嫁给老外以后,我觉得累了

MyHenry

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嫁给老外以后,我觉得累了,怎么办?

国内很多朋友和亲戚及外人觉得我很幸福很幸运,可是我却感觉很沉重,很牵强,活得很累,我知道这不是我想要的生活,可是这究竟是谁的错呢,我真不知道该怎么办。和国内的亲戚朋友说这些是不可能了,也许只能和你们说说。不知道有没有人和我有相同的感受。我来国外半年了,在这之前,我是一个自负的外语系女生,有一个相处三年的英国男朋友,后来他做了我的老公,我随他来到了国外,现在在读研,也在一家英国公司做着不错的兼职,基本情况就是这样,看起来很漂亮,是吧?在外人眼里,我确实是混得不错。尽管在我们结婚之前,有嫉妒的也好,说风凉话的也好,现在都一致觉得结果令他们满意。但坦白的说,我真的感觉不快乐,不再快乐。

我对天发誓,我曾经真心地深深地爱过这个英国男人,我曾不图结果地天真地纯粹地爱过他,我绝无一分一秒想过要他带我出国的想法。我是个生性浪漫,喜爱自由,充满了好奇心的人,我们的恋爱就像所有真心的跨国恋情一样浪漫,美丽过,我也曾不顾一切地同我的家人朋友奋争过,让他们接受他。只是,自从我上大四下半学期开始实习以后,我忽然觉得自己不那么爱他了。不是因为我厌倦了,只是某一部分的我觉醒了,发展了,而他还在原地打转。我们相恋的头两年,我还是个很单纯的学生,生活里只有他,我也没想过自己想要什么样的生活。可是开始工作后,我发现我们是如此不同的两个人。我事业心非常强,喜欢工作带来的满足感,可是我稍一回家晚了他就不满,他对事业成功不感兴趣,只在乎能不能轻松的享受家庭生活,我们这方面没有共同话题。我极不欣赏他这点,可我也没有办法。我是个非常活跃的人,喜欢周末和朋友聚会之类的,但他只喜欢两个人在家楼搂抱抱,看看dvd,讨厌聚会,从没有别的娱乐内容,所以他从不陪我出去,同时反对我出去。我们越来越没有共同话题,我没有什么好指责他的,他还是那个他,只是我们想要的生活是如此不同。如果是段平常的恋爱,我可能会考虑分手了,毕竟两个人不合适,可是这个时候我家人却满怀期待地开始准备我们的婚礼了,说这快三年的时间别人都看着呢,毕业就结婚吧。我母亲在我们刚开始交往时就说了,接受他可以,但可别被人家玩了再回来让家人丢人现眼。我没办法让我家人失望,没办法让那些说风凉话的人看笑话,尽管我没做错什么,我知道我却得为我的选择买单了。就这样,我们结了婚,尽管我们充满了矛盾。他还是一样爱我,我想我也是爱他的,他生病我比谁都心疼,只是我无法忍受再与他一起生活,可是既然结了婚,我还是努力使事情好转。他让我早下半我就早下班。他不让我出去我就少出去。可是我心里非常不快乐。我还年轻,我不想永远这样勉强自己,为了让别人高兴。他想回国,我马上同意了,因为我想逃离国内熟悉的人群,至少在这里我会轻松一点,不要总考虑会不会让他们失望。我好想为自己生活,尊重自己的感受。这也是为什么我不同意要孩子的原因,因为我对自己的生活没把握,我不想以后让孩子来为我的选择而为难。他知道我的感受,但他不知道我已经如此压抑,绝望,他还爱我,所以我为自己想离婚的想法感到内疚,可是我本来就不想结婚的,到底是谁的错。我们谈过很多次了,他就这个样子,改变不了。我很痛苦。国内的家人不知道他们给我的压力,还觉得我很幸福。我只是想为自己而活,找个和我志同道合的爱人。我真累。难道是我想要的太多了?

虽然这里是人家的地盘,可是我不害怕分手,我很独立,工作学业都很顺利。但是我烦恼的是,我的家人能不能接受,虽然我在国外,可刚结婚不到一年就离婚别人会怎么说。还有,他还爱我,我也爱着他,只是因为彼此想要的生活太不一致了,到底该不该现在就考虑分开?我怕伤害他……
 
I don't know how many Chinese girls can read this article. But be awake, my sisters. The value in your eyes is different from that in the eyes of western people. They don't expect anything from you before marriage. That's why you feel so free and romantic, and foolishly happy. Once you are married, they expect you to be a wife, a mother. But most of you still think of your freedom and career. The responsibility of wife is to clean the house, cook, gardening and taking good care of your husband. The responsibility of mother is to bring up kids. You have to sacrifice your freedom, your career and your "dignity". The husband can and may be helpful, but the wife always show appreciation for his HELP. Those things are not supposed for the husband. I read another article written by a western young guy. He called the Chinese girl "very silly and naive". I can translate this as "foolish" as western people don't say foolish too often.

