韩复渠的演讲奇文

[Wu Sansan]

民国年间，军阀韩复渠斗大的字不识一升。但他在任山东省主席时，却爱冒充斯文，到处发表"讲演"。他在齐鲁大学的一次演讲，就是一篇难得的奇文。
　
　　诸位、各位、在齐位：今天是什么天气，今天就是演讲的天气。来宾十分茂盛，敝人也实在感冒。今天来的人不少咧，看样子大体有8/5啦，来到的不说，没来的把手举起来！很好，都来了！

　　今天兄弟召集大家来训一训，兄弟有说得不对的，大家应该相互原谅。你们是文化人，都是大学生、中学生、留洋生。你们这些乌合之众是科学科的，化学化的，都懂得七八国英文，兄弟我是大老粗，连中国的英文都不懂。你们大家都是笔杆子里爬出来的，我是炮筒子里钻出来的。今天来这里讲话，真使我蓬荜生辉，感恩戴德。其实，我没有资格给你们讲话，讲起来嘛，就像对牛弹琴，也可以说是鹤立鸡群了。

　　今天，不准备多讲，先讲三个纲目。蒋委员长的新生活运动，兄弟我举双手赞成。就一条，行人靠右走，着实不妥。大家想想，行人都靠右走，那左边留给谁呢？还有件事，兄弟我想不通。外国人在北京东交民巷都建立了大使馆，就缺我们中国的。我们中国为什么不在那儿建个大使馆呢？说来说去，中国人真是太软弱了。第三个纲目，学生篮球赛，肯定是总务长贪污了。那学校为什么 会那么穷酸？十来个人穿着裤衩抢一个球，像什么样？多不雅观。明天到我公馆领笔钱，多买几个球，一人发一个，省得再你争我抢的。

　　今天这里没有外人，也没有坏人，所以我想告诉大家三个机密：第一个机密暂时不能告诉大家，第二个机密的内容跟第一个机密一个样，第三个机密前面两点已经讲了，今天的演讲就到这里，谢谢诸位。

 

[heureux]

嗯，好好学习，就像当年背老三篇一样先把韩主席语录背下来。觉得胡弄中国人是不行了，下次胡弄老外试试！

巫同学好人做到底，把该文翻译成加拿大的英文吧？

 

[Wu Sansan]

Han Fuqu lecture odd piece of writing

民国年间, warlord Han Fuqu the 斗大 character does not know a litre. But he when is appointed Shandong Province president, actually likes pretending to be refined, everywhere publishes "speech". He in a Qi and Lu University's lecture, is a rare odd piece of writing.

You, each, in Qi: Today is any weather, today is the lecture weather. The guest is extremely luxuriant, my also solid cold. Today comes the person many, evidently roughly some 8/5, arrives did not say, has not come to lift the hand! Very good, all came!

Today brothers call everybody to teach, brothers have said not right, everybody should mutually forgive. You are the cultural worker, all is the university student, the middle-school student, studies abroad lives. Your these motley crews are the scientific branches, the chemicalization, all understood 78 countries English, brothers I am the big uneducated person, China's English all does not understand. Your everybody is in the pen crawls, I am in the artillery pony roll drill. Today comes here to speak, really causes me 蓬荜生辉, is grateful. Actually, I do not have the qualifications to speak for you, say, the picture plays a stringed musical instrument to the cow, also may say was 鹤立鸡群.

Today, does not prepare to say, first speaks three 纲目. Chairman Jiang's new life movement, brothers I lift both hands approval. The pedestrian depends on right walks, really wears improper. Everybody thought that, the pedestrians all depend on right walk, left side of that remains for who? Also has a matter, brothers I cannot think through. The foreigner has all established the embassy in Beijing 东交民巷, lacks our China. Why doesn't our China construct an embassy in the there? Says over and over again, the Chinese really was too weak. Third 纲目, the student basket sports match, definitely was chairman of exec board embezzles. Why can that school be that poor and pedantic? Ten personally puts on the trousers vent to snatch a ball, what type likes? Many is uncouth. Will get a sum of money tomorrow to my mansion, will buy several balls, a person will send, avoid again you will struggle me to snatch.

Today here does not have the bystander, also does not have the unprincipled person, therefore I want to tell everybody three secrets: The first secret temporarily cannot tell everybody, the second secret content with a first secret type, in front of the third secret two already said, today lecture arrives here, thanks you.

eh?

 

[蛋炒饭]

在刘宝瑞的单口相声里听过这段

 

[heureux]

最初由 Wu Sansan 发布

eh?

wa, thanks a million!

 

[任天翔]

哇

 

[heureux]

最初由 Wu Sansan 发布

eh?

I again looked once, felt head larger!

 

[小吱]

。。。

 

[Wu Sansan]

咏泰山

远看泰山黑乎乎
上头细来下头粗
有朝一日倒过来
下头细来上头粗

 

[cfcsky]

......

 

[Wu Sansan]

最初由 Wu Sansan 发布
咏泰山

远看泰山黑乎乎
上头细来下头粗
有朝一日倒过来
下头细来上头粗

Chants Taishan

Far above looked Taishan dark above thin comes thick some day under thin to come to be thick in reverse

－　by Han Fuqu

 

[Bordeaux]

这韩复渠倒挺像个哲学家的，比清华的校长强。

 

[笑筱璇]

哈哈