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http://www.ottawacitizen.com/sports/Life+quick+tempo/2335624/story.html
Tony and Mimi Li are promising musicians who are bent on being the best. Their world has been structured around a staggering schedule that even eats into their lunch hours at school. At the centre of it all? Mom and family maestro, Xinghon Jin
By Louisa Taylor, The Ottawa CitizenDecember 13, 2009
Eleven-year-old Tony and seven-year-old Mimi are promising musicians who also participate in a slew of other activities; some days, their mother second-guesses all of the activity: 'Every day, I ask myself, "Am I doing this right?"
Photograph by: Wayne Cuddington, The Ottawa Citizen
It's lunchtime in the junior school at Ashbury College, but Anthony Li isn't in the dining hall, talking catapults and smart phones with his buddies. He's cheerfully scarfing down dumplings in his mother's silver minivan, which is parked in front of the school.
When he's done, 11-year-old Tony and his mother, Xinghon Jin, head into the private school's oak-panelled chapel. Tony positions a music stand in front of the empty pews, and practises violin for 30 minutes. Sing -- as everyone calls his mother -- takes a seat at the front and follows intently with her own sheet music, jumping up occasionally to correct this note or that phrasing.
Tony is a study in concentration, his attention on the Bach concerto broken only by brief exchanges between mother and son over exactly what his violin teacher meant with this instruction or that.
Why does Tony skip lunch twice a week to practise violin? The same reason his seven-year-old sister Melanie (Mimi) misses lunch at her public school three times a week. The same reason they each have four music lessons a week along with a slew of other activities from gymnastics to Mandarin class, and rarely have time for playdates or birthday parties: because their parents are determined to give their children every opportunity.
The violin is particularly time-consuming because Tony and Mimi want to be the best violin players for their age in Canada. They've heard that the top performers practise four hours a day, something they can't manage without missing school. The lunch-hour practices are the compromise.
Tony and Mimi's parents insist they don't dream of their children becoming prodigies at Carnegie Hall, like some "weird music genius," says Sing's husband, Ming Li. "We want them to be good at something but not just one thing, and we think music and sports are good for their development. It gives them confidence and a good work ethic."
Sing and Ming have two smart kids who pull in excellent marks at school, and a family life structured around a rich-but-crowded schedule of activities. Still, they often second-guess their choices, especially Sing, who is on the run 15 hours a day to keep this life going. Do all of the extras add up to important gains, or to loss -- of something less tangible, such as childhood, or family time, or their own well-being?
"Every day, I ask myself, 'Am I doing this right?' " says Sing. "I want to be a normal family, but I also want my kids to excel and our family to excel, and that means compromise."
---
Born in China, Sing and Ming came to Ottawa in 1992 as graduate students. They decided to make a home here, and worked as a team to build several businesses, including a gift shop and a couple of websites. Ming, a psychologist with the heart of an entrepreneur, handles the online businesses and does the administrative work for their main enterprise, the Ottawa Rhythmic Gymnastics Club.
Sing was a rhythmic gymnast in university, and now she and her staff of 11 coaches train 110 athletes, many at the provincial and national level. Petite and vivacious, Sing dreams of having enough money to run their own facility, but for now, the club rents gyms near their New Edinburgh home for 26 hours of training on evenings and weekends.
As Tony heads to his Grade 6 class, Sing hops back in the minivan to run errands. She mails a package, reports a maintenance problem at one of the gyms, then makes a quick run to Rideau Street. She needs to clear some inventory out of their gift shop, which they recently closed.
Along the way the van groans. Sing shakes her head.
"Keeping the car going is Ming's job!" she says with a laugh. "I just say, 'You've got to fix it -- I have no time!' "
The math of their week runs constantly in her head: Two parents working full time with unorthodox hours, plus two kids in school, plus 28 hours of music lessons and practice between them, plus Mimi's 12 hours of rhythmic gymnastics, plus 90 minutes with a French tutor, plus 31/2 hours of Mandarin school on Saturdays, followed by 45 minutes each with a piano teacher, plus an hour on Sundays for swimming lessons and free swim. Tony also delivers a local paper once a week, and tutors a young Russian immigrant who needs help with English.
