女儿在Kanata一家很有点名气的私人舞蹈学校学跳舞整整两年, 考过了RAD二级,参加一些大型演出和比赛. 我们非常欣慰和自豪女儿取得的成绩, 也很感谢舞蹈学校. 然而去年冬天发生的事以及随后学校作出的反应令人非常失望甚至不公. 我不知道我是应该采取中国人常见的忍辱负重态度就次打住还是进一步与之理论. 原本以为加拿大相对公平, 大多时候大家都以礼相待. 没想到一向令人尊敬的学校组织者竟是如此态度.真诚希望大家赐教. 以下是事情经过.
2006年圣诞节前学校照例准备”胡桃夹子” 芭蕾舞剧. 到了正式演出前, 学校需要Volunteer自愿者. 因为想到此前中国人做的不多, 就报名在三次演出前分别做三次Volunteer. 谁知学校在预演之前缺少帮手, 有一组织者(也是Volunteer)就按Volunteer登记表上的电话打电话给我希望我多做两次. 当时小女儿还在生病, 非常为难, 我犹豫再三还是不好意思拒绝就答应了. 而参加演出的女儿则担心妈妈从没做过这类Volunteer希望我不要做了. 我解释说正因为中国人做的不够多, 我们做一点不是可以改变人家的看法吗?何况Volunteer也有分工．烫衣服我很拿手，我只报名做烫衣服及中场帮忙换衣服．我安慰她不会有问题的．第一次（预演前）去帮忙开始我还真是有点不知所措，好在有几个看起来常帮忙的Volunteer非常友好，我很快也就搞清怎样帮忙了．到了第二次去，因为有了第一次的经验，知道大多数时间都得候在那里无事可做，就将平时没时间织的毛线活拿了去．在没事可做时我织毛线，其他家长则三个两个地在聊天．
演出终于顺利结束．有一天那位＂德高望重＂的老太太（也是资深芭蕾舞老师）手里拿着一摞感谢信挨个给班上家长做过Volunteer的女孩们手里发．我女儿没有拿到就问她为什么她的妈妈做过Volunteer而没有感谢信呢．老太太说：你的妈妈不配得到感谢信．因为你妈妈做Volunteer只知道织毛线．而且只知道帮你化妆，没有帮其他小孩．此事令女儿非常难堪，憋了近三个月．其间她偶尔提过不想学跳芭蕾舞了，我们也没在意，甚至暗喜．其实女儿是很有舞蹈天赋的．很小的时候曾在北国歌舞团及其他中国民族舞学校跳民族舞作为主要演员．但与大多数中国家长心理一样，总觉这只是爱好，并不积极鼓励，况且的确我们要投入大量的精力．直到今年二月又要面临再一次的跳舞比赛，她神情压抑悲哀，不经意问起却眼泪汪汪．除了＂我怕，我怕＂几个字，怎么也不说发生了什么事．在我们左哄右骗下她责怪我为什么要去Volunteer，这才开口告诉我发生的事．原来老太太又一次的在班上告诫其他孩子不能象她的妈妈那样做Volunteer．并且在圣诞节至二月间至少不止一次又提过此事令她非常羞辱难堪．我听了极度震惊．难怪女儿常常莫名其妙的不高兴，无端的总是跟我作对，自新年以来越加抵触，她还不到十岁呀．我以为她提前进入青春期了？
事实上在我帮忙演出其间,女儿总是避免她妈妈来帮忙,我帮的大多是那些6,7岁的小孩子. 这种意见企不是冤枉吗? 再说不论我做Volunteer做的是否专业，是否有只顾自家人之嫌，怎么也不能这样羞辱孩子啊！
随后为了搞清事实真相，我特意书写一封信送去，一是嘴笨二是为老太太节省时间．舞蹈学校几乎没有多的一分钟与家长交流沟通．他们一节一节课排的满满的，有事就在电话上留言．所有事务性工作全部是Volunteer自愿者完成．当时跟老太太简单讲了此事，她第一反应略有惊异，然后是冷淡，见我非常诚恳（我一再解释可能小孩有些误解，不解）希望沟通，才说＂我没有时间＂．我就说等她有了时间可以约一下，并等她的电话．这之后女儿说老太太再没说过此事．而我也就慢慢等她答复．之后学校向女儿借考一级的芭蕾舞紧身服（女儿考过一级，有规定的颜色的衣服），后又借比赛服装，我都鼓励女儿伸出援手借了出去．
时间到了2007这个暑假，我还是没有等来老太太的答复．于是又写了封信给校长．因为这次信中提到加拿大中国人，校长回信就发生的事只字不提，却揪着这几个字＂加拿大中国人＂大做文章．你们说这公平吗？当然我以后用词需要谨慎．可是我不明白她不喜欢上纲上线，可我幼小的女儿受到的伤害她为何置之不理？真不知道这种事发生在其他加拿大人身上，人家会不会跟她理论甚至诉诸法律呢？他们这态度估计八成是不愿认错了．你们说呢？我该怎么办？
以下是我写给老太太，校长的信几校长的回信．
恳请大家帮我出出主意．总觉特别不公！
To the old lady:
There is something very important that I want to communicate with you. I was very shocked when my daughter Dydia told me her hurt with tears in her eyes. She said when she asked you why her mother didn’t get a thank-you note from volunteering at the Nut Cracker Show last December, you spoke to her in front of the whole class “Other volunteer parents got the thank-you notes because these parents not only help their children but also other children. And your mother only helped you but not helped other children. And your mother just was sitting there and knitting.”
First of all, I would like to confirm with you if these words were from you. If yes, do you know that your words already hurt a girl very deeply? If it was me, I would feel deeply humiliated.
Secondly, I would like to say “That is totally NOT the truth!”
Thirdly, I’m wondering how you got this impression. You were not there, were you?
