Donald Trump
Honestly, I am impressed with the detail in
Trump’s hair. But his physique is very strange. With the greatest of respect, Trump’s figure usually resembles a hastily packed sleeping bag, and yet here, he has the torso of Jon Hamm in Mad Men. But one element is true to life: look at that
tiny hand. The hand of a delicate porcelain doll. Credit to Thomas for his attention to detail re Trump’s beverage choice – his well-documented favourite, Diet Coke. There’s absolutely no way he’d be seen drinking it from a glass, however, as evidenced in the cracking of cans during interviews (
up to 12 a day, apparently).
Abraham Lincoln
You would think that the president
routinely voted the best in America’s history would be face on. But not a bit of it. All we get of Lincoln is a peek at a slimmed-down, rather
Papa Roach-looking goatee (see also:
Virgil van Dijk). Lincoln here basically looks like a nu-metal star being difficult in an interview circa 2004. And sitting on the kind of mismatching chair that gets roped in for a potluck dinner party. Let’s be honest: Thomas must have struggled to render the great man – and his
Easter Island statuesque head – and compromised. Lincoln drinks a simple water, because, like Gwyneth Paltrow, he knows it is important to stay hydrated.
Gerald Ford
What I love about Ford’s representation is that he looks like a photograph of a suburban dad that comes with the insert of a photo frame. You are tempted to just leave it as is.
Richard Nixon
Sorry, but this is clearly not Nixon. This is
Jack Nicholson, circa The Shining. And remember: “
But when the president does it, that means it’s not illegal!” Iconic. Legend. Absolute baller.
George HW Bush
Thomas has painted Bush senior going for a very middle manager look here: open-necked shirt, suit jacket, one hand casually in pocket. This look is very: “I’m your boss! But I am also your friend!” The grin suggests he might like to make meetings “fun”; that he points at people and says, “Shoot!” when they start to speak. It’s impossible to tell from this angle, but he might even be wearing jeans. He tries to be super woke, but never gets it right – and never realises. He brings beer around the office at 4pm on Fridays, and forces one on Sarah, even though she is teetotal and has been for 18 years.
Dwight Eisenhower
There is no way anybody’s looking at this portrayal and thinking, “34th US president, Eisenhower!” Everyone is looking at this and thinking, “Fred Astaire, the 20th-century all-round entertainer!” That’s just facts.
Teddy Roosevelt
I’ve never really noticed this before, but Teddy Roosevelt looks like every single avuncular character in a cartoon who mends clocks, or does carpentry, or sells books, with his frameless specs and his
Gareth Southgate waistcoat. But look closely here at Roosevelt – the grimace on his face, his position – and, I’m so sorry, but it looks like he’s holding in a tremendous fart.
Ronald Reagan
I am not sure what Thomas’ personal beef with Reagan is, but he has painted him drinking what seems to be … a
Sex on the Beach. But, hey, look at that deep tan, the relaxed posture – maybe he’s just come back from a break in Madeira.
George W Bush
What I like most about the way Bush is depicted is that his facial expression, a fixed grin, speaks to a man who has zero idea of where he is, and what is going on, which is how I imagine most of his time in office went. Remember, this is the dude who, when told of the September 11 terrorist attacks, was holding a children’s book,
which he continued to read from.
Background
There’s a tiny rendition of Calvin Coolidge behind the other presidents, and beyond, an even tinier Warren G Harding, and given that I had to Google this guy, that seems appropriate. There is one woman in the painting: walking to the foreground like a precursor to women’s ascendancy in US politics, and eventually, the presidency itself. OH NO, WAIT.