There's a family calendar in the kitchen, but it doesn't get much use -- "it's all in here," Sing smiles, tapping her temple. She's the one dashing back and forth to school and music lessons and the gym, while Ming provides the calm anchor at home, helping with homework, cooking and playing the occasional game of tag in the living room.
Back at home by 1:45 p.m., Sing works quickly at her desk in the kitchen. She returns e-mails and phone calls from her gymnasts, prepares entry forms and routines for competitions and consults Ming, who edits much of the music for the girls.
A yellowed card is taped to a shelf above her. It came with a bouquet from the mother of one of her athletes, who wrote: "My dear friend Sing -- Just a reminder to stop and smell the roses. Also take some 'me' time." It goes unnoticed as Sing grabs a quick lunch around 2:30 and gets back in the minivan. She has to pick up Mimi from school at 3 p.m. and shuttle her to a violin lesson.
Growing up during China's Cultural Revolution, Sing says in elementary school she spent half of the day in class, the other half playing or studying. Ming dreamed of learning the violin, but never got the chance. As parents, they want more for their kids.
"Kids are like Play-Doh," says Sing. "You may think your child has no talent, but I think it's about the parents. What are you doing to nurture their interests? I see kids at gymnastics whose parents are not committed, and I know they won't last long."
---
It's 3:20 p.m. in a brightly lit studio at Tutti Muzik on St. Laurent Boulevard. Mimi is standing with her right leg planted behind her and slightly to the side, violin tucked between her chin and her left shoulder. The fingers of her right hand are curled delicately over the bottom of the bow, pinkie slightly raised.
She stares intently at the music in front of her, the first movement of a Vivaldi concerto, although she already has it memorized. Her teacher, Olena Vyhovska, says Mimi is a quick study with a gift for performance. When Mimi describes performing in front of hundreds of people last summer, her pigtails dance and her eyes light up.
Standing beside her young pupil, Olena plays a phrase on her own violin every now and then to demonstrate. Behind them, Sing writes notes on her sheet music and videotapes parts of the lesson. She tapes during every lesson, so the kids can reference the teacher's instructions at home later.
"This is good -- but you can make it cleaner, nicer," says Olena. "Crescendo! Softer!"
Mimi has four lessons a week with Olena and her husband, Serhii Vyhovskyi, former concert musicians and music professors trained in the exacting standards of the conservatories of the former Soviet Union. Serhii also teaches Tony four times a week. Each hour-long lesson is $51, each half-hour is $25.
"Other children may be more talented, but not many are so hard-working and have so much involvement from their parents," says Olena. Tony and Mimi "cannot do any more" than what they are doing, she adds. But Sing says Serhii urges her to increase their lessons and practice time, which sends Sing back to her mental calendar. "When?" she asks herself.
Tony is a gifted student, winner of multiple school prizes every year. Two years ago, he came second in the national finals of the Canada Music Competition. Last year, he missed the finals by a tiny margin -- a devastating lesson on winning and losing. "This year, I want to win," he says.
The children rarely complain about the time they devote to music, says Sing. "They complain about other things," like going to Mandarin school.
One of the first things Tony did when he got an iPod touch for his birthday recently -- after playing a game -- was download videos of musicians playing the same Handel sonata he's learning for this year's competition in the spring. His idea of heaven, he told his mother, was to be on a beach with a good book, a bowl of chips and his music.
---
It's almost 8 p.m., and Tony is eating in the minivan again. After Mimi's lesson, Sing picked up Tony at school. By 3:45, everyone was home. Sing buzzed around clearing out lunchboxes and reading notes from school while Ming fed the kids a snack and put them down for 30-minute naps. They will be up late, and it's the only way to get enough sleep in a day.
At 5 p.m., Mimi went to gymnastics with Sing, while Tony stayed home to do homework and play his violin. He was a bit slow to get to his dinner. When Sing returned from the gym to drop off Mimi and pick up Tony for his violin lesson, she found him balancing a plate in one hand while getting his shoes on with the other.
Ming knows people might think the children are being treated like robots programmed to move from one task to the next. He points out that Tony and Mimi have play time -- they ride their bikes, they build playhouses under the grand piano, they play with their latest toy obsession, Bakugan -- just not as much as other kids might.
But Sing regrets that she's never held a birthday party for her children -- no time, she says. And while Tony and Mimi have lots of friends, it's not often they come over to play.
