CFC最新公司形象宣传页

  • 主题发起人 主题发起人 Riven
  • 开始时间 开始时间

文法错误不多,但多处用法不太地道。第二段尤其成问题。

对写这段文章的小同学说:写这样的说明文最好用短句,切忌句子过长。rule of thumb,如果你觉得有必要使用分号,那就要尽量把句子断成两句甚至三句。不是句子越长越好,要考虑普通人读书的节奏。太长的句子常常让人感觉喘不过气来。有木有?

还有这种宣传性的东西应该写得更个性化一些,比如用第二人称代替第三人称更能拉近距离。

最后就是应该尽量使用bullet point,简单清楚,用不着用first of all, secondly, last but not least这种承上启下的词。因为所有人的时间都十分有限,通常的attention span大约只有90秒到两分钟。这些不必要的词显然会拖长时间,而且一长段话又是让人看得累,远不如bullet point有效。

下面是部分改写的。时间有限不能更多润色了。给多少刀面包你自己看着办吧。

Founded in July 2000, Comefromchina.com(CFC) is THE most popular web service provider in the Nation's Capital region. It serves the largest number of registered users and attracts the highest volume of daily visits among all Chinese websites in the region. CFC owns and operates four business units — namely CFC forum, CFC Yellow Page, CFC encyclopedia, and CFC social network (comefromchina.net). CFC provides comprehensive online services, including news, community forum, business advertising, Yellow Page, and community event planning, to nearly 100,000 registered users, 1000 businesses, thousands of international students and new immigrants coming from China.

CFC online advertising has long been recognized by many local advertisers with respect to its wide coverage, highly efficient in marketing communication as well as the most effective in reaching target customers. In short, it offers the best “value-for-money” services for advertisers. First of all, as the most well-known Chinese website, CFC has been the primary information source for the majority of Chinese users in the Capital Region for almost a decade. In addition,CFC tailors its information services and offers interactive function to address needs of a variety of users through its four business units. As such, businesses can select CFC advertising channels to effectively approach potential customers based on targeting market demand and maximizing ROI. Last but not least, CFC web advertising has an advantage of offering 24/7 services 365 days per year.

With respect to its wide coverage, CFC online advertising has long been recognized by many local businesses as being highly effective in areas such as marketing communications and reaching target customers. CFC can help local businesses to build a stronger revenue base in 3 different ways:

1. As the best known Chinese website, CFC has been the primary source of information for a significant portion of Chinese users in the Nation's Capital Region for over a decade.

2. CFC tailors its information services and interactive function to address the business demands for a variety of users through its four business units. As such, businesses can select CFC advertising channels to effectively approach potential customers based on targeted market demand, hence maximizing return on investment.

3. As an online service provider, CFC web advertising is committed to operate on a high availability basis, offering 24/7 services, 365 days of the year.

In short CFC web advertising service delivers the highest "bang for your buck". For more than ten years, CFC has been growing with many advertisers and businesses by collaborating, interacting, and offering win-win solutions with them. CFC is firmly committed to bridge your business from start to success.
 
罚款1万.

不用自己罚了,3万有点超过我的期望值,2万就好了。;)

你如果是要罚我说真心话的款,你就用现在这个菜单,千万别改。。。我倒你个去的。。。:p
 
文字俺不懂,图片谁做的?:blowzy: 咋像四海一家的帐单夹呢?:blowzy: 靠,还有插信用卡的地方。:D能不能再请小鸭给弄得精致点?倒倒角什么的? 加点曲线?你介个有点像奔驰车的外形,平板中带点骨感,能不能往老魏家的奥迪上靠靠?:)

:dx::dx::dx:
 
文法错误不多,但多处用法不太地道。第二段尤其成问题。

对写这段文章的小同学说:写这样的说明文最好用短句,切忌句子过长。rule of thumb,如果你觉得有必要使用分号,那就要尽量把句子断成两句甚至三句。不是句子越长越好,要考虑普通人读书的节奏。太长的句子常常让人感觉喘不过气来。有木有?

还有这种宣传性的东西应该写得更个性化一些,比如用第二人称代替第三人称更能拉近距离。

最后就是应该尽量使用bullet point,简单清楚,用不着用first of all, secondly, last but not least这种承上启下的词。因为所有人的时间都十分有限,通常的attention span大约只有90秒到两分钟。这些不必要的词显然会拖长时间,而且一长段话又是让人看得累,远不如bullet point有效。

下面是部分改写的。时间有限不能更多润色了。给多少刀面包你自己看着办吧。

Founded in July 2000, Comefromchina.com(CFC) is THE most popular web service provider in the Nation's Capital region. It serves the largest number of registered users and attracts the highest volume of daily visits among all Chinese websites in the region. CFC owns and operates four business units — namely CFC forum, CFC Yellow Page, CFC encyclopedia, and CFC social network (comefromchina.net). CFC provides comprehensive online services, including news, community forum, business advertising, Yellow Page, and community event planning, to nearly 100,000 registered users, 1000 businesses, thousands of international students and new immigrants coming from China.