Alright, let me tell you the whole story. This is my first time volunteering in your dance school. I believe you have had the records that I filled my name on your volunteer form at Thursday night, Friday night and Saturday night to do “help changing and dressing”. And I got a phone call before that Wednesday asking me to volunteer one more evening. I was hesitant to accept because it was conflicted with my schedule. However, considering you were in need of hands, I accepted it. Therefore I went to volunteer four times altogether. The first time Wednesday I had no experience so I asked other parents and did what they asked me to do. I mainly ironed and steamed costumes and dresses. I found that not every volunteer was busy the whole evening. There were more parents than what was needed to do. The following nights I brought my knitting. I don’t understand while other parents were chatting why I couldn’t knit. Everybody knew that each had different role and my role was to help changing and dressing young children. It was only when I was certain that I could take a break I went to sit down knitting. When “Angels” and “Soldiers” came back, I was busy with helping them. I even helped a lot on face make-up and clean. In these four nights, Dydia was not there on Thursday. And in the other two formal performance nights, I only got one chance to help Dydia on her “Soldier” hat. She even didn’t want me to help her at all.
I would suggest you to do more investigation. After that I hope that you will tell the whole class the truth and apologize to Dydia.
On the other hand, I heard that some Chinese parents only help their children. But NOT all Chinese parents did that! I volunteered for the Nut Cracker Show just because that I wanted to help you, the children and your school. Please don’t hold prejudice. If you asked Dydia’ previous JJJ School, their teachers would tell you that their students’ trip was video taped by Dydia’ mother. Even some Chinese parents only helped their own children, that doesn’t mean they don’t want to help others. And one more thing I would like you to know is most new immigrants from China didn’t have much volunteer experience. They just don’t know how and what to do. They are a bit afraid that they would not help much and their good will of helping people would result in complaints instead. Anyhow, all of our family like to help people. Dydia just lent her purple leotard to one of your grade one students for their coming dance exam!
Not everybody knows each process of dancing. As long as we have the enthusiasm and have the will to help people, we should be appreciated and encouraged, shouldn’t we? Not everybody was born perfect! It’s just like you were not from information technology and you don’t know as much as I know about the IT (information technology) industry. How do we have the right to look down on other people who are not from our area? I’m totally confused!
I am hurt and I feel very sorry and unfair what happened on Dydia. I hope that it is just a misunderstanding and a mistake. I hope that the harm your words brought to her won’t affect her outlook on life.
Please let me know your opinion and the result.
To the director:
It’s been two years that Dydia studied in your school. We are very proud all she achieved and very grateful to all your effort on her.
