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Apr-01-04 11:43 Let's go slow
The rain fell, but it didn't fall much, i guess it was like throwing down crystals or something, the raindros must been soo commemorative and they just filled in the gaps as they arrived. I saw one squirrel bravely run through the streets during the weather looked to a treat. It might be though to spent most it's time downwards to a tree. Of cause, suddenly the whole world drives crazy, cars were sluggish during the rainfall. Didn't make any senses to the citizen people who was eager for speed and excitement. Neighbour would be kind enough to lend me an umbrella to assit in getting myself to the school. No matter how logical my thought were about being more selfish, if i am not rolling around so it didn't seem to sink in, fair enough....we'd see how the weather goes from the point, allowance times will need to be given...
( 0条评论) [Entry #49]
Apr-01-04 02:46 Rememberance of Cecilia
I was deeply saddened to read of the death of Cecilia, a little girl who was punched out of our world. Maybe heaven would be a good place on her own steps, death might be appreciate the guilty has been done by some cold-blooded person. who then with all the greed, evil in his pace. This is really the sickening news, guilty came up where human life can be treated so cheaply. Harrowing realities of two worlds of birth and death came with it, finally i'd be laid lwo by desperate and unwillingly thought of her life been ended like that. Not even a reason could not let us bereft of hope, in all that sudden, distressed and saddened left us alone and uttly cold. I realized more than ever before how short and precious our lives are...My heat goes out and i can't possibly comprehend it totally.
( 0条评论) [Entry #48]
Apr-01-04 02:28 Paskeo
It's an unsettling truth, for me at least, that we live in a world with several billion people who possess on or more definite manners, undiagnosed. I mean it's a fact. Little things that might picked out of personality, fascinations and hang-ups. In all the honesties, just tiny glimmers of our essential, natural insanity.
In fact, an obsession with things being worsen straight out, or aligned in the image that isn't irritating to my eyes. There's not any patterns to be annoying, i might in the room with dozens of things to be desire. From that moment on, whether i was looking out of my range of vision, it will narrate the stories somewhere in the back of appealing, Niggle, niggle, niggle, i couldn't ignore it and distract myself in the ways i might care to recognize. Somehow it will still remains, niggle, niggle ,niggle..
( 0条评论) [Entry #47]
Apr-01-04 02:19 Try
When i try to understand everything that heppened, i woke up in the disdainful bed, surprised to still be alive. Apparently, i was dreaming, always the same dream, the on the mountain, after the cry, when i'm running, didn't know what to expect. I don't know what woke me up, but there i was dazzing in bed, out of breath.
( 0条评论) [Entry #46]
Apr-01-04 02:09 Wat?
It's cold out, i really hate the cold and the rain. The streets here are endless, lined with strange, unfamiliar figures. There are only peace but then there's no sun either, only a cold, insensitive one.
What am i doing here, in this strange world?
I got few letters from friends, meanwhile the memories hit me, and how homesick i am for missing my friends, the weird feeling made me guilty because i might not have lifelong friends anymore. At least, i think i could't tell the whole story, we all living in different worlds.
The cold, the grayness, the ugliness, the people's stupidity, the vanity and shallowness, the promiscuity. Oh, How can i stop this pain? I was dreaming again, and running through the endless pace.
Actually, no one had noticed me sitting behind the class, no one focused on me, obviously i am not a talker like most of people. I seemed kinda out of place here, wondering i looked more at ease against a backdrop of sand and sky. The hardest part is the indifference, the impression that is invisible. I did it, it's because i'm on the way and messed up somehow. I do not feel exist in this strange place.
( 0条评论) [Entry #45]
Mar-29-04 11:12 Drugs
Of cause, because internet is the arena of particular interest for most bored boys surrounding me. Well, this maybe to optimistic an assumption, it profis a man nothing to win and drops till the end. It's hard to struggle through the life depending on daily goals, i was speculating at lengh about the wisdom in obsessive issues, but it's the way ahead all of us without any exceptions.
Weekend's not quite here, went on a bit of events among the fuzzy imagines. I've had bad time since a long time. However, I wasn't really ready to struggling the testy of life.
( 0条评论) [Entry #44]
Mar-29-04 11:11 Image
Congratulations, finally i run into the sickness again, unlike the previously time, it might be odd for a healthy-look boy who was always designated for depression. There remains the small matter of how to make the life on the right track, since i seemed reluctant to show my face with a bit cheerful expression. No longer i would be treated as a kid, isn't already indulging me in the tired old spectacle of certain figure of myself. That's the old story, i thought.
Essentially, i must be taken as a faithful reflection of the youth spirits. Along with long lives, issues as complex, emotional, and fraught were increased directly to the behavior, if i haven't come up with anything coherent, so far it's only occurred during the beginning.Could anything on earth be more progressive than the time? I was wondering if this era isn't about to stop.
( 0条评论) [Entry #43]
Mar-28-04 13:05 Scream
Things is, many people weren't in each others pockets, phone calls were occasional, they all busy to seeking the past, what then? how long have u been waiting to visit ur grandma.
what the heck was that? It's only spending times, and how sad it is, we all bitterly cold.
( 1条评论) [Entry #42]
Mar-28-04 13:05 Scream
Sometimes, the dream came up with weird feelings, i was grasp the concept that death can be condensed down to a day off for the funeral, a bunch of flowers, maybe a day with acquaintances and some offers such like a tightly defined story over this man's whole life. Halfway through doing something, our weakness as if from a daydream, life obviously it's letting up on me here, so i am getting it drop behind the time.
Late for school, appointments, it's completed late anytimes which isn't somehting i could simple switch off.
