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Elon To Stay As Twitter CEO After Counting Mail-In Votes
INTERNET·Dec 19, 2022 · BabylonBee.com
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — After posting a Twitter poll that seemed to indicate most Twitter users want him to step down from Twitter's leadership, Elon Musk has revealed that millions of mail-in ballots sent in yesterday confirmed most people want him to stay.
"Initially the poll seemed to indicate that the majority of users and bots wish me gone, but that was a mirage," said Musk as he emerged from a dark, windowless room with stacks of ballots. "It looks like we got an overnight dump of 2 million mail-in votes that all say they want me to stay in charge of Twitter! Imagine that! Vox Populi Vox Dei!"
The dump reportedly came after millions of people around the world realized they had missed the Twitter poll and desperately sent in hand-written appeals begging the eccentric billionaire to keep running Twitter. "Please Mr. Musk! Don't leave! Twitter is fun now! PLEASE!" read one earnest note.
Officials with the FBI are reportedly outraged that the mail-in results were enough to overturn their expensive Chinese bot farm and are demanding a recount.
Twitter users are being urged to accept the results of this "free, fair, and totally secure" election — unless they want to be given the shameful label of "election denier."
babylonbee.com
计算邮寄选票后，埃隆将继续担任 Twitter 首席执行官
互联网·2022 年 12 月 19 日 · BabylonBee.com
加利福尼亚州旧金山——埃隆·马斯克 (Elon Musk) 在发布了一项似乎表明大多数 Twitter 用户希望他辞去 Twitter 领导层的 Twitter 民意调查后透露，昨天发送的数百万张邮寄选票证实，大多数人希望他留下来。
“最初民意调查似乎表明大多数用户和机器人都希望我离开，但那是海市蜃楼，”马斯克从一间没有窗户的黑暗房间里出来时说，房间里放着成堆的选票。“看起来我们一夜之间收到了 200 万张邮寄选票，所有人都说他们希望我继续负责 Twitter！想象一下！Vox Populi Vox Dei！”
据报道，在世界各地数百万人意识到他们错过了 Twitter 民意调查后，他们拼命发送手写呼吁，请求这位古怪的亿万富翁继续运营 Twitter。“拜托马斯克先生！不要离开！推特现在很有趣！拜托！” 读一篇认真的笔记。
据报道，联邦调查局的官员对邮寄结果足以推翻他们昂贵的中国机器人农场感到愤怒，并要求重新计票。
推特用户被敦促接受这次“自由、公平和完全安全”的选举结果——除非他们想被贴上“选举否认者”的可耻标签。
INTERNET·Dec 19, 2022 · BabylonBee.com
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — After posting a Twitter poll that seemed to indicate most Twitter users want him to step down from Twitter's leadership, Elon Musk has revealed that millions of mail-in ballots sent in yesterday confirmed most people want him to stay.
"Initially the poll seemed to indicate that the majority of users and bots wish me gone, but that was a mirage," said Musk as he emerged from a dark, windowless room with stacks of ballots. "It looks like we got an overnight dump of 2 million mail-in votes that all say they want me to stay in charge of Twitter! Imagine that! Vox Populi Vox Dei!"
The dump reportedly came after millions of people around the world realized they had missed the Twitter poll and desperately sent in hand-written appeals begging the eccentric billionaire to keep running Twitter. "Please Mr. Musk! Don't leave! Twitter is fun now! PLEASE!" read one earnest note.
Officials with the FBI are reportedly outraged that the mail-in results were enough to overturn their expensive Chinese bot farm and are demanding a recount.
Twitter users are being urged to accept the results of this "free, fair, and totally secure" election — unless they want to be given the shameful label of "election denier."
Elon To Stay As Twitter CEO After Counting Mail-In Votes
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — After posting a Twitter poll that seemed to indicate most Twitter users want him to step down from Twitter's leadership, Elon Musk has revealed that millions of mail-in ballots sent in yesterday confirmed most people want him to stay.
babylonbee.com
计算邮寄选票后，埃隆将继续担任 Twitter 首席执行官
互联网·2022 年 12 月 19 日 · BabylonBee.com
加利福尼亚州旧金山——埃隆·马斯克 (Elon Musk) 在发布了一项似乎表明大多数 Twitter 用户希望他辞去 Twitter 领导层的 Twitter 民意调查后透露，昨天发送的数百万张邮寄选票证实，大多数人希望他留下来。
“最初民意调查似乎表明大多数用户和机器人都希望我离开，但那是海市蜃楼，”马斯克从一间没有窗户的黑暗房间里出来时说，房间里放着成堆的选票。“看起来我们一夜之间收到了 200 万张邮寄选票，所有人都说他们希望我继续负责 Twitter！想象一下！Vox Populi Vox Dei！”
据报道，在世界各地数百万人意识到他们错过了 Twitter 民意调查后，他们拼命发送手写呼吁，请求这位古怪的亿万富翁继续运营 Twitter。“拜托马斯克先生！不要离开！推特现在很有趣！拜托！” 读一篇认真的笔记。
据报道，联邦调查局的官员对邮寄结果足以推翻他们昂贵的中国机器人农场感到愤怒，并要求重新计票。
推特用户被敦促接受这次“自由、公平和完全安全”的选举结果——除非他们想被贴上“选举否认者”的可耻标签。
，一龙和左渣们学坏了。
