He would like to share with all parents
1. Dad always gets a rotten potato in his stocking because he is always on the “Naughty” list. Year in, year out, this never changes. Dad never improves.
2. Even until your kids are well into their teens, refuse to acknowledge the adult position on the existence of Santa Claus. After the kids have gone to sleep, stand outside in the dark on Christmas Eve for at least 10 minutes to scan the sky for a glimpse. Your kids need you to do this.
3. Host Christmas at your house. The best holiday traditions are the ones you start for your family. Otherwise they’re some other family’s traditions, aren’t they?
4. Rudolph is a sloppy eater. Leave half-eaten carrot pieces and shreds outside visible from a window somewhere. Do not shred with a shredder. You must stand outside in the dark on Christmas Eve and pre-chew the evidence. Like Jell-O, magic sets only under the right circumstances.
5. Cookies and milk are out. Kids make up Santa’s snack menu. No matter how gross it is there must be clear evidence of consumption.
6. Santa must have a credible point of entry to your dwelling. Ensure there is some evidence that it was used.
7. Christmas breakfast is crucial. The combination of sugar high and present-generated euphoria makes the day pass slower so there’s more to enjoy!
8. Don’t wait until Christmas Eve to assemble the cool, big stuff. This is analogous an professional athlete doing hanky-panky before competing. It’s bound to have a performance effect upon the next day. You’ll either be still assembling well into the wee hours of the morning, or you’ll be in too foul a mood for the big day.
9. It’s a well-known fact that television stations do not even broadcast on Christmas day (That’s your story. Stick to it!). Do not create demand by turning on the set. It dilutes Christmas beyond rescue.
10. Kids don’t care that they can see 12 Santas on a typical Saturday outing. Don’t kill yourself trying to explain it. Their rationalization of this fact always makes more sense. Adults are beyond the reach of fantasy and, as such, are sadly deficient at explaining its intricate workings.
Bonus Tip: Don’t have high expectations for the “perfect” family Christmas or “the look on their faces” when they see the “big present”. You’ll be disappointed. Kids never read your script. They’ll stare, slack-jawed, at the marvelous bounty of Christmas morning with not a smile or even a basic emotional response. They are overwhelmed. Christmas joy comes hours, even days later, when they pick the thing Santa brought as an afterthought and make it an integral part of their waking life. Do not attempt to predict which item this will be, or even its perceived role during playtime: a housecoat makes an excellent mermaid’s tail.
1. Dad always gets a rotten potato in his stocking because he is always on the “Naughty” list. Year in, year out, this never changes. Dad never improves.
2. Even until your kids are well into their teens, refuse to acknowledge the adult position on the existence of Santa Claus. After the kids have gone to sleep, stand outside in the dark on Christmas Eve for at least 10 minutes to scan the sky for a glimpse. Your kids need you to do this.
3. Host Christmas at your house. The best holiday traditions are the ones you start for your family. Otherwise they’re some other family’s traditions, aren’t they?
4. Rudolph is a sloppy eater. Leave half-eaten carrot pieces and shreds outside visible from a window somewhere. Do not shred with a shredder. You must stand outside in the dark on Christmas Eve and pre-chew the evidence. Like Jell-O, magic sets only under the right circumstances.
5. Cookies and milk are out. Kids make up Santa’s snack menu. No matter how gross it is there must be clear evidence of consumption.
6. Santa must have a credible point of entry to your dwelling. Ensure there is some evidence that it was used.
7. Christmas breakfast is crucial. The combination of sugar high and present-generated euphoria makes the day pass slower so there’s more to enjoy!
8. Don’t wait until Christmas Eve to assemble the cool, big stuff. This is analogous an professional athlete doing hanky-panky before competing. It’s bound to have a performance effect upon the next day. You’ll either be still assembling well into the wee hours of the morning, or you’ll be in too foul a mood for the big day.
9. It’s a well-known fact that television stations do not even broadcast on Christmas day (That’s your story. Stick to it!). Do not create demand by turning on the set. It dilutes Christmas beyond rescue.
10. Kids don’t care that they can see 12 Santas on a typical Saturday outing. Don’t kill yourself trying to explain it. Their rationalization of this fact always makes more sense. Adults are beyond the reach of fantasy and, as such, are sadly deficient at explaining its intricate workings.
Bonus Tip: Don’t have high expectations for the “perfect” family Christmas or “the look on their faces” when they see the “big present”. You’ll be disappointed. Kids never read your script. They’ll stare, slack-jawed, at the marvelous bounty of Christmas morning with not a smile or even a basic emotional response. They are overwhelmed. Christmas joy comes hours, even days later, when they pick the thing Santa brought as an afterthought and make it an integral part of their waking life. Do not attempt to predict which item this will be, or even its perceived role during playtime: a housecoat makes an excellent mermaid’s tail.