I haven't found myself was thinking better of life, and there's not any religion or decided to try in my case, actually i totally don't believe god, full of my soul is very close to me and have no attitude to the fairyland after death, that's a whole kettle to easily break down. From the bizarre sensation that it might be just to the serious feeling against the theology that death with come to us all but i don't want to make any concerns about the heck would be going to happen after prediction. From simple moments of grey sadness, god valued nothing and to outright blasts of brains-numbing.
( 0条评论) [Entry #41]
Mar-28-04 13:05 One
It seems that children everywhere were being assaulted with the words of adults who have no clue that would have been frowned upon. Many children were constantly being admonished for their colorful metaphors. In mind, i was not the one of them, which i should be appreciated. Somehow i'm treasure of freedom. Personally, nothing wrong with the desire of children, but words of parents are evolving with considerable pace and meanwhile we have to go with the flow, it simply punctuates and accentuates which is an exclamation mark. So take care of words saying in front of us.. plz..
( 0条评论) [Entry #40]
Mar-28-04 13:04 ain't flaked out
The weather broadcast wasn't lying about the climate, it's raining and i was quite surprised because of that. I'd been seeing snow for the whole winter through the windows. The sky was drifted with the interrupted lines, as many as scattered and it's really impossible to count. Of cause if it coming all afternoon i'd be crazy, no matter if my coat is waterproof.
( 0条评论) [Entry #39]
Mar-25-04 17:09 一些时光 vol.2@2004年3月2日
手指飞快敲打着键盘的时候,忽然呆滞在哪里,回忆中隐约浮现出第一次触摸电脑的样子,奔腾MMX的老古董,但我的脸上尽是满足.估计现在它正在哪个破旧的垃圾站静悄悄的叹息恍然的命运,被抛弃了的其实不止是它,还有我们.我想我是被遗弃的孩子,要不然为什么那么悲伤?
其实每个人每天都在老去,可以躲开某个恨之入骨的人,可是没有人躲得掉时间.第一次听流行音乐得时候,我在那反覆无常得隐约中沉淀下去,随后紧紧留下轻浮得梦想.记得当时握一个人站在学校得顶楼,风黑月高得夜晚数星星和月亮,然而,月亮只有一个,不论怎么幻想,它还是唯一得.于是理所当然得,月亮成为了夜里仅存得憧憬.
平静得,淡雅得微笑着,顶楼我独自一人,风吹来凉凉得.还在痴心妄想着遥远得某个角落有某个帝国正被英雄颠覆,还有故事得结尾处有个看不到边际得花园,里面绽开着最美丽得紫罗兰,看着他倒下去,孤独得沉睡在静谧得花丛中,然后看到花丛最深处得玫瑰映现着妖艳得色泽.我大笑着,用笑容来表达我得不屑一顾.
( 1条评论) [Entry #38]
Mar-25-04 08:37 一些时光@2004年3月1日
近来极是感叹一些关于天气的变化,总是想不断质疑网络上错误连篇的天气预报,每日的清晨和夜晚不断变换着自己的衣着,有点感到自己又裹起邋遢的绿色外套,经过一个冬日的洗礼,它成功的被称为颓废的代名.起床以后简单的打理一下蓬乱的长发和不省人事的眼神便延着静谧的小路穿行在淡蓝色的天空下,在这样特别的日子,我的肩膀和眉毛舒展了一点点,每次走过桥的时候都会感到浑身的不自在然后幻想坠落时悲惨的样子.想起来,昨日还在落雪纷纷,我越来越难以承受被冬日的气息笼罩,那冷漠的日子让我只记得伤感.从河边路过的时候,沉积的碎冰正敲击着石头的边缘,我感谢上苍终于这只是冬日最后的挣扎,白茫茫的视野就犹如预言一般成为了曾经,虽然我还记得一些雪中迷失过许多次本不应迷失的方向.白色的水泥路上载着纯净的精灵,我想它们都已经很老了,天空的落雪还是不断的飘,以前我只懂得问自己这样苍茫的落寞何时才能够中止.大概,自己很害怕听到关于苍老的词汇,仔细想想是自己太过多虑了,不满十七岁的小孩子生活理应该是充满阳光的.有点远离了自己曾经的习惯,所以我再也不倾注所有而为了获得自由,我已经拥有了,而且很自由.
那些过去的时候我都和朋友一起捏造关于回忆的玩偶,摆在桌子上是件多美好的事情,生活中所有的一切都是围绕在朋友中经历苦难快乐或者被纵容的所有.长大了,便不太懂得那些最单纯的快乐.不过,我在那些几近疯狂的日子里学到了叫做叛逆的词汇,从此以后我不在按着所有人规定好的方法去生活,可以在课上悠闲的小觑睡眠便是我最自豪的举动,其实仔细想想我还是很认真的,只不过很顽皮,所以我看似荒废了许多并不重要的时光.记得罗丹的雕塑,就出现在教室最后排的座位上,不同地方很蹊跷,他看着外面然后脸上尽是迷惑,然而那个雕像就是我,毫无怀疑的肯定.
( 0条评论) [Entry #37]
Mar-24-04 12:07 Dear
I was seriously thinking about the best part of this whole freaking year, how pathetic am i. I just need to get over it, i needed my friends, whether they're new or from the past, i need friends who will be there aside me, it seems impossible since i had left, it's funny that i was seems the loneliest boy in the world, but i demanded too much if i could be together with them, i was just sick of it and wanted waiting for some1 to call, while i was alone.
Lots of ppl always want to pretend their daily lives with a seady rythm or beat were not real for them, they were trying to lie themselves, thanks god i am not being too mature like them, when in the reality, i was truly playing the games of pretend. I don't know if that's me, maybe i was faltered, everyday has been the same. I was still reassuring my mind that there was people surrounding me, at times i seemed to ignore it, back nowadays i am trying to blame this whold world is soo freaky, i was soo naive and stupid. i still didn't know as much as my ages, and even don't thinks some1 would ever admit me, for some reasons, when the things suddenly started to getting worse.