When they do, Sing frets about the state of the house. Every surface in the living room except the piano is piled high with toys and sheet music, books and more toys. A track for racing cars takes up most of the floor space in front of the fireplace.
"It's funny," Sing says with a sigh. "I used to be crazy about keeping things tidy."
---
It's just past 10 p.m., and Tony and Mimi are heading to bed. Sing has checked their Mandarin homework, they've practised violin some more and Mimi has had a bath. Late at night is when the family finally relaxes, cuddling up to catch up on each other's news.
After the kids go to sleep, Ming works into the wee hours doing business in other time zones. Sing tidies a bit and watches the late news before falling into her own deep sleep. She says she rarely wakes up in the night worrying, but when she does, it's not about her kids.
"I know they're healthy, they're growing well. What worries me is time -- when will I find the time for everything?"
The Li family gives itself one big holiday a year -- a month with relatives in China. It's a true break and they savour it -- no lessons and no gymnastics.
But back at home, Sing can't remember the last time she went for coffee with a friend, or a movie with Ming. During Thanksgiving weekend, a good friend called to invite the family for a visit. They hadn't seen each other since the summer. Sing hesitated.
"Don't think, just come," urged the friend. "We miss you."
They didn't go.
Sing gets quieter and quieter as she tells the anecdote. Then she brightens.
"In the end, the kids had a really good practice, and then we picked apples for an hour," she says. "So it was good."
---
LESSONS + INSTRUMENTS + ACCOMPANISTS - FAMILY MEALS - a little sanity = THE PRICE OF EXCELLENCE
A year in the life of the Lis? $20,000 in music expenses
Here's what the Lis have shared in terms of spending:
They spent about $20,000 a year on music. This includes violin and piano lessons, travel to competitions, a piano accompanist, new violin every year- and-a-half. Lessons are $51 per hour, $25 for half an hour.
Mimi's violin cost around $500, Tony's around $1,500, but both need better, more powerful instruments.
In addition, 10 months of the year they incur the following expenses: Private swim class once a week: $40 for one hour, both kids.
French tutor: $45 for one 90-minute session each week, 45 minutes per child.
Mandarin and math class: $300 a year for each child, 3.5 hours a week.
---
At ottawacitizen.com/
Tony and Mimi Li are promising musicians who are bent on being the best. Their world has been structured around a staggering schedule that even eats into their lunch hours at school. At the centre of it all? Mom and family maestro, Xinghon Jin
By Louisa Taylor, The Ottawa CitizenDecember 13, 2009
Eleven-year-old Tony and seven-year-old Mimi are promising musicians who also participate in a slew of other activities; some days, their mother second-guesses all of the activity: 'Every day, I ask myself, "Am I doing this right?"
Photograph by: Wayne Cuddington, The Ottawa Citizen
It's lunchtime in the junior school at Ashbury College, but Anthony Li isn't in the dining hall, talking catapults and smart phones with his buddies. He's cheerfully scarfing down dumplings in his mother's silver minivan, which is parked in front of the school.
When he's done, 11-year-old Tony and his mother, Xinghon Jin, head into the private school's oak-panelled chapel. Tony positions a music stand in front of the empty pews, and practises violin for 30 minutes. Sing -- as everyone calls his mother -- takes a seat at the front and follows intently with her own sheet music, jumping up occasionally to correct this note or that phrasing.
Tony is a study in concentration, his attention on the Bach concerto broken only by brief exchanges between mother and son over exactly what his violin teacher meant with this instruction or that.
Why does Tony skip lunch twice a week to practise violin? The same reason his seven-year-old sister Melanie (Mimi) misses lunch at her public school three times a week. The same reason they each have four music lessons a week along with a slew of other activities from gymnastics to Mandarin class, and rarely have time for playdates or birthday parties: because their parents are determined to give their children every opportunity.
The violin is particularly time-consuming because Tony and Mimi want to be the best violin players for their age in Canada. They've heard that the top performers practise four hours a day, something they can't manage without missing school. The lunch-hour practices are the compromise.
Tony and Mimi's parents insist they don't dream of their children becoming prodigies at Carnegie Hall, like some "weird music genius," says Sing's husband, Ming Li. "We want them to be good at something but not just one thing, and we think music and sports are good for their development. It gives them confidence and a good work ethic."