CFC online advertising has long been recognized by many local advertisers with respect to its wide coverage, highly efficient in marketing communication as well as the most effective in reaching target customers. In short, it offers the best “value-for-money” services for advertisers. First of all, as the most well-known Chinese website, CFC has been the primary information source for the majority of Chinese users in the Capital Region for almost a decade. In addition,CFC tailors its information services and offers interactive function to address needs of a variety of users through its four business units. As such, businesses can select CFC advertising channels to effectively approach potential customers based on targeting market demand and maximizing ROI. Last but not least, CFC web advertising has an advantage of offering 24/7 services 365 days per year.

With respect to its wide coverage, CFC online advertising has long been recognizedby many local businesses as being highly effective in areas such as marketing communications and reaching target customers. CFC can help local businesses to build a stronger revenue base in 3 different ways:

1. As the best known Chinese website, CFC has been the primary source of information for a significant portion of Chinese users in the Nation's Capital Region for over a decade.

2. CFC tailors its information services and interactive function to address the business demands for a variety of users through its four business units. As such, businesses can select CFC advertising channels to effectively approach potential customers based on targeted market demand, hence maximizing return on investment.

3. As an online service provider, CFC web advertising is committed to operate on a high availability basis, offering 24/7 services, 365 days of the year.

In short CFC web advertising service delivers the highest "bang for your buck". For more than ten years, CFC has been growing with many advertisers and businesses by collaborating, interacting, and offering win-win solutions with them. CFC is firmly committed to bridge your business from start to success.

哇!英语真好!这个 with respect to 我都不会这么用!
 
随便扫了扫,没都看完,最后一句觉得有问题
"bridge your business from start to success"

你要是加引号google这个句子,没有result.

说明老外不这么用,另外你想想,从逻辑上来说,如果bridge A from B to C,那么这桥到底是在AC之间,还是BC之间?

“CFC中文网是您通向成功的桥梁。“ 这句中文当地怎么翻译好呢?

如果google "bridge your business to success",勉强有一个结果,看来不是普遍的用法。

去掉引号之后,可以搜索出68million个结果,前面几个是比较顺的。

比如:

Your Bridge to Success

Bridges to Success in Business

Building Your Business Bridge

Bridge the Gap to your Success

所以我觉得翻译成 CFC helps building your bridge to success可能比较符合习惯,抛砖引玉,还请大家指正。
 
还是这个办法,来看双赢的翻译,

win-win solution是没错,可以offer ... with这个介词似乎不顺。如果是offer的话,应该用to比较舒服吧,但是因为前面两个动名词都要接with them,所以也不能光为了offer来改介词,怎么办?

google来帮忙

带引号搜索:"build win-win solutions",结果35400


"offer win-win solutions" 21700,两个结果说明两个动词都可以用,不过,building ... with就比较合适了,同一个介词可以呼应前面三个动词,何乐而不为?
 
文中数字皆用半角,唯独 2000年7月 用了全角,可以改,字体可是乔布斯的老本啊。老大,你要是帮主的粉丝,不能不严格要求自己。
 
New logo
Capture.JPG

http://www.comefromchina.com/aboutus
 
文中数字皆用半角,唯独 2000年7月 用了全角,可以改,字体可是乔布斯的老本啊。老大,你要是帮主的粉丝,不能不严格要求自己。

:cool::cool:
 
文字还没看,图片怎么看着象护照夹或者厚皮本的封面,是不是太庄重了?
 
觉得这 LOGO 光是中国地图单调了些 :)

1. 可以这样: 后面远方上中国地图,前方上加拿大地图,中间加上两个地图的 morphing 过程在配上文字:CFC中文网

2. canada.ottawa 觉得换成 ottawa canada 就好了, 或者直接用 ottawa :D
 
觉得这 LOGO 光是中国地图单调了些 :)

1. 可以这样: 后面远方上中国地图,前方上加拿大地图,中间加上两个地图的 morphing 过程在配上文字:CFC中文网

2. canada.ottawa 觉得换成 ottawa canada 就好了, 或者直接用 ottawa :D


这么复杂, 还叫logo么?
 
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