I have concluded that i won't be alone as long as my whole freaky life, but maybe it would just stands for a while.....
( 3条评论) [Entry #36]
Mar-24-04 11:32 Oh..
Some1 said to me that i would never be serious about life, i was too self-willing to concern my duty, and i suppose there's an element of truth. How about if i am end up being weak, cynical, and not giving anything to any1. i definatly have my moments, but who doesn't, righ?
I met some1 and dive in their head first, showing them with attention, i was hoping maybe sometime they would be different. When I was thinking about the life around, my walls are too high to be climbed upon, good luck to those who would try, they won't be too sucessful. I had to let myself getting involved and finding another kinda life worth the risks, the freaking thing is, i've been through enough.
It's not bad to appreciate all my past , i can't get the idea out of it, althrough i did find it absolutly valuable to see all the crazy things that poped up out of nowhere, and picked the most what i needed. Finally, finally i could smile, which i inevitably can't even seem to wipe off the tears on my face, good thing is, i am not running in the circle anymore.
( 0条评论) [Entry #35]
Mar-23-04 19:28 A Breath
I spent a day doing all the standard things, sleeping, eating, reading, and attending school.
This morning before i woke up, i visited somewhere in the dream, to say the least, a strange and frustarting experience.
Earth would never have this place, a seven day week and breakfast won't show up that tragic wogan. In the tales of white princess, no one ever care about the bad peoples, they might be wicked people or neck of victims.
Whatever the rule of road surely must be the case and world certainly explained how would it works. Behaviour of a crazy man has been concerned a sin to getting close, that almost seize the right of human by it's prejudice. As viewing the mirror, the evil part of soul overtook the shape of heart, half-way around before the world out of conscience,those awkard situations where it's hard to tell.
No matter who's on the right way, selfishness is still a sort of human nature, god created it and we can't pretend. It causes the frustration, and the growling, while we were beating against the steering wheel of the time. I really have no clue why any1 wanted to go to heaven. It's really ridiculous where no one has time for anyone to alive even it's about the memories, some1 else is too darn selfish to notice. God blamed human infringe a reality and hopes, rifts stays in the
shadow.
i found this floating through the yearning and decided that is was somehow appropriate for one day. A day of the birth and death, who could passed into the light at the beginning of tragedy, he would be willingly as the god.
( 0条评论) [Entry #34]
Mar-23-04 18:44 Dismiss
I have found myself bewildered by the odd attitude, it's precisely put on this situation cropping up recently, while i was looking some words on the internet. i had come across along the alised font from range of square letters, specifically designed for the majority of insanity. Now, i am sure i would somewhat envy our ancestors who asscociated those words and plenty of literatures. However, a bit of mixed up words would make it seems more worthy to follow.
For every1, everything wonderful in a world of it's own. In despite of the honour itself, while we were faced with a sense of despair, the thriving scenery that had been the curled up and died, heart and soul are closing with an uncertain future.
( 0条评论) [Entry #33]
Mar-23-04 18:44 Let's start
Again, i really felt i should run off the sadness, i need trying to write something to make me feel better, for some senses with related to the real. I think the life nowadays is sort of loosssssing its appeal to me, i feel stified, there was never any in the place, but my sense of it has vanished.
Everything became soo dramtically normal, life is no longer something i've just sitting there leisurely watching them, the death and lives, now i cound't find any thing that myself got involved, so much things happened to me, and soo little things happened to make me happy, it's being through the past the future, life in canada is boring and crapy for me. Being home with exhausted emotions, i turn on my comp as usual, friends on the list are disappeared one by one, i feel disconnected with them, and missing them soo much, some memories appears where i was always around friends and have no time to consider the negative side of life. I don't know wat to do, a whole freaking year of nothing...Somehow,it's weired and i totally don't like it.
Maybe i should trying to make some decisions, i don't want to sleep over the night and day...when i woke up at mid-night or noon, it freaked me out so i just run outta the dream. I wasn't casually looking after myself. How funny is that, and scary.
( 0条评论) [Entry #32]
Mar-22-04 19:29 想念秋天@2004年2月19日(完整的)
古镇石头搭成的桥一副古旧的模样,站在上面让风缓缓的吹过细柔的发梢,看着流水似如年华一般老去,挽住的只有无穷无尽的欲望.听着一个童谣淡漠的叙述着平凡的神话,让人敬仰其中若远若离的朦胧,鸳鹭飞走了随后留下一些残余的光与影,被一种叫做照片的神奇所记录起来,瞻仰那些最完美得.当年老得渔夫直在感叹曾经的时候,我拥有着青春,然后感谢苍天让这样悲跄的夕阳下还点缀着最完美的色彩,晚霞炫耀着它的唯一然后被黑暗荼毒.
这样的古镇总是有故事的,许多人归来叹惋童年最纯真的岁月,然后坐下感叹生活碌碌的不易,许多人一直生活在这个地方,每日延着河水的边缘一直走,看着那些故去的梦境和绿苔纠缠在一起,再也无法分离.
回到了繁华的上海,每日每夜无时无刻四处周围尽是喧嚣,黄昏落日的傍晚我悄悄得站在黄浦江的南端遥望,想到离别,我便泪流满面,堆积了一座小小得坟墓,埋藏着那些痛意,我得笑容就像是夏日雨水得瞬息,一去不返.江面飘逸着杂乱得落叶,如此轻易得离开了树梢,道别时得不舍让它更加水性杨花.茉莉花茶甚是清淡,茶水上漂浮着残碎得叶片,一口口啜饮着.