Sing and Ming have two smart kids who pull in excellent marks at school, and a family life structured around a rich-but-crowded schedule of activities. Still, they often second-guess their choices, especially Sing, who is on the run 15 hours a day to keep this life going. Do all of the extras add up to important gains, or to loss -- of something less tangible, such as childhood, or family time, or their own well-being?
"Every day, I ask myself, 'Am I doing this right?' " says Sing. "I want to be a normal family, but I also want my kids to excel and our family to excel, and that means compromise."
---
Born in China, Sing and Ming came to Ottawa in 1992 as graduate students. They decided to make a home here, and worked as a team to build several businesses, including a gift shop and a couple of websites. Ming, a psychologist with the heart of an entrepreneur, handles the online businesses and does the administrative work for their main enterprise, the Ottawa Rhythmic Gymnastics Club.
Sing was a rhythmic gymnast in university, and now she and her staff of 11 coaches train 110 athletes, many at the provincial and national level. Petite and vivacious, Sing dreams of having enough money to run their own facility, but for now, the club rents gyms near their New Edinburgh home for 26 hours of training on evenings and weekends.
As Tony heads to his Grade 6 class, Sing hops back in the minivan to run errands. She mails a package, reports a maintenance problem at one of the gyms, then makes a quick run to Rideau Street. She needs to clear some inventory out of their gift shop, which they recently closed.
Along the way the van groans. Sing shakes her head.
"Keeping the car going is Ming's job!" she says with a laugh. "I just say, 'You've got to fix it -- I have no time!' "
The math of their week runs constantly in her head: Two parents working full time with unorthodox hours, plus two kids in school, plus 28 hours of music lessons and practice between them, plus Mimi's 12 hours of rhythmic gymnastics, plus 90 minutes with a French tutor, plus 31/2 hours of Mandarin school on Saturdays, followed by 45 minutes each with a piano teacher, plus an hour on Sundays for swimming lessons and free swim. Tony also delivers a local paper once a week, and tutors a young Russian immigrant who needs help with English.
There's a family calendar in the kitchen, but it doesn't get much use -- "it's all in here," Sing smiles, tapping her temple. She's the one dashing back and forth to school and music lessons and the gym, while Ming provides the calm anchor at home, helping with homework, cooking and playing the occasional game of tag in the living room.
Back at home by 1:45 p.m., Sing works quickly at her desk in the kitchen. She returns e-mails and phone calls from her gymnasts, prepares entry forms and routines for competitions and consults Ming, who edits much of the music for the girls.
A yellowed card is taped to a shelf above her. It came with a bouquet from the mother of one of her athletes, who wrote: "My dear friend Sing -- Just a reminder to stop and smell the roses. Also take some 'me' time." It goes unnoticed as Sing grabs a quick lunch around 2:30 and gets back in the minivan. She has to pick up Mimi from school at 3 p.m. and shuttle her to a violin lesson.
Growing up during China's Cultural Revolution, Sing says in elementary school she spent half of the day in class, the other half playing or studying. Ming dreamed of learning the violin, but never got the chance. As parents, they want more for their kids.
"Kids are like Play-Doh," says Sing. "You may think your child has no talent, but I think it's about the parents. What are you doing to nurture their interests? I see kids at gymnastics whose parents are not committed, and I know they won't last long."
---
It's 3:20 p.m. in a brightly lit studio at Tutti Muzik on St. Laurent Boulevard. Mimi is standing with her right leg planted behind her and slightly to the side, violin tucked between her chin and her left shoulder. The fingers of her right hand are curled delicately over the bottom of the bow, pinkie slightly raised.
She stares intently at the music in front of her, the first movement of a Vivaldi concerto, although she already has it memorized. Her teacher, Olena Vyhovska, says Mimi is a quick study with a gift for performance. When Mimi describes performing in front of hundreds of people last summer, her pigtails dance and her eyes light up.
Standing beside her young pupil, Olena plays a phrase on her own violin every now and then to demonstrate. Behind them, Sing writes notes on her sheet music and videotapes parts of the lesson. She tapes during every lesson, so the kids can reference the teacher's instructions at home later.
"This is good -- but you can make it cleaner, nicer," says Olena. "Crescendo! Softer!"
