Hi, spongeboob, this will crack you up

[开喜]

Canadian Health Care

Two patients limped into two different Canadian medical clinics with the same problem. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The second sees his family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't viewed for another month and finally has his surgery scheduled for a year from then.

Why the different treatment of the two patients?

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The first one is a Golden Retriever; the second is an elderly man.

 

[开喜]

Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone one else to hold them while you chop away.

3. For high blook pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. Have a bad cough? Take laxatives, you will be afraid to cough.

6. Have a tootchache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

 

[开喜]

Rules of life

You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.

If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40.

If it moves and shouldn't, use Duct Tape.

 

[开喜]

Spongeboob, this one is the best so far... ...

Mailman's last day...

It was the mailman's last day, after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, and old age pensioner presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When they had finished, they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring the coffe, the mailman noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All of this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for"?

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "F*** him. Give him a dollar."

The lady then said to the mailman, "The breakfast was my idea!"

 

[cqliu]

So guys, don't leave your wives with any f*** ideas at home.

菩提原是树
明镜台依然
何须执无物
佛性即尘埃

 

[楚天舒]

虽没读完,想必一定是很好故事.

 

[赤练仙子]

:lol: :lol2:

 

[SpongeBoob]

I want to be the Golden Retriever, or better yet, one among the endangered species here in Canada to get on the list of government priority.

You know what, the Golden Retriever never paid a penny of tax either!

 

[SpongeBoob]

Re: Rules of life

最初由 开喜 发布
You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.

If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40.

If it moves and shouldn't, use Duct Tape.

:lol: So true!

I used duct tape to mend a broken heart.

 

[SpongeBoob]

Re: Spongeboob, this one is the best so far... ...

He said, "F*** him. Give him a dollar."

The lady then said to the mailman, "The breakfast was my idea!" [/B][/QUOTE]

OMG, I laugh my tears out. My sponge is all wet and soaked.

 

[开喜]

I found that the best jokes are the ones that make you laugh at the last line with an unexpected yet reasonable twist. I am glad spongeboob like this mailman joke. I was at an appointment yesterday and sitting in the waiting room is not funny - until I picked up this and started to read. I was like spongeboob - laughed my tears out, completely forgot where I was. The receptionist sais she's got to have to read that too because every client who read it started laughing like that. hehe.

 

[SpongeBoob]

最初由 开喜 发布
[B I was at an appointment yesterday and sitting in the waiting room is not funny - until I picked up this and started to read. I was like spongeboob - laughed my tears out, completely forgot where I was. The receptionist sais she's got to have to read that too because every client who read it started laughing like that. hehe. [/B]

Wish I had those jokes to loose me up at my recent dental appointment. Thank God, the recovery is good, and it doesn't hurt to laugh! Thanks, dear.

 

[wuwei]

When I worked at a buffet house, a cook asked me how to call a prostitute in English.
”Hey, fxxk you!!!......how much? ” I said.

Everybody calls him “fxxk you” since.

 

[SpongeBoob]

最初由 wuwei 发布
When I worked at a buffet house, a cook asked me how to call a prostitute in English.
”Hey, fxxk you!!!......how much? ” I said.

Everybody calls him “fxxk you” since.

Did he get a "All You Can FxxK" deal?

 

[wuwei]

最初由 SpongeBoob 发布


Did he get a "All You Can FxxK" deal?

haha, i guess he got the lesson