忽觉背后有人轻轻的拍着我柔弱的肩膀,回过头看见熟悉的色彩然后绷紧的脸上尽是惊讶的表情,我想我是不是躲在阳光下,黑暗的装束流放着惧怕忧伤的眼神,她热情的打招呼,我用冷漠的言语告诉她我从来没想到会在这样陌生的街道陌生的天空下找到熟悉的味道,然后她咯咯的笑,像是小鸟般轻灵,然后我发现阳光愈加明媚了,像是为了故意点缀这样偶然的相遇.一年如此短崭,我和她站在匆忙的马路边上,不断来去的车辆让我们犹豫不决,找到空隙我们很有默契的一起冲向道路的对面,然后喘着气大笑不止,路旁的行人停下脚步用奇怪的眼神望着我们,像是嫉妒一些不平庸的生活.年轻的和年老的站在街道上然后互相擦肩而过.
我依然不爱讲话,她好奇的问着一些全无关系的问题,然后她忽然停下轻快的脚步挡在我的面前用双眼尝试着探索我内心深邃的角落,许久以后她慢慢的问我为什么不爱笑了,我愣了一秒钟然后微笑着告诉她哪里有.她看着我许久然后用力的摇头并且告诉我那是苦涩的笑.看着她迷惑的神情我沉默了很久很久,最后叹了一口很深很深的气,盯着她的眼睛慎重的告诉她人是会变的.她又用力摇着头告诉我人是不会变的,因为她还看得到我心底最温柔的怜悯,只是我变得好悲伤好悲伤,走在一起好像整个空气里都充斥着泪水的味道.
那个时候我会有一种愿望,躲在最黑暗的角落大声的笑,我悄悄的告诉她这幼稚的理想,她伸过头触摸我温热的额头笑着问我是否发烧,还告诉我就是因为一直活在漆黑潮湿的角落里才会不快乐.我们站在电影院的台阶上的时候,我看着她忽然想起了以前大家一起打闹的日子,那些单纯的日子或许是漫长的人生中最快乐的回忆,我将这些回忆珍藏起来,当作最珍贵的宝物.我边走边告诉她或许我还是要一个人去那个寂寞的地方,虽然这里城市里颓败的霓虹灯是繁华的象征.灯火本不繁华但变得更加颓败,我从她深黑色的瞳孔里看到自己的眼睛,片刻的沉默以后她还是告诉我不论哪里大家都是朋友,其他人也走了都在很远的地方,但是大家还是像以前那样...快乐,她停顿了一下,然后指着漆黑的天空说,每个人都是一刻星,看到那些星星就会看到他们,有时黯淡有时明亮,可是模糊的身影还是在那里,只是更加遥远了.我笑着告诉她,我是那个最黯淡的星星.
那些本来以为不会忘记的东西,随着时间一点点的过去便遗忘的彻底,坐在电影院的黑暗中看不清彼此的表情,荧幕不断跳耀的画面我却全无印象,彼此沉默了许久,我的意识有点模糊,醒来以后发现电影院满场漆黑,我盖着一件外套蜷缩在出租车的后座里,她坐在那里呆滞的望着窗外不断向后飞去的景色,我像个孩子一样躺在她的怀里,她轻轻的抚摸着我光滑的面颊然后眼泪不断的流,我装作没有看见,慢慢闭上疲惫的双眼,梦里我有很清澈的笑容,如同一个孩子一般单纯而灿烂.
车停了,停止的振动让我惊醒,我坐了起来,仔细的看着空无一人的车座和脸上冰凉的信纸,茫然若失.车到了,请付钱,司机无情的伸过粗糙的手,上面尽是岁月磨练后的伤痕,我拿起钱包付过钱然后恍惚的走进属于自己的房间.慢慢用荷兰带回来的裁纸刀轻轻的切开信封,留下一个整齐的裂痕,上面简单的写着一些文字,结尾的时候有几句附笔.她祈祷我找到一个属于自己的地方,让我不要在孤独的流离失所.我就那么安静的坐着,直到第二天的黎明我才睡去,突然想起关于那个莫兰色的首饰,很想知道它是否还摆在巴黎老街那个不知名的橱窗里,祥和的睡去,不知名的角落,传来悲伤的歌.
( 0条评论) [Entry #31]
Mar-22-04 19:25 Addtional vol.3
那些本来以为不会忘记的东西,随着时间一点点的过去便遗忘的彻底,坐在电影院的黑暗中看不清彼此的表情,荧幕不断跳耀的画面我却全无印象,彼此沉默了许久,我的意识有点模糊,醒来以后发现电影院满场漆黑,我盖着一件外套蜷缩在出租车的后座里,她坐在那里呆滞的望着窗外不断向后飞去的景色,我像个孩子一样躺在她的怀里,她轻轻的抚摸着我光滑的面颊然后眼泪不断的流,我装作没有看见,慢慢闭上疲惫的双眼,梦里我有很清澈的笑容,如同一个孩子一般单纯而灿烂.
车停了,停止的振动让我惊醒,我坐了起来,仔细的看着空无一人的车座和脸上冰凉的信纸,茫然若失.车到了,请付钱,司机无情的伸过粗糙的手,上面尽是岁月磨练后的伤痕,我拿起钱包付过钱然后恍惚的走进属于自己的房间.慢慢用荷兰带回来的裁纸刀轻轻的切开信封,留下一个整齐的裂痕,上面简单的写着一些文字,结尾的时候有几句附笔.她祈祷我找到一个属于自己的地方,让我不要在孤独的流离失所.我就那么安静的坐着,直到第二天的黎明我才睡去,突然想起关于那个莫兰色的首饰,很想知道它是否还摆在巴黎老街那个不知名的橱窗里,祥和的睡去,不知名的角落,传来悲伤的歌.