The young generation in China lost all the traditional merits. What a big pity and danger. Chinese girls should be awake and mature. You girls should be responsible and be prepared for sacrifice. There is no such things called "double-win". Chinese girls won't be happy if they have not realized the culter difference before they marry to a western man. Chinese men won't have any big acheivements in China and in the world without the support and sacrifice of their Chinese women. How do you expect a world-class achievement from a Chinese man if you want him to think what to cook for dinner every day?! Chinese ladies, please help your men to save your country. Your sacrifice will be remembered and appreciated. Nobody is going to look down on you. Be smart and mature......
 
嫁给一个人当妻子和妈妈,与嫁给一个人去支持他建功立业,与嫁给一个人让他为国争光,与以前被卖给大户人家的小女孩,这四个东西之间有什么不同吗?
为什么楼主至今还把女人当作一种特殊动物的名字,而不是人类的一种呢?

中国女权运动太快太彻底,导致现在两极分化。一方面中国女性的思想比世界妇女平均数要先进,另一方面有些人拼命想把瓢压下去,显出葫芦高。
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为什么有些中国女孩子拼命想嫁外国人呢?还不是因为中国男权社会,就是整个社会形态,认为外国就是好的。
比如主坛,至少有3-5个常驻id专事“黑华”,里面有一个女人吗?
这种气氛下,年轻人想去外企,大学生想要出国,白领想移民,征婚版那么多废物登的商婚广告还有人应征。
当然现在西方比较好,发达国家嘛。但不是什么都好,比如人种就没优劣,只有不同点。要说人种优劣,匈奴人、突厥人当年也算先锋人种,照样被赶到欧洲了。人有高矮的差别,打起仗来却没不同。现在中西方不同点很多,但是这些不同点造成的国家优劣还很难说。
那么是谁灌输给中国人民“西方什么都好呢”?是谁呢?还不是这些自诩的文化精英,上网黑华不分昼夜,好的不好的都要黑。连别人响应他们号召崇洋媚外都是中国教育不利、传统文化流失。
黑走了中国人才、中国青年、中国资金,他们无所谓,和他们没关系嘛。黑走中国女人就急了,因为和他们息息相关。
这么狭隘的一群人,占据主流论坛被称为“精英”,和愤青相对。女人要嫁谁呢?精英们今天拿国家名誉当垫脚石,明天还打算拿老婆当垫脚石,什么“为国牺牲、煮饭烧菜”(楼主原话)。去死吧!
 
个人觉的只要自己开心就好了,没有谁伤害谁了谁,人不为己,天诛地灭.应该自己选择自己的生活方式,与其或者为了别人,为什么不为自己活一次呢,别人怎么想,是别人的事情,你不能改变,但你起码可以让自己真正主宰自己一次.选择你自己的方式,没有什么不对的.
同情
 
我怎么觉得有点无病呻吟阿?
 
这样的结果不是你早就预料到的吗? 结婚前已经知道那么的不合适, 还要为了别人的眼光而结婚. 所以不能怨任何人, 只能怪自己.
 
Re: Re: 嫁给老外以后,我觉得累了

最初由 MyHenry 发布
I don't know how many Chinese girls can read this article. But be awake, my sisters. The value in your eyes is different from that in the eyes of western people. They don't expect anything from you before marriage. That's why you feel so free and romantic, and foolishly happy. Once you are married, they expect you to be a wife, a mother. But most of you still think of your freedom and career. The responsibility of wife is to clean the house, cook, gardening and taking good care of your husband. The responsibility of mother is to bring up kids. You have to sacrifice your freedom, your career and your "dignity". The husband can and may be helpful, but the wife always show appreciation for his HELP. Those things are not supposed for the husband. I read another article written by a western young guy. He called the Chinese girl "very silly and naive". I can translate this as "foolish" as western people don't say foolish too often.

The young generation in China lost all the traditional merits. What a big pity and danger. Chinese girls should be awake and mature. You girls should be responsible and be prepared for sacrifice. There is no such things called "double-win". Chinese girls won't be happy if they have not realized the culter difference before they marry to a western man. Chinese men won't have any big acheivements in China and in the world without the support and sacrifice of their Chinese women. How do you expect a world-class achievement from a Chinese man if you want him to think what to cook for dinner every day?! Chinese ladies, please help your men to save your country. Your sacrifice will be remembered and appreciated. Nobody is going to look down on you. Be smart and mature......

其实不能那么绝对,这要看人. 我的老板对他老婆(中国女生)特别特别好, 不管是婚前婚后. 他们现在已经结婚10年了. 我的老板还坚持每个星期送他老婆一束花, 经常想不同的方法给他老婆制造惊喜, 她的老婆也有自己的事业,但我老板从来没要求过她要在家做饭伺候他, 也没要求她放弃自己的工作.
 
习惯和文化都不一样, 难免也会有障碍,还不如找个适合自己的中国人想法一样,这样家庭也好沟通,自己和他过下半辈子也会开心 right right?? my personal opinion
 
最初由 Beatiful Love 发布
这样的结果不是你早就预料到的吗? 结婚前已经知道那么的不合适, 还要为了别人的眼光而结婚. 所以不能怨任何人, 只能怪自己.

Sorry. I forgot to mention that this is an article I copied from other places. This is not my story.

See my comments on this story above.
 
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