staff walks to another staff member and says “no more breakfast sandwiches.” I know what is coming. You do too, right?

We do, William. We do.

It’s 12:01 p.m. Goldring says he gets to the cash register, and is told there are no more of those highly processed, greasy, delicious breakfast sandwiches left.

But he knows better than to believe that.

Tim Hortons doesn’t just run out of one of their biggest menu items right at the exact moment the clock strikes 12. Basically, the staff are following a procedure manual that taken to its logical conclusion ends up causing the staff to avert their eyes, to shift about and essentially lie. And contemptuously or not, move the customer along to keep the line moving.
— William Goldring

He writes that he’s faced, in that instance, with two options: Argue about waiting in line for 15 minutes, while further delaying those waiting behind him, or find a compromise.

(He presents a third option — host a rebellion by holding a “sit in” or forcing the cashier to list the nutritional information for every item on the menu — but we assume this is sarcasm.)

He does what many other reasonable and considerate Canadians would do:

I opt for the compromise.

He orders donuts for his children, and makes a vow so deeply impossible and consequential to most Canadians that its uttering could send any one of them into anaphylactic shock: To spend the remaining 364.5 days of 2015 sans Timmies.

The 5, 10 or 15 minutes a day this year that I might otherwise spent in line for a coffee, or a bagel, will instead go towards LIFE WITHOUT TIMS. It will be like cutting out smoking, or drinking…but instead of alcohol, it will be Tim Hortons that gets cut out.
— William Goldring


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