( 0条评论)
The rain fell, but it didn't fall much, i guess it was like throwing down crystals or something, the raindros must been soo commemorative and they just filled in the gaps as they arrived. I saw one squirrel bravely run through the streets during the weather looked to a treat. It might be though to spent most it's time downwards to a tree. Of cause, suddenly the whole world drives crazy, cars were sluggish during the rainfall. Didn't make any senses to the citizen people who was eager for speed and excitement. Neighbour would be kind enough to lend me an umbrella to assit in getting myself to the school. No matter how logical my thought were about being more selfish, if i am not rolling around so it didn't seem to sink in, fair enough....we'd see how the weather goes from the point, allowance times will need to be given...
( 0条评论) [Entry #49]
Apr-01-04 02:46 Rememberance of Cecilia
I was deeply saddened to read of the death of Cecilia, a little girl who was punched out of our world. Maybe heaven would be a good place on her own steps, death might be appreciate the guilty has been done by some cold-blooded person. who then with all the greed, evil in his pace. This is really the sickening news, guilty came up where human life can be treated so cheaply. Harrowing realities of two worlds of birth and death came with it, finally i'd be laid lwo by desperate and unwillingly thought of her life been ended like that. Not even a reason could not let us bereft of hope, in all that sudden, distressed and saddened left us alone and uttly cold. I realized more than ever before how short and precious our lives are...My heat goes out and i can't possibly comprehend it totally.
( 0条评论) [Entry #48]
Apr-01-04 02:28 Paskeo
It's an unsettling truth, for me at least, that we live in a world with several billion people who possess on or more definite manners, undiagnosed. I mean it's a fact. Little things that might picked out of personality, fascinations and hang-ups. In all the honesties, just tiny glimmers of our essential, natural insanity.
In fact, an obsession with things being worsen straight out, or aligned in the image that isn't irritating to my eyes. There's not any patterns to be annoying, i might in the room with dozens of things to be desire. From that moment on, whether i was looking out of my range of vision, it will narrate the stories somewhere in the back of appealing, Niggle, niggle, niggle, i couldn't ignore it and distract myself in the ways i might care to recognize. Somehow it will still remains, niggle, niggle ,niggle..
( 0条评论) [Entry #47]
Apr-01-04 02:19 Try
When i try to understand everything that heppened, i woke up in the disdainful bed, surprised to still be alive. Apparently, i was dreaming, always the same dream, the on the mountain, after the cry, when i'm running, didn't know what to expect. I don't know what woke me up, but there i was dazzing in bed, out of breath.
( 0条评论) [Entry #46]
Apr-01-04 02:09 Wat?
It's cold out, i really hate the cold and the rain. The streets here are endless, lined with strange, unfamiliar figures. There are only peace but then there's no sun either, only a cold, insensitive one.
What am i doing here, in this strange world?
I got few letters from friends, meanwhile the memories hit me, and how homesick i am for missing my friends, the weird feeling made me guilty because i might not have lifelong friends anymore. At least, i think i could't tell the whole story, we all living in different worlds.
The cold, the grayness, the ugliness, the people's stupidity, the vanity and shallowness, the promiscuity. Oh, How can i stop this pain? I was dreaming again, and running through the endless pace.
Actually, no one had noticed me sitting behind the class, no one focused on me, obviously i am not a talker like most of people. I seemed kinda out of place here, wondering i looked more at ease against a backdrop of sand and sky. The hardest part is the indifference, the impression that is invisible. I did it, it's because i'm on the way and messed up somehow. I do not feel exist in this strange place.
( 0条评论) [Entry #45]
Mar-29-04 11:12 Drugs
Of cause, because internet is the arena of particular interest for most bored boys surrounding me. Well, this maybe to optimistic an assumption, it profis a man nothing to win and drops till the end. It's hard to struggle through the life depending on daily goals, i was speculating at lengh about the wisdom in obsessive issues, but it's the way ahead all of us without any exceptions.
Weekend's not quite here, went on a bit of events among the fuzzy imagines. I've had bad time since a long time. However, I wasn't really ready to struggling the testy of life.
( 0条评论) [Entry #44]
Mar-29-04 11:11 Image
Congratulations, finally i run into the sickness again, unlike the previously time, it might be odd for a healthy-look boy who was always designated for depression. There remains the small matter of how to make the life on the right track, since i seemed reluctant to show my face with a bit cheerful expression. No longer i would be treated as a kid, isn't already indulging me in the tired old spectacle of certain figure of myself. That's the old story, i thought.
Essentially, i must be taken as a faithful reflection of the youth spirits. Along with long lives, issues as complex, emotional, and fraught were increased directly to the behavior, if i haven't come up with anything coherent, so far it's only occurred during the beginning.Could anything on earth be more progressive than the time? I was wondering if this era isn't about to stop.
( 0条评论) [Entry #43]
Mar-28-04 13:05 Scream
Things is, many people weren't in each others pockets, phone calls were occasional, they all busy to seeking the past, what then? how long have u been waiting to visit ur grandma.
what the heck was that? It's only spending times, and how sad it is, we all bitterly cold.
( 1条评论) [Entry #42]
Mar-28-04 13:05 Scream
Sometimes, the dream came up with weird feelings, i was grasp the concept that death can be condensed down to a day off for the funeral, a bunch of flowers, maybe a day with acquaintances and some offers such like a tightly defined story over this man's whole life. Halfway through doing something, our weakness as if from a daydream, life obviously it's letting up on me here, so i am getting it drop behind the time.
Late for school, appointments, it's completed late anytimes which isn't somehting i could simple switch off.
