2月14日的帖子

[shusheng]

THE BOSS WALKED INTO THE OFFICE ONE MORNING NOT KNOWING THAT HIS ZIPPER WAS DOWN AND HIS FLY AREA IS WIDE OPEN. HIS SECRETARY WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID "BOSS, THIS MORNING WHEN YOU LEFT YOUR HOUSE, DID YOU CLOSEYOUR GARAGE DOOR?"

THIS WAS NOT A PHRASE THAT HER BOSS UNDERSTOOD, SO HE WENT INTO HIS OFFICE LOOKING A BIT PUZZLED. WHEN HE WAS ABOUT DONE WITH HIS PAPERWORK, HE SUDDENLY NOTICED THAT HIS ZIPPER WAS NOT ZIPPED UP. HE ZIPPED UP AND REMEMBERING WHAT HIS SECRETARY HAD TOLD HIM, HE FINALLY UNDERSTOOD.
THEN HE INTENTIONALLY WENT OUT TO ASK FOR A CUP OF COFFEE FROM HIS SECRETARY. WHEN HE REACHED HER DESK, HE SAID "WHEN YOU SAW THE GARAGE DOOR OPEN DID YOU SEE MY HUMMER PARKED IN THERE?"

THE SECRETARY SMILED FOR A MOMENT AND SAID "NO, SIR I DIDN'T, ALL I SAW WAS A MINI COOPER WITH 2 FLAT TIRES"

 

[shusheng]

A man wanted to get married.
He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates.
He gave each woman a present of $5,000 and watched to see what they
would do with the money.

The first did a total make-over. She went to a fancy beauty salon, got
her hair done, new make-up and bought several new outfits, then dressed
up very nicely for the man. She told him that she had done this to be
more attractive for him because she loved him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second went shopping to buy the man gifts. She got him a new set of
golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive
clothes. As she presented these gifts, she told him that she had spent
all the money on him because she loved him so much
Again, the man was impressed.

The third invested the money in the stock market. She earned several
times the $5,000.She gave him back his $5,000 and reinvested the
remainder in a joint account. She told him that she wanted to save for
their future because she loved him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done
with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

 

[shusheng]

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We
decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a
teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all
different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at
him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter
old man! never done anything wild in your life?'
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on
his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style he
did not bat an eye in his response, 'Got drunk once and had sex with a
peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

 

[nightingale]

+18

 

[shusheng]

One of the city's top cardiac specialists died.

At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart, made of red roses. When the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their good-byes, The large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart
closed again.

It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist.

Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter. Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked 'Why are you laughing, Mister?'
'I was just thinking about my own funeral,' the man replied. 'I'm a gynecologist'.

 

[shusheng]

A bus carrying only ugly people is involved in a crash, and everyone on
the bus dies. They go to Heaven.

Because of the grief they have suffered, God decides to grant them one
wish each, before they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what their wish is. The
person answers, 'I want to be beautiful,' and so God snaps His fingers,
and it is done.

The second one in line sees this and says 'I want to be beautiful too.'
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while, but when God is halfway down the line,the last
person in line starts laughing.

When there are only ten people left, this man is rolling on the floor,
laughing his pants off.

Finally, God gets to the end of the line and asks the laughing one what
his wish will be. The man eventually catches his breath, and says: 'Make
'em all ugly again'.

 

[我从山东来]

Today every female employee in our company will receive one rose bunch and a hug from my boss as routine.

 

[nightingale]

urologist

 

[胡同里来的人]

haha

make them ugly again!

 

[胡同里来的人]

Today every female employee in our company will receive one rose bunch and a hug from my boss as routine.

well, you should volunteer to take over at least half of his work... the hug part of course

 

[athletic]

........ 'Make 'em all ugly again'.