I don't know what to do, please help

[假农民工]

最初由 Kat 发布
many thanks to those who commented.

i think, the reasons his mum doesn't like me are as below:

1. they are from northern part of China, while i'm from the South. We have many different values.

2. his mum thinks that i'm too short for her son. His son is not tall, but his mum wants to have a tall daughter-in-law so that their future grandson/daughters can have a better height

3. His son thinks that i'm not as pretty and attractive as before, and he prefers to have a forever beauty (at least as long as she can be).

4. his son is kind of a man who likes to control everything and easy to get mad. But i tried to bear his temper, since i hate to argue with him which would just make things worse. However, in his mum's point of view, i should always bear his temper no matter what happens. But, once, i happened to seriously argued with his son in front of his parent once. Actually before i fighted with his son, i knew i should bear, especially his parents are here. but i couldnt' help myself fighting back. since it's much beyond my bear point. This made them very unsatisfied since in thier opnions, i should always bear, bear, and bear (i meant, 'Ren' in Chinese, in case i spelled it wrong).

I think again and again these days regarding our relationship. i could not even sleep at nights. And i recently keep having serious headache due to this reason. i'm really sad since we've been togehter for so many years, but now i can see that many things have changed. I thought i could let go, but in fact it's hard for me to do so.. i sometimes hate myself that much since i'm too 'Ruan Ruo'

Maybe some of you are rite, i should walk out of this relationship and restart my new life.

南方娇小女孩与北方伟岸男人，是很好的搭配，从优生角度讲，双方出生地离的远也是好的。

不要轻言放弃，尤其是婚姻。你们的矛盾是主要是因婆媳关系，而不是你和你的丈夫间有不可调和的矛盾（你在第一帖中说了，当他父母不在这里时，你们关系是不错的）。要知道，天下男人，结了婚基本都差不多，换一个区别也不大。

有种说法是：“婆媳是天敌”。说明婆媳关系绝对是难于处理好的，所以，一般是子女结婚就般离父母家，去过夫妻自己的“小日子”。 你的情况，他父母每年来住半年，你没有埋怨，说明你是很贤惠的女子。

估计你们还没有小孩，所以，婆媳矛盾更突出一些。当你们有小孩之后，婆媳关系就好处一些了。

建议你注意以下几点：
1）很多结了婚的女人，移民加拿大之后，社交圈子小了，也不注意个人打扮和形象了，这很不好。不仅丈夫看着吸引力小了，也对华人整体形象有影响；
2）要让你丈夫重视你，就要你自己多独立。你可以多参加一些活动，比如，多与朋友交流一下，串串门；（可能导致婆婆看你更不顺眼，但别怕，你丈夫比你婆婆重要！）
3）不要一味忍让。和谐和团结有时候是斗争得来的。

 

[假农民工]

最初由 Kat 发布
my parents can't come since they need to take care of my grandmother. Besides, i also believe if they come, it will make things even worse, since my parents must stand by my side and support me. They might fight for me as well. Personally, i dont' want to put my parents into trouble and i dont' want them to worry about me.

dear mou mou, i haven't read that article yet.

现在是结婚后丈夫成“男奴”的时代，也不知道你是怎么混的~~

找找自己的原因吧，呵呵

 

[Peter Pan]

女人可玩而难养。现代男人，吃了伟哥去伺候女人，可是女人还是出墙，主动让其他男人玩弄。

 

[假农民工]

礼崩乐坏。。。那个“口暴女”长的不错。。。还去找“包皮男”。。。看看cfc上不少人劝人家夫妻分离。。。礼崩乐坏了！！！

 

[Peter Pan]

最初由 假农民工 发布
礼崩乐坏。。。那个“口暴女”长的不错。。。还去找“包皮男”。。。看看cfc上不少人劝人家夫妻分离。。。礼崩乐坏了！！！

那个女人挺骚，应该是一碰就出水的那种。找个报批南，真是奇怪，一定是饥渴阿。

 

[假农民工]

最初由 Peter Pan 发布


那个女人挺骚，应该是一碰就出水的那种。找个报批南，真是奇怪，一定是饥渴阿。

色兄会看面相？？看看下面这个女人。。。怎么会是露阴僻呢？

 

[Peter Pan]

最初由 假农民工 发布

色兄会看面相？？看看下面这个女人。。。怎么会是露阴僻呢？

那个阴不一定是这个女人的，这只是碰巧的一张参观者的照片吧？

这个女人水不会多，看这样的展览还带瓶水。本草纲目记载：上口渴而下口亦干涸。

 

[No_Yes]

最初由 Kat 发布
many thanks to those who commented.

i think, the reasons his mum doesn't like me are as below:

1. they are from northern part of China, while i'm from the South. We have many different values.

