FELINE SITUATION WANTED ADS
Gentle cat, conservationist, seeks refined home where
manners count more than mousing.
Gourmet seeks position as chief food taster. Excellent
taste in venison, salmon and other fine meats.
Connoisseur of cream. Will indicate quality of all
foods tasted with loud purring.
Young cat, suffering delusions of lion hood, requires
easily scared family. Not yet able to dispatch
wildebeest, will practice regularly on local wildlife.
Elderly tabby seeks employment as bed warmer. Will
keep bed warm throughout day in return for daily
salary of Whiskas and water. Gets along well with
similarly inclined felines of all colors and willing
to work as a team or will cover additional beds on
shift rotation basis.
Mother's help seeks post, will undertake dish-licking
and general purring. Willing to supervise well-behaved
children. No tail-pullers need apply.
Retired supervisor, skilled in entertaining children
seeks position as nanny/child minder. Has experience
of working in large unruly household. Very tolerant,
has trained large family now living overseas.
Daredevil, enjoys living dangerously, seeks untamed
wilderness to explore/subdue between breakfast and
evening dinner. Will keep territory free of children,
dogs, rabbits and other cats. Will contribute towards
own meals.
Adagio dancer and operatic singer prepared to give
exhibitions any time, need board and lodging together.
Midnight performances a specialty.
Small conscientious cat willing to work hard in return
for good home; will tackle and destroy any creature up
to a fair-sized moth; will scare away flies; not
afraid of spiders.
Sweet-natured, well-behaved cat, handicapped by
enormous size, needs large country estate. Would make
ideal companion/chaperone for single person with
strong lap, good income and excellent taste in food.
Reformed juvenile delinquent seeks position with
understanding family. No longer bites unless meals are
late. Suitable replacement for guard dog.
Retired rodent-control operative seeks position
controlling slow or disabled rats, maintaining
physical presence or willing to supervise younger
cats.
Tortoiseshell sisters seek large cat basket, sleeps 2,
in well appointed location with en-suite gas-fire.
Fully qualified lap-warmers/purrers, willing to occupy
laps on job-share basis. No mousing.
Trouble getting up in the morning? Enthusiastic feline
alarm clock, preset to 5am seeks position after
previous job fell through. Punctual, seven days/week.
Black and white cat seeks neck to warm. Suitable
replacement for hot water bottle, does not cool down
during night.
Gentle cat, conservationist, seeks refined home where
manners count more than mousing.
Gourmet seeks position as chief food taster. Excellent
taste in venison, salmon and other fine meats.
Connoisseur of cream. Will indicate quality of all
foods tasted with loud purring.
Young cat, suffering delusions of lion hood, requires
easily scared family. Not yet able to dispatch
wildebeest, will practice regularly on local wildlife.
Elderly tabby seeks employment as bed warmer. Will
keep bed warm throughout day in return for daily
salary of Whiskas and water. Gets along well with
similarly inclined felines of all colors and willing
to work as a team or will cover additional beds on
shift rotation basis.
Mother's help seeks post, will undertake dish-licking
and general purring. Willing to supervise well-behaved
children. No tail-pullers need apply.
Retired supervisor, skilled in entertaining children
seeks position as nanny/child minder. Has experience
of working in large unruly household. Very tolerant,
has trained large family now living overseas.
Daredevil, enjoys living dangerously, seeks untamed
wilderness to explore/subdue between breakfast and
evening dinner. Will keep territory free of children,
dogs, rabbits and other cats. Will contribute towards
own meals.
Adagio dancer and operatic singer prepared to give
exhibitions any time, need board and lodging together.
Midnight performances a specialty.
Small conscientious cat willing to work hard in return
for good home; will tackle and destroy any creature up
to a fair-sized moth; will scare away flies; not
afraid of spiders.
Sweet-natured, well-behaved cat, handicapped by
enormous size, needs large country estate. Would make
ideal companion/chaperone for single person with
strong lap, good income and excellent taste in food.
Reformed juvenile delinquent seeks position with
understanding family. No longer bites unless meals are
late. Suitable replacement for guard dog.
Retired rodent-control operative seeks position
controlling slow or disabled rats, maintaining
physical presence or willing to supervise younger
cats.
Tortoiseshell sisters seek large cat basket, sleeps 2,
in well appointed location with en-suite gas-fire.
Fully qualified lap-warmers/purrers, willing to occupy
laps on job-share basis. No mousing.
Trouble getting up in the morning? Enthusiastic feline
alarm clock, preset to 5am seeks position after
previous job fell through. Punctual, seven days/week.
Black and white cat seeks neck to warm. Suitable
replacement for hot water bottle, does not cool down
during night.