However, as a responsible parent, we believe that it would be worthful if we told you something happened on Dydia. She had had very bad experience for almost half year since last year’s Nutcracker show. She frequently told me that she was scared. We couldn’t understand her feeling until this February when we saw her sad face with tears in her eyes. She was eventually hesitant telling us all what happened in the class with Mrs Dandrew. Mrs. Dandrew humiliated her in front of the class and even mentioned the same thing several times in different classes. Whenever volunteers needed, she stressed her complaint in front of Dydia and all class students, indicating other students “Don’t volunteer like Dydia’ mother”. What a shame! I would think to hide somewhere if I heard this. What a pain that Dydia had endured! She’s been even thinking to drop her favourite hobby ? dance after June.
We believe as a parent you would be very sad as well for what a girl like this age had suffered and endured.
The motive to drive us to write you is we appreciate your reputation and all that your school did for her progress. We hope my daughter’s experience would not happen ever on other children, particularly on Canadian-Chinese children. We wish your school continuous success.
The enclosed is the letter that I wrote to Mrs. Dandrew. Until today we never got her response regarding this issue, not even a sorry word to Dydia. We are very disappointed with Mrs. Dandrew’s behaviour.
We would appreciate your feedback.
Thanks again for your effort.
Regards,
The mother
The letter from the director:
I received your letter yesterday, dated July 31, 2007 claiming that a “situation” happened between Dydia and Miss Dandrews. I am very concerned that you have made some shocking accusations and very serious judgements against a member of my teaching staff.
Seven months have passed since the Nutcracker Production. It is very unfortunate that you didn’t speak with Miss Dandrews about this face to face, in person. You had many opportunities to do so. You have spoken to her a number of times since December you should have discussed it with her at one of those opportunities or you could have called the school to set up a meeting with her to discuss your concerns. The longer one harbours hurt and feelings of anger, the more difficult it is to sort out factual information. It is easier then to misjudge, and become confused or even irrational and lose perspective.
I must say that I was greatly disturbed by you words, “We hope my daughter’s experience would not happen ever on other children, particularly on Canadian-Chinese children.” I am insulted by your accusation that my staff and school holds a bias against Canadian-Chinese children. I can assure you that it is simply not true. I resent being falsely accused of such prejudice. You leave me no option but to release Dydia from the school and wish her every success in another dance school.
Sincerely,
The director
2006年圣诞节前学校照例准备”胡桃夹子” 芭蕾舞剧. 到了正式演出前, 学校需要Volunteer自愿者. 因为想到此前中国人做的不多, 就报名在三次演出前分别做三次Volunteer. 谁知学校在预演之前缺少帮手, 有一组织者(也是Volunteer)就按Volunteer登记表上的电话打电话给我希望我多做两次. 当时小女儿还在生病, 非常为难, 我犹豫再三还是不好意思拒绝就答应了. 而参加演出的女儿则担心妈妈从没做过这类Volunteer希望我不要做了. 我解释说正因为中国人做的不够多, 我们做一点不是可以改变人家的看法吗?何况Volunteer也有分工．烫衣服我很拿手，我只报名做烫衣服及中场帮忙换衣服．我安慰她不会有问题的．第一次（预演前）去帮忙开始我还真是有点不知所措，好在有几个看起来常帮忙的Volunteer非常友好，我很快也就搞清怎样帮忙了．到了第二次去，因为有了第一次的经验，知道大多数时间都得候在那里无事可做，就将平时没时间织的毛线活拿了去．在没事可做时我织毛线，其他家长则三个两个地在聊天．
