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- 2011-03-16
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March 27, 2011, Sunday
Well, I am a homeless man hanging out mostly in the Market. I don't usually write since I am not a good writer and there is really nothing to write about anyways.
Every day of my life is pretty much the same. Sitting on the street, watching people passing by, greeting hot girls and punks, chatting with guys like myself, smoking crack or treating ourselves with some beer if we get some money. ... You know, the regular kinda shit.
Meal time I go to this salvation army place on Laurier for food. Night time, I go to the same place to find myself a cozy bed to sleep. Every friday, I wait in the line to pick up my $12 weekly allowance from our dearest govenment.
Life is all good ... although not particuarly exciting. Hey, I do nothing, what else would I expect?
But today has really been the best day of my life, and, it is so great that I must write something.
Like most of the winter days, I got up late and started off my day with the free lunch in the salvation army residence. I still had a couple of bucks left from last Friday's allowance, so I got myself a coffee from the second cup.
The owner of the second cup hated me coming. I know, I know. But I got the money. Yep. I do.
Walking in the sun and tasting the first sip of the first coffee of the day, that was great. The snow had all gone and the market had waken up from the winter. More people, noisier traffic, more girls dressed in short skirts. That was beautiful.
I somehow felt today would be a different day. Maybe like the other day when I saw this hyper talkative black guy followed by a bunch of classy people. They say he is the president or the prime minister kinda guy of some stupid cocky country down south. Who cares.
But nothing was too different when I got on my usual spot on York and sat down. I greeted people passing by, asking for changes, and of course mostly got ignored. That is cool. I don't need the money, I had my coffee, and I am not dying for pot or anything.
Nothing was much different for almost an hour, until this two Asian guys walked up to me.
The two guys looked identical, same height, both skinny built, and perhaps the same age. I wouldn't be able to tell Asian people's ages anyways. Just like cats can not really distinguish dogs, asian people all look the same to me, and it seems every Asian girl is hot. Ottawa is really a great place cuz we got so many Asians here. Well no intention to mean I have been to any place outside Ottawa. But I am happy the way the city is. Life is beautiful .
Back to these two guys, they both spoke good English. Although there was still the soya sauce sounding accent, their English was surprisingly good. The only way I was able to distinguish the two was from the fact that one of them wore a pair of glasses and seemed quieter and a bit shy. It was the other guy who did most of the talking.
The talkative guy started the conversation by saying, "hey pal, wanna watch a movie?"
I thought it was a joke. White teenagers sometimes come up to me joking like this. "sure" I said, "you want to buy me a ticket?" I joked back. I haven't really watched a movie for ages.
"we are serious. If you want to watch a movie, you come with us."
For a few seconds I did not know what to say. "you shitting me."
"no, told you we are serious." the talkative guy replied, with a smirk on his face. "we wil take you to Kanata to watch a movie and take you back right here after the movie."
I looked at these guys again wondering whether they were muffia and trying to kidnap me. But, why me?
"why?" I asked.
"my friend, this guy, won a movie ticket and is supposed to watch a movie with his friends" he pointed to the guy with glasses. "but he decided to let you go instead. To make fun of his friends."
Now I started to believe. I had been hired to play pranks before, but mostly by white guys. Never by Asians -- asians aren't this outrageous --- and nothing of this scale.
"just watching a movie?" I asked.
"yep, mostly watching movie and some gentle pranks"
Why not. This started to sound great and fun, and I had been debating for a long time if I should use my allowance to watch a movie, rather than buying pot. But, a smart man as I am, I said, "no, unless you pay me 10 bucks extra"
"no problem. I will give you 20!" this was the guy with glasses, loud and excited.
I was a little regretting that I asked for too little to this two jokers, who apparently would pay me even more if I had asked.
They called a taxi and we hopped in. They made me sit next to the driver and they sat on the backseat. The taxi driver in the beginning would not like to take us. He was complaining that I was too dirty and smelly. But the guy with glasses offerred an extra 20 bucks, and the driver agreed.
In the cab, the talkative guy told me what to do. I bargained for another 10 bucks for the job.
The cab dropped us at the taxi parking next to Kanata AMC 24 Cinema. The talkative guy put on his sun glasses and took out a video camera. He and I walked to the cinema and the other guy went to a pub next door. When we were close to the cinema, the guy passed me a folded poster and stopped. I went up by myself.
As they described, there were a few Asian people standing in front of the cinema. A few men and a couple of women. There was this well dressed guy among them, new suit, shiny shoes. He should be able to go to a wedding in that outfit. He was happily talking to the girls, and the girls looked very pleased.
While they were talking, they constantly looked around. Apparently they were waiting for some one, which, in this case, was obviously my joker friend.
I walked up to them, unfolded the poster and put it up in front of them. The poster looked like this:
闲人，把俺的票给这个人！ －拥抱
The people saw the poster, astonished for perhaps a minute, then bursted into laughters.
The shiny shoes guy asked, "who asked you to come?"
"he said his name is Yong Bao", I answered according to what I was told.
They laughed again and talked among themselves. After a few minutes of loud discussion, the shiny shoes passed me a ticket, and said, "alright, this is yours now."
They then walked into the theater. I followed them. The shiny shoes was offerring to buy popcorns for the party.
I said, "sir, can you buy me some popcorn?"
He looked at me as if I was an alien. "... ... no."