Mimi has four lessons a week with Olena and her husband, Serhii Vyhovskyi, former concert musicians and music professors trained in the exacting standards of the conservatories of the former Soviet Union. Serhii also teaches Tony four times a week. Each hour-long lesson is $51, each half-hour is $25.
"Other children may be more talented, but not many are so hard-working and have so much involvement from their parents," says Olena. Tony and Mimi "cannot do any more" than what they are doing, she adds. But Sing says Serhii urges her to increase their lessons and practice time, which sends Sing back to her mental calendar. "When?" she asks herself.
Tony is a gifted student, winner of multiple school prizes every year. Two years ago, he came second in the national finals of the Canada Music Competition. Last year, he missed the finals by a tiny margin -- a devastating lesson on winning and losing. "This year, I want to win," he says.
The children rarely complain about the time they devote to music, says Sing. "They complain about other things," like going to Mandarin school.
One of the first things Tony did when he got an iPod touch for his birthday recently -- after playing a game -- was download videos of musicians playing the same Handel sonata he's learning for this year's competition in the spring. His idea of heaven, he told his mother, was to be on a beach with a good book, a bowl of chips and his music.
---
It's almost 8 p.m., and Tony is eating in the minivan again. After Mimi's lesson, Sing picked up Tony at school. By 3:45, everyone was home. Sing buzzed around clearing out lunchboxes and reading notes from school while Ming fed the kids a snack and put them down for 30-minute naps. They will be up late, and it's the only way to get enough sleep in a day.
At 5 p.m., Mimi went to gymnastics with Sing, while Tony stayed home to do homework and play his violin. He was a bit slow to get to his dinner. When Sing returned from the gym to drop off Mimi and pick up Tony for his violin lesson, she found him balancing a plate in one hand while getting his shoes on with the other.
Ming knows people might think the children are being treated like robots programmed to move from one task to the next. He points out that Tony and Mimi have play time -- they ride their bikes, they build playhouses under the grand piano, they play with their latest toy obsession, Bakugan -- just not as much as other kids might.
But Sing regrets that she's never held a birthday party for her children -- no time, she says. And while Tony and Mimi have lots of friends, it's not often they come over to play.
When they do, Sing frets about the state of the house. Every surface in the living room except the piano is piled high with toys and sheet music, books and more toys. A track for racing cars takes up most of the floor space in front of the fireplace.
"It's funny," Sing says with a sigh. "I used to be crazy about keeping things tidy."
---
It's just past 10 p.m., and Tony and Mimi are heading to bed. Sing has checked their Mandarin homework, they've practised violin some more and Mimi has had a bath. Late at night is when the family finally relaxes, cuddling up to catch up on each other's news.
After the kids go to sleep, Ming works into the wee hours doing business in other time zones. Sing tidies a bit and watches the late news before falling into her own deep sleep. She says she rarely wakes up in the night worrying, but when she does, it's not about her kids.
"I know they're healthy, they're growing well. What worries me is time -- when will I find the time for everything?"
The Li family gives itself one big holiday a year -- a month with relatives in China. It's a true break and they savour it -- no lessons and no gymnastics.
But back at home, Sing can't remember the last time she went for coffee with a friend, or a movie with Ming. During Thanksgiving weekend, a good friend called to invite the family for a visit. They hadn't seen each other since the summer. Sing hesitated.
"Don't think, just come," urged the friend. "We miss you."
They didn't go.
Sing gets quieter and quieter as she tells the anecdote. Then she brightens.
"In the end, the kids had a really good practice, and then we picked apples for an hour," she says. "So it was good."
---
LESSONS + INSTRUMENTS + ACCOMPANISTS - FAMILY MEALS - a little sanity = THE PRICE OF EXCELLENCE
A year in the life of the Lis? $20,000 in music expenses
Here's what the Lis have shared in terms of spending:
They spent about $20,000 a year on music. This includes violin and piano lessons, travel to competitions, a piano accompanist, new violin every year- and-a-half. Lessons are $51 per hour, $25 for half an hour.
Mimi's violin cost around $500, Tony's around $1,500, but both need better, more powerful instruments.
In addition, 10 months of the year they incur the following expenses: Private swim class once a week: $40 for one hour, both kids.
French tutor: $45 for one 90-minute session each week, 45 minutes per child.
Mandarin and math class: $300 a year for each child, 3.5 hours a week.
---
At ottawacitizen.com/
