我们这儿一位老哥,在美加闯荡十多年,最近刚回北京休养(也不是第一次回,但可能是好久没回去了),发来一封Email... 蛮有趣
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Good day man, some thought since I came back Beijing and my new life might start off from this point.
It's so damn right that everybody has their own orbit of life, especially when he or she is at some certain ages. Ever noticed the fact when you met a friend long time no seeing, you actually expecting something happened to him out of your expectation like, he would have been changed so much, wiser, more learned, humbler, richer or less talking so and so. Nothing wrong with this sort of delusions about our friends, we all want our friends to be rich and famous, we all want to be somebody, and before that we all want to be somebody's friend of rich and famous.
I don't know what I am talking about right now; just have a feeling since I came back Beijing. A lot of things changed about this city that I don't really care. A city is just a city, a place made of streets and buildings, restaurants and parks. Clean rivers and green mountains used to be part of this city. Whatever I don't really care about all these. What I really care now is people, and the people related to my life.
It wouldn't surprise you if somebody tells you that he is so busy in China. I've been aware of this situation since I came back. So if I want to meet somebody, friends or not, at the moment you were calling him/her, he/she's always in the middle of something. Which leaves me an impression that if a person in China who is not claimed of busyness, he must be a dead man. I mean who the hell of like to make a friend of dead man.
I am a "dead" man. At this moment I am the only one who is not busy, and I am the only man in the street wandering for the street view only. I am the only man at large without engaged into any business. How I adore the businessperson with their cell phone ringing all the time to bother him, and I adore the expression of the face and the shrunk of the shoulders about his helplessness of this cell phone harassment. From the bottom of my heart, I don't really want a life like the one they for years created and nurtured, and I don't like the way they complain about how so busy they are that don't have time to share with friends and family. I can tell that there is something wrong there but I just can't say how or what, because everybody is like that.
Damn hard for me to make a life today in Beijing, I doubt if I should rush into an airplane to Canada. To tell you the truth, though not assured yet, my Chinese is handicapped and make no sense to nobody that I was a Beijinger and hard to sell any part of myself to anybody. Am I so depressed and rejected? No body buy nothing of mine? And if you were a salesperson, what would you think about yourself.
What is my orbit of life? Do I have one or not? Where is the true north of my life? Are we talking about fate or destiny or something too big to handle with?
It is too big topics for me, many years living in the small town London Ontario, peacefully and quietly. All I have gone through were tiny-tinny little things around this city. Small group of people, small buildings, small business, small parties, small rivers of rock bed run through it, small dishes and small bottles of beers, and a small holy bible book in my pocket all the time. So my heart was small, capable of thinking out small details of small subjects. And suddenly, so vague I can hardly see things through. Life is funny. It brought me back a feeling of many years ago, when the first time I was in America, a blind, deaf and dump tried to make a fortune but lost in the translation. I am doing this stupid circle of life again.
Well, One thing I can see in today's Beijing, it has everything, materially everything, the market there is so huge, (I don't think there is a word like "huger" other than huge) I lost in a computer hardware mall and a supermarket, and a Future Shop like store, only because the size of them are too huge.
Ever heard a DVD disk contains of 7 DVD movies? Yeah, Seven! Think about it, you got all your favorite movies like "Forrest Gump", "Scent of a woman", "Casablanca", "Sleepless in Seattle", "Dumb and Dumber", "Jerry McGuire", "Start Wars" or "E.T." and all seven of them into one single disk, and it plays so normal by using a new format of DVD player or a MP4 thing. How much the cost? Ignore it, so cheap that nobody never care.
See the hotels in Beijing? Man! Five or six stars, daily rate from $125 US up for the room and $10 US for a cup of fine green tea. McDonald breakfast? You bet, for 12RMB you got a burger, potato brown and coffee (refillable). And want to spin around somewhere of the city? Sure, the cab can take you anywhere from anywhere for a low cost as well, and a picky person asking about the service? Won't disappoint you today, completely international standard.
What? The environment? Too dirty? No blue sky? No rain? No clean water? Terrible traffic? Sucky rude people? Want to go fishing out of town Saturday morning? Hard to meet somebody like me to swap their life stories?
Are you out of your mind? What kind of a fault person you are?!
Gosh I miss Canada.