I haven't found myself was thinking better of life, and there's not any religion or decided to try in my case, actually i totally don't believe god, full of my soul is very close to me and have no attitude to the fairyland after death, that's a whole kettle to easily break down. From the bizarre sensation that it might be just to the serious feeling against the theology that death with come to us all but i don't want to make any concerns about the heck would be going to happen after prediction. From simple moments of grey sadness, god valued nothing and to outright blasts of brains-numbing.
( 0条评论) [Entry #41]
Mar-28-04 13:05 One
It seems that children everywhere were being assaulted with the words of adults who have no clue that would have been frowned upon. Many children were constantly being admonished for their colorful metaphors. In mind, i was not the one of them, which i should be appreciated. Somehow i'm treasure of freedom. Personally, nothing wrong with the desire of children, but words of parents are evolving with considerable pace and meanwhile we have to go with the flow, it simply punctuates and accentuates which is an exclamation mark. So take care of words saying in front of us.. plz..
( 0条评论) [Entry #40]
Mar-28-04 13:04 ain't flaked out
The weather broadcast wasn't lying about the climate, it's raining and i was quite surprised because of that. I'd been seeing snow for the whole winter through the windows. The sky was drifted with the interrupted lines, as many as scattered and it's really impossible to count. Of cause if it coming all afternoon i'd be crazy, no matter if my coat is waterproof.
( 0条评论) [Entry #39]
Mar-25-04 17:09 一些时光 vol.2@2004年3月2日
手指飞快敲打着键盘的时候,忽然呆滞在哪里,回忆中隐约浮现出第一次触摸电脑的样子,奔腾MMX的老古董,但我的脸上尽是满足.估计现在它正在哪个破旧的垃圾站静悄悄的叹息恍然的命运,被抛弃了的其实不止是它,还有我们.我想我是被遗弃的孩子,要不然为什么那么悲伤?
其实每个人每天都在老去,可以躲开某个恨之入骨的人,可是没有人躲得掉时间.第一次听流行音乐得时候,我在那反覆无常得隐约中沉淀下去,随后紧紧留下轻浮得梦想.记得当时握一个人站在学校得顶楼,风黑月高得夜晚数星星和月亮,然而,月亮只有一个,不论怎么幻想,它还是唯一得.于是理所当然得,月亮成为了夜里仅存得憧憬.
平静得,淡雅得微笑着,顶楼我独自一人,风吹来凉凉得.还在痴心妄想着遥远得某个角落有某个帝国正被英雄颠覆,还有故事得结尾处有个看不到边际得花园,里面绽开着最美丽得紫罗兰,看着他倒下去,孤独得沉睡在静谧得花丛中,然后看到花丛最深处得玫瑰映现着妖艳得色泽.我大笑着,用笑容来表达我得不屑一顾.
( 1条评论) [Entry #38]
Mar-25-04 08:37 一些时光@2004年3月1日
近来极是感叹一些关于天气的变化,总是想不断质疑网络上错误连篇的天气预报,每日的清晨和夜晚不断变换着自己的衣着,有点感到自己又裹起邋遢的绿色外套,经过一个冬日的洗礼,它成功的被称为颓废的代名.起床以后简单的打理一下蓬乱的长发和不省人事的眼神便延着静谧的小路穿行在淡蓝色的天空下,在这样特别的日子,我的肩膀和眉毛舒展了一点点,每次走过桥的时候都会感到浑身的不自在然后幻想坠落时悲惨的样子.想起来,昨日还在落雪纷纷,我越来越难以承受被冬日的气息笼罩,那冷漠的日子让我只记得伤感.从河边路过的时候,沉积的碎冰正敲击着石头的边缘,我感谢上苍终于这只是冬日最后的挣扎,白茫茫的视野就犹如预言一般成为了曾经,虽然我还记得一些雪中迷失过许多次本不应迷失的方向.白色的水泥路上载着纯净的精灵,我想它们都已经很老了,天空的落雪还是不断的飘,以前我只懂得问自己这样苍茫的落寞何时才能够中止.大概,自己很害怕听到关于苍老的词汇,仔细想想是自己太过多虑了,不满十七岁的小孩子生活理应该是充满阳光的.有点远离了自己曾经的习惯,所以我再也不倾注所有而为了获得自由,我已经拥有了,而且很自由.
那些过去的时候我都和朋友一起捏造关于回忆的玩偶,摆在桌子上是件多美好的事情,生活中所有的一切都是围绕在朋友中经历苦难快乐或者被纵容的所有.长大了,便不太懂得那些最单纯的快乐.不过,我在那些几近疯狂的日子里学到了叫做叛逆的词汇,从此以后我不在按着所有人规定好的方法去生活,可以在课上悠闲的小觑睡眠便是我最自豪的举动,其实仔细想想我还是很认真的,只不过很顽皮,所以我看似荒废了许多并不重要的时光.记得罗丹的雕塑,就出现在教室最后排的座位上,不同地方很蹊跷,他看着外面然后脸上尽是迷惑,然而那个雕像就是我,毫无怀疑的肯定.
( 0条评论) [Entry #37]
Mar-24-04 12:07 Dear
I was seriously thinking about the best part of this whole freaking year, how pathetic am i. I just need to get over it, i needed my friends, whether they're new or from the past, i need friends who will be there aside me, it seems impossible since i had left, it's funny that i was seems the loneliest boy in the world, but i demanded too much if i could be together with them, i was just sick of it and wanted waiting for some1 to call, while i was alone.
Lots of ppl always want to pretend their daily lives with a seady rythm or beat were not real for them, they were trying to lie themselves, thanks god i am not being too mature like them, when in the reality, i was truly playing the games of pretend. I don't know if that's me, maybe i was faltered, everyday has been the same. I was still reassuring my mind that there was people surrounding me, at times i seemed to ignore it, back nowadays i am trying to blame this whold world is soo freaky, i was soo naive and stupid. i still didn't know as much as my ages, and even don't thinks some1 would ever admit me, for some reasons, when the things suddenly started to getting worse.