演出终于顺利结束．有一天那位＂德高望重＂的老太太（也是资深芭蕾舞老师）手里拿着一摞感谢信挨个给班上家长做过Volunteer的女孩们手里发．我女儿没有拿到就问她为什么她的妈妈做过Volunteer而没有感谢信呢．老太太说：你的妈妈不配得到感谢信．因为你妈妈做Volunteer只知道织毛线．而且只知道帮你化妆，没有帮其他小孩．此事令女儿非常难堪，憋了近三个月．其间她偶尔提过不想学跳芭蕾舞了，我们也没在意，甚至暗喜．其实女儿是很有舞蹈天赋的．很小的时候曾在北国歌舞团及其他中国民族舞学校跳民族舞作为主要演员．但与大多数中国家长心理一样，总觉这只是爱好，并不积极鼓励，况且的确我们要投入大量的精力．直到今年二月又要面临再一次的跳舞比赛，她神情压抑悲哀，不经意问起却眼泪汪汪．除了＂我怕，我怕＂几个字，怎么也不说发生了什么事．在我们左哄右骗下她责怪我为什么要去Volunteer，这才开口告诉我发生的事．原来老太太又一次的在班上告诫其他孩子不能象她的妈妈那样做Volunteer．并且在圣诞节至二月间至少不止一次又提过此事令她非常羞辱难堪．我听了极度震惊．难怪女儿常常莫名其妙的不高兴，无端的总是跟我作对，自新年以来越加抵触，她还不到十岁呀．我以为她提前进入青春期了？
事实上在我帮忙演出其间,女儿总是避免她妈妈来帮忙,我帮的大多是那些6,7岁的小孩子. 这种意见企不是冤枉吗? 再说不论我做Volunteer做的是否专业，是否有只顾自家人之嫌，怎么也不能这样羞辱孩子啊！
随后为了搞清事实真相，我特意书写一封信送去，一是嘴笨二是为老太太节省时间．舞蹈学校几乎没有多的一分钟与家长交流沟通．他们一节一节课排的满满的，有事就在电话上留言．所有事务性工作全部是Volunteer自愿者完成．当时跟老太太简单讲了此事，她第一反应略有惊异，然后是冷淡，见我非常诚恳（我一再解释可能小孩有些误解，不解）希望沟通，才说＂我没有时间＂．我就说等她有了时间可以约一下，并等她的电话．这之后女儿说老太太再没说过此事．而我也就慢慢等她答复．之后学校向女儿借考一级的芭蕾舞紧身服（女儿考过一级，有规定的颜色的衣服），后又借比赛服装，我都鼓励女儿伸出援手借了出去．
时间到了2007这个暑假，我还是没有等来老太太的答复．于是又写了封信给校长．因为这次信中提到加拿大中国人，校长回信就发生的事只字不提，却揪着这几个字＂加拿大中国人＂大做文章．你们说这公平吗？当然我以后用词需要谨慎．可是我不明白她不喜欢上纲上线，可我幼小的女儿受到的伤害她为何置之不理？真不知道这种事发生在其他加拿大人身上，人家会不会跟她理论甚至诉诸法律呢？他们这态度估计八成是不愿认错了．你们说呢？我该怎么办？
以下是我写给老太太，校长的信几校长的回信．
恳请大家帮我出出主意．总觉特别不公！
To the old lady:
There is something very important that I want to communicate with you. I was very shocked when my daughter Dydia told me her hurt with tears in her eyes. She said when she asked you why her mother didn’t get a thank-you note from volunteering at the Nut Cracker Show last December, you spoke to her in front of the whole class “Other volunteer parents got the thank-you notes because these parents not only help their children but also other children. And your mother only helped you but not helped other children. And your mother just was sitting there and knitting.”
First of all, I would like to confirm with you if these words were from you. If yes, do you know that your words already hurt a girl very deeply? If it was me, I would feel deeply humiliated.
Secondly, I would like to say “That is totally NOT the truth!”
Thirdly, I’m wondering how you got this impression. You were not there, were you?
Alright, let me tell you the whole story. This is my first time volunteering in your dance school. I believe you have had the records that I filled my name on your volunteer form at Thursday night, Friday night and Saturday night to do “help changing and dressing”. And I got a phone call before that Wednesday asking me to volunteer one more evening. I was hesitant to accept because it was conflicted with my schedule. However, considering you were in need of hands, I accepted it. Therefore I went to volunteer four times altogether. The first time Wednesday I had no experience so I asked other parents and did what they asked me to do. I mainly ironed and steamed costumes and dresses. I found that not every volunteer was busy the whole evening. There were more parents than what was needed to do. The following nights I brought my knitting. I don’t understand while other parents were chatting why I couldn’t knit. Everybody knew that each had different role and my role was to help changing and dressing young children. It was only when I was certain that I could take a break I went to sit down knitting. When “Angels” and “Soldiers” came back, I was busy with helping them. I even helped a lot on face make-up and clean. In these four nights, Dydia was not there on Thursday. And in the other two formal performance nights, I only got one chance to help Dydia on her “Soldier” hat. She even didn’t want me to help her at all.