2. his mum thinks that i'm too short for her son. His son is not tall, but his mum wants to have a tall daughter-in-law so that their future grandson/daughters can have a better height

3. His son thinks that i'm not as pretty and attractive as before, and he prefers to have a forever beauty (at least as long as she can be).

4. his son is kind of a man who likes to control everything and easy to get mad. But i tried to bear his temper, since i hate to argue with him which would just make things worse. However, in his mum's point of view, i should always bear his temper no matter what happens. But, once, i happened to seriously argued with his son in front of his parent once. Actually before i fighted with his son, i knew i should bear, especially his parents are here. but i couldnt' help myself fighting back. since it's much beyond my bear point. This made them very unsatisfied since in thier opnions, i should always bear, bear, and bear (i meant, 'Ren' in Chinese, in case i spelled it wrong).

I think again and again these days regarding our relationship. i could not even sleep at nights. And i recently keep having serious headache due to this reason. i'm really sad since we've been togehter for so many years, but now i can see that many things have changed. I thought i could let go, but in fact it's hard for me to do so.. i sometimes hate myself that much since i'm too 'Ruan Ruo'

Maybe some of you are rite, i should walk out of this relationship and restart my new life.

Come on! It's not funny at all. I worrying about you. Please don't be"Ruanruo" and don't bear any living conditions that you cannot get basic understanding,respect and love from. What's your point living in that? Canada is a democratic country. you have your own rights as a woman. if your BF/husband did any" jia ting bao li", you could bear once or twice. if that happened again and again, you got to protect yourself or call the police. I think you should go outside to take some freshair and think about the best solutions. If you have any problems, contact us at this web. my pleasure to help you !!

 

[农夫]

据说东北人的大男子主义比较厉害一点，不一定是你的丈夫对你有什么看法。夫妻关系的维系，沟通很重要。如果你有觉得委屈的地方，一定要和丈夫沟通。另一方面，沟通的方法也很重要。建议你在公婆不在的时候，和丈夫一切参加一些有关婚姻辅导的课程。

 

[dropinto]

headache,还是一了百了吧

 

[bulaoniu]

最初由 Kat 发布
my parents can't come since they need to take care of my grandmother. Besides, i also believe if they come, it will make things even worse, since my parents must stand by my side and support me. They might fight for me as well. Personally, i dont' want to put my parents into trouble and i dont' want them to worry about me.

dear mou mou, i haven't read that article yet.

Reading your reply, I believe that you have a good judgement. Indeed, I cannot help to feel angary at those people who suggested to ask the men who he would save first, or bring your parents here too. Use your good judgement to deal with this -- if there is love between you and him, it is not impossible to solve the plight.

 

[如假包换的马甲]

Don't let you emotional problems ruin your health. it's not worth it. you only have one life to live. Everybody is equal as human. Why should you Ren? why can't they Ren? Ren in chinese is a knife on top of a heart.

there are maybe help and programs from the both the city and federal government for women in your situation. I believe they are abusing you mentally.

 

[gdntfrank]

最初由 bulaoniu 发布


Reading your reply, I believe that you have a good judgement. Indeed, I cannot help to feel angary at those people who suggested to ask the men who he would save first, or bring your parents here too. Use your good judgement to deal with this -- if there is love between you and him, it is not impossible to solve the plight.

你结婚了么?世上从来没有不对等的爱.爱要靠实力争取.婚姻其实是一场终生的赛跑.一方落后,都无法继续.退路是不存在的.妥协只有使天平更加倾斜.
我建议她的父母来,不是让双方父母同时来吵架的.反正男方的父母就来半年,空半年可以让女方父母来.也让那男的设身处地地尝尝LZ的辛苦.没什么不好.
你的义愤没什么道理.大家都是在帮忙,没人在看热闹.观点不同而已.

 

[moody]

The title of your post is "I don't know what to do ...", but I think you already know what you should do, but you just need more courage to do so.

Before you leave him, for your own goodness, you should try your best once more to save your relationship. Good communication is the base of good relationship. Try to talk to him whenever you feel ignored and isolated. Maybe you should not speak at the moment, but you must say it before the end of the day. Tell him your feeling, ask him the reason he/they do so. Tell him you demand (for example, the whole family should walk together after dinner EVERYDAY instead of leaving you alone at home). If there are no change, don't hesitate to leave. No matter how long you have been with each other, there are still tens years ahead. Would you like to live in such life every day?

Don't make any big change in current relationship, such as inviting your parents, having a baby, it will make things even worse. If he cares about you (or love you), he should be nice to you every day, no matter if his parents are here or not.

if you can't speak with him about your feelings (for example communcations will always lead to fights), I think it maybe to late for you to save the relationship. Just leave, don't let yourself being hurt anymore.

Be independent, be strong. You can only get the strengh from yourself. Good luck.

 

[PQPQ]

离了婚后，你就是secondhand 还好是 one owner
再找一个是不是比这个好？
这是个问题