I have concluded that i won't be alone as long as my whole freaky life, but maybe it would just stands for a while.....
( 3条评论) [Entry #36]
Mar-24-04 11:32 Oh..
Some1 said to me that i would never be serious about life, i was too self-willing to concern my duty, and i suppose there's an element of truth. How about if i am end up being weak, cynical, and not giving anything to any1. i definatly have my moments, but who doesn't, righ?
I met some1 and dive in their head first, showing them with attention, i was hoping maybe sometime they would be different. When I was thinking about the life around, my walls are too high to be climbed upon, good luck to those who would try, they won't be too sucessful. I had to let myself getting involved and finding another kinda life worth the risks, the freaking thing is, i've been through enough.
It's not bad to appreciate all my past , i can't get the idea out of it, althrough i did find it absolutly valuable to see all the crazy things that poped up out of nowhere, and picked the most what i needed. Finally, finally i could smile, which i inevitably can't even seem to wipe off the tears on my face, good thing is, i am not running in the circle anymore.
( 0条评论) [Entry #35]
Mar-23-04 19:28 A Breath
I spent a day doing all the standard things, sleeping, eating, reading, and attending school.
This morning before i woke up, i visited somewhere in the dream, to say the least, a strange and frustarting experience.
Earth would never have this place, a seven day week and breakfast won't show up that tragic wogan. In the tales of white princess, no one ever care about the bad peoples, they might be wicked people or neck of victims.
Whatever the rule of road surely must be the case and world certainly explained how would it works. Behaviour of a crazy man has been concerned a sin to getting close, that almost seize the right of human by it's prejudice. As viewing the mirror, the evil part of soul overtook the shape of heart, half-way around before the world out of conscience,those awkard situations where it's hard to tell.
No matter who's on the right way, selfishness is still a sort of human nature, god created it and we can't pretend. It causes the frustration, and the growling, while we were beating against the steering wheel of the time. I really have no clue why any1 wanted to go to heaven. It's really ridiculous where no one has time for anyone to alive even it's about the memories, some1 else is too darn selfish to notice. God blamed human infringe a reality and hopes, rifts stays in the
shadow.
i found this floating through the yearning and decided that is was somehow appropriate for one day. A day of the birth and death, who could passed into the light at the beginning of tragedy, he would be willingly as the god.
( 0条评论) [Entry #34]
Mar-23-04 18:44 Dismiss
I have found myself bewildered by the odd attitude, it's precisely put on this situation cropping up recently, while i was looking some words on the internet. i had come across along the alised font from range of square letters, specifically designed for the majority of insanity. Now, i am sure i would somewhat envy our ancestors who asscociated those words and plenty of literatures. However, a bit of mixed up words would make it seems more worthy to follow.
For every1, everything wonderful in a world of it's own. In despite of the honour itself, while we were faced with a sense of despair, the thriving scenery that had been the curled up and died, heart and soul are closing with an uncertain future.
( 0条评论) [Entry #33]
Mar-23-04 18:44 Let's start
Again, i really felt i should run off the sadness, i need trying to write something to make me feel better, for some senses with related to the real. I think the life nowadays is sort of loosssssing its appeal to me, i feel stified, there was never any in the place, but my sense of it has vanished.
Everything became soo dramtically normal, life is no longer something i've just sitting there leisurely watching them, the death and lives, now i cound't find any thing that myself got involved, so much things happened to me, and soo little things happened to make me happy, it's being through the past the future, life in canada is boring and crapy for me. Being home with exhausted emotions, i turn on my comp as usual, friends on the list are disappeared one by one, i feel disconnected with them, and missing them soo much, some memories appears where i was always around friends and have no time to consider the negative side of life. I don't know wat to do, a whole freaking year of nothing...Somehow,it's weired and i totally don't like it.
Maybe i should trying to make some decisions, i don't want to sleep over the night and day...when i woke up at mid-night or noon, it freaked me out so i just run outta the dream. I wasn't casually looking after myself. How funny is that, and scary.
( 0条评论) [Entry #32]
Mar-22-04 19:29 想念秋天@2004年2月19日(完整的)
古镇石头搭成的桥一副古旧的模样,站在上面让风缓缓的吹过细柔的发梢,看着流水似如年华一般老去,挽住的只有无穷无尽的欲望.听着一个童谣淡漠的叙述着平凡的神话,让人敬仰其中若远若离的朦胧,鸳鹭飞走了随后留下一些残余的光与影,被一种叫做照片的神奇所记录起来,瞻仰那些最完美得.当年老得渔夫直在感叹曾经的时候,我拥有着青春,然后感谢苍天让这样悲跄的夕阳下还点缀着最完美的色彩,晚霞炫耀着它的唯一然后被黑暗荼毒.
这样的古镇总是有故事的,许多人归来叹惋童年最纯真的岁月,然后坐下感叹生活碌碌的不易,许多人一直生活在这个地方,每日延着河水的边缘一直走,看着那些故去的梦境和绿苔纠缠在一起,再也无法分离.
回到了繁华的上海,每日每夜无时无刻四处周围尽是喧嚣,黄昏落日的傍晚我悄悄得站在黄浦江的南端遥望,想到离别,我便泪流满面,堆积了一座小小得坟墓,埋藏着那些痛意,我得笑容就像是夏日雨水得瞬息,一去不返.江面飘逸着杂乱得落叶,如此轻易得离开了树梢,道别时得不舍让它更加水性杨花.茉莉花茶甚是清淡,茶水上漂浮着残碎得叶片,一口口啜饮着.