I would suggest you to do more investigation. After that I hope that you will tell the whole class the truth and apologize to Dydia.
On the other hand, I heard that some Chinese parents only help their children. But NOT all Chinese parents did that! I volunteered for the Nut Cracker Show just because that I wanted to help you, the children and your school. Please don’t hold prejudice. If you asked Dydia’ previous JJJ School, their teachers would tell you that their students’ trip was video taped by Dydia’ mother. Even some Chinese parents only helped their own children, that doesn’t mean they don’t want to help others. And one more thing I would like you to know is most new immigrants from China didn’t have much volunteer experience. They just don’t know how and what to do. They are a bit afraid that they would not help much and their good will of helping people would result in complaints instead. Anyhow, all of our family like to help people. Dydia just lent her purple leotard to one of your grade one students for their coming dance exam!
Not everybody knows each process of dancing. As long as we have the enthusiasm and have the will to help people, we should be appreciated and encouraged, shouldn’t we? Not everybody was born perfect! It’s just like you were not from information technology and you don’t know as much as I know about the IT (information technology) industry. How do we have the right to look down on other people who are not from our area? I’m totally confused!
I am hurt and I feel very sorry and unfair what happened on Dydia. I hope that it is just a misunderstanding and a mistake. I hope that the harm your words brought to her won’t affect her outlook on life.
Please let me know your opinion and the result.
To the director:
It’s been two years that Dydia studied in your school. We are very proud all she achieved and very grateful to all your effort on her.
However, as a responsible parent, we believe that it would be worthful if we told you something happened on Dydia. She had had very bad experience for almost half year since last year’s Nutcracker show. She frequently told me that she was scared. We couldn’t understand her feeling until this February when we saw her sad face with tears in her eyes. She was eventually hesitant telling us all what happened in the class with Mrs Dandrew. Mrs. Dandrew humiliated her in front of the class and even mentioned the same thing several times in different classes. Whenever volunteers needed, she stressed her complaint in front of Dydia and all class students, indicating other students “Don’t volunteer like Dydia’ mother”. What a shame! I would think to hide somewhere if I heard this. What a pain that Dydia had endured! She’s been even thinking to drop her favourite hobby ? dance after June.
We believe as a parent you would be very sad as well for what a girl like this age had suffered and endured.
The motive to drive us to write you is we appreciate your reputation and all that your school did for her progress. We hope my daughter’s experience would not happen ever on other children, particularly on Canadian-Chinese children. We wish your school continuous success.
The enclosed is the letter that I wrote to Mrs. Dandrew. Until today we never got her response regarding this issue, not even a sorry word to Dydia. We are very disappointed with Mrs. Dandrew’s behaviour.
We would appreciate your feedback.
Thanks again for your effort.
Regards,
The mother
The letter from the director:
I received your letter yesterday, dated July 31, 2007 claiming that a “situation” happened between Dydia and Miss Dandrews. I am very concerned that you have made some shocking accusations and very serious judgements against a member of my teaching staff.
Seven months have passed since the Nutcracker Production. It is very unfortunate that you didn’t speak with Miss Dandrews about this face to face, in person. You had many opportunities to do so. You have spoken to her a number of times since December you should have discussed it with her at one of those opportunities or you could have called the school to set up a meeting with her to discuss your concerns. The longer one harbours hurt and feelings of anger, the more difficult it is to sort out factual information. It is easier then to misjudge, and become confused or even irrational and lose perspective.
I must say that I was greatly disturbed by you words, “We hope my daughter’s experience would not happen ever on other children, particularly on Canadian-Chinese children.” I am insulted by your accusation that my staff and school holds a bias against Canadian-Chinese children. I can assure you that it is simply not true. I resent being falsely accused of such prejudice. You leave me no option but to release Dydia from the school and wish her every success in another dance school.
Sincerely,
The director