忽觉背后有人轻轻的拍着我柔弱的肩膀,回过头看见熟悉的色彩然后绷紧的脸上尽是惊讶的表情,我想我是不是躲在阳光下,黑暗的装束流放着惧怕忧伤的眼神,她热情的打招呼,我用冷漠的言语告诉她我从来没想到会在这样陌生的街道陌生的天空下找到熟悉的味道,然后她咯咯的笑,像是小鸟般轻灵,然后我发现阳光愈加明媚了,像是为了故意点缀这样偶然的相遇.一年如此短崭,我和她站在匆忙的马路边上,不断来去的车辆让我们犹豫不决,找到空隙我们很有默契的一起冲向道路的对面,然后喘着气大笑不止,路旁的行人停下脚步用奇怪的眼神望着我们,像是嫉妒一些不平庸的生活.年轻的和年老的站在街道上然后互相擦肩而过.
我依然不爱讲话,她好奇的问着一些全无关系的问题,然后她忽然停下轻快的脚步挡在我的面前用双眼尝试着探索我内心深邃的角落,许久以后她慢慢的问我为什么不爱笑了,我愣了一秒钟然后微笑着告诉她哪里有.她看着我许久然后用力的摇头并且告诉我那是苦涩的笑.看着她迷惑的神情我沉默了很久很久,最后叹了一口很深很深的气,盯着她的眼睛慎重的告诉她人是会变的.她又用力摇着头告诉我人是不会变的,因为她还看得到我心底最温柔的怜悯,只是我变得好悲伤好悲伤,走在一起好像整个空气里都充斥着泪水的味道.
那个时候我会有一种愿望,躲在最黑暗的角落大声的笑,我悄悄的告诉她这幼稚的理想,她伸过头触摸我温热的额头笑着问我是否发烧,还告诉我就是因为一直活在漆黑潮湿的角落里才会不快乐.我们站在电影院的台阶上的时候,我看着她忽然想起了以前大家一起打闹的日子,那些单纯的日子或许是漫长的人生中最快乐的回忆,我将这些回忆珍藏起来,当作最珍贵的宝物.我边走边告诉她或许我还是要一个人去那个寂寞的地方,虽然这里城市里颓败的霓虹灯是繁华的象征.灯火本不繁华但变得更加颓败,我从她深黑色的瞳孔里看到自己的眼睛,片刻的沉默以后她还是告诉我不论哪里大家都是朋友,其他人也走了都在很远的地方,但是大家还是像以前那样...快乐,她停顿了一下,然后指着漆黑的天空说,每个人都是一刻星,看到那些星星就会看到他们,有时黯淡有时明亮,可是模糊的身影还是在那里,只是更加遥远了.我笑着告诉她,我是那个最黯淡的星星.
那些本来以为不会忘记的东西,随着时间一点点的过去便遗忘的彻底,坐在电影院的黑暗中看不清彼此的表情,荧幕不断跳耀的画面我却全无印象,彼此沉默了许久,我的意识有点模糊,醒来以后发现电影院满场漆黑,我盖着一件外套蜷缩在出租车的后座里,她坐在那里呆滞的望着窗外不断向后飞去的景色,我像个孩子一样躺在她的怀里,她轻轻的抚摸着我光滑的面颊然后眼泪不断的流,我装作没有看见,慢慢闭上疲惫的双眼,梦里我有很清澈的笑容,如同一个孩子一般单纯而灿烂.
车停了,停止的振动让我惊醒,我坐了起来,仔细的看着空无一人的车座和脸上冰凉的信纸,茫然若失.车到了,请付钱,司机无情的伸过粗糙的手,上面尽是岁月磨练后的伤痕,我拿起钱包付过钱然后恍惚的走进属于自己的房间.慢慢用荷兰带回来的裁纸刀轻轻的切开信封,留下一个整齐的裂痕,上面简单的写着一些文字,结尾的时候有几句附笔.她祈祷我找到一个属于自己的地方,让我不要在孤独的流离失所.我就那么安静的坐着,直到第二天的黎明我才睡去,突然想起关于那个莫兰色的首饰,很想知道它是否还摆在巴黎老街那个不知名的橱窗里,祥和的睡去,不知名的角落,传来悲伤的歌.
( 0条评论) [Entry #31]
Mar-22-04 19:25 Addtional vol.3
那些本来以为不会忘记的东西,随着时间一点点的过去便遗忘的彻底,坐在电影院的黑暗中看不清彼此的表情,荧幕不断跳耀的画面我却全无印象,彼此沉默了许久,我的意识有点模糊,醒来以后发现电影院满场漆黑,我盖着一件外套蜷缩在出租车的后座里,她坐在那里呆滞的望着窗外不断向后飞去的景色,我像个孩子一样躺在她的怀里,她轻轻的抚摸着我光滑的面颊然后眼泪不断的流,我装作没有看见,慢慢闭上疲惫的双眼,梦里我有很清澈的笑容,如同一个孩子一般单纯而灿烂.
车停了,停止的振动让我惊醒,我坐了起来,仔细的看着空无一人的车座和脸上冰凉的信纸,茫然若失.车到了,请付钱,司机无情的伸过粗糙的手,上面尽是岁月磨练后的伤痕,我拿起钱包付过钱然后恍惚的走进属于自己的房间.慢慢用荷兰带回来的裁纸刀轻轻的切开信封,留下一个整齐的裂痕,上面简单的写着一些文字,结尾的时候有几句附笔.她祈祷我找到一个属于自己的地方,让我不要在孤独的流离失所.我就那么安静的坐着,直到第二天的黎明我才睡去,突然想起关于那个莫兰色的首饰,很想知道它是否还摆在巴黎老街那个不知名的橱窗里,祥和的睡去,不知名的角落,传来悲伤的歌.
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