Before I was about to ask again, the two young girls in the party started laughing at the shiny shoes. I did not understand what they said, but obviously the shiny shoes was convinced that he should buy me some popcorn. He went into the line. I then said, "I want some coke too." the girls were laughing again. This time, the shiny shoes simply stared at me and shouted, "OK!!!"
I got my popcorn combo and followed the shiny shoes. He and a lady found a good spot and sat down. The rest of the party found their own seats. I sat next to the shiny shoes. The man got annoyed, and asked, "why do you sit here?"
"this is a good spot." I answered.
"but... you know.. You got a bit smell ..."
"yes, guess so. I haven't taken a shower for a couple years. Actually I do not remember when I took a shower last time. But I am ok with it. "
The man was apparently disgusted.
"you know what, I think I am going to move over that way." he and the lady then moved a few seats over.
I stood up and sat next to him again, starting to eat my popcorn. It was really nice sitting in a theater.
"why do you follow me?" he spoke again.
"well, I think you are a nice man, and it should be enjoyable to watch a movie next to you. Want some popcorn?" I grabbed some popcorn and passed to him.
"no!" the man looked angry now. "there are so many empty seats, why do you have to sit here?!"
"I like you, pal. If you move again, I am moving with you." I recited the lines I was taught.
The guy got frustrated. At this moment, the movie started. The guy covered his mouth and nose and ignored me. I guess he didn't like my smell, although I am quite comfortable with it.
The movie was nice. Loud sound, big screen, hot chicks. Wow, it was really good!
During the movie, the shiny shoes did not say a word to the lady, since he was covering his mouth all the time. I offered a couple of times my coke to him. He ignored me, with that disgusted face. That was cool. I didn't mind.
As soon as the movie ended, he grabbed the lady's hand and ran away, without even saying goodbye to his party.
-- That was not very nice. I thought he was a nice man.
But, anyways, I came out of the theater, went to the pub to meet the two jokers. They paid me 30 dollars and got a taxi to send me back.
Wow, what a lucky day!
Well, I am a homeless man hanging out mostly in the Market. I don't usually write since I am not a good writer and there is really nothing to write about anyways.
Every day of my life is pretty much the same. Sitting on the street, watching people passing by, greeting hot girls and punks, chatting with guys like myself, smoking crack or treating ourselves with some beer if we get some money. ... You know, the regular kinda shit.
Meal time I go to this salvation army place on Laurier for food. Night time, I go to the same place to find myself a cozy bed to sleep. Every friday, I wait in the line to pick up my $12 weekly allowance from our dearest govenment.
Life is all good ... although not particuarly exciting. Hey, I do nothing, what else would I expect?
But today has really been the best day of my life, and, it is so great that I must write something.
Like most of the winter days, I got up late and started off my day with the free lunch in the salvation army residence. I still had a couple of bucks left from last Friday's allowance, so I got myself a coffee from the second cup.
The owner of the second cup hated me coming. I know, I know. But I got the money. Yep. I do.
Walking in the sun and tasting the first sip of the first coffee of the day, that was great. The snow had all gone and the market had waken up from the winter. More people, noisier traffic, more girls dressed in short skirts. That was beautiful.
I somehow felt today would be a different day. Maybe like the other day when I saw this hyper talkative black guy followed by a bunch of classy people. They say he is the president or the prime minister kinda guy of some stupid cocky country down south. Who cares.
But nothing was too different when I got on my usual spot on York and sat down. I greeted people passing by, asking for changes, and of course mostly got ignored. That is cool. I don't need the money, I had my coffee, and I am not dying for pot or anything.
Nothing was much different for almost an hour, until this two Asian guys walked up to me.
The two guys looked identical, same height, both skinny built, and perhaps the same age. I wouldn't be able to tell Asian people's ages anyways. Just like cats can not really distinguish dogs, asian people all look the same to me, and it seems every Asian girl is hot. Ottawa is really a great place cuz we got so many Asians here. Well no intention to mean I have been to any place outside Ottawa. But I am happy the way the city is. Life is beautiful .
Back to these two guys, they both spoke good English. Although there was still the soya sauce sounding accent, their English was surprisingly good. The only way I was able to distinguish the two was from the fact that one of them wore a pair of glasses and seemed quieter and a bit shy. It was the other guy who did most of the talking.
The talkative guy started the conversation by saying, "hey pal, wanna watch a movie?"
I thought it was a joke. White teenagers sometimes come up to me joking like this. "sure" I said, "you want to buy me a ticket?" I joked back. I haven't really watched a movie for ages.
"we are serious. If you want to watch a movie, you come with us."
For a few seconds I did not know what to say. "you shitting me."
"no, told you we are serious." the talkative guy replied, with a smirk on his face. "we wil take you to Kanata to watch a movie and take you back right here after the movie."
I looked at these guys again wondering whether they were muffia and trying to kidnap me. But, why me?
"why?" I asked.
"my friend, this guy, won a movie ticket and is supposed to watch a movie with his friends" he pointed to the guy with glasses. "but he decided to let you go instead. To make fun of his friends."
Now I started to believe. I had been hired to play pranks before, but mostly by white guys. Never by Asians -- asians aren't this outrageous --- and nothing of this scale.
"just watching a movie?" I asked.
"yep, mostly watching movie and some gentle pranks"
Why not. This started to sound great and fun, and I had been debating for a long time if I should use my allowance to watch a movie, rather than buying pot. But, a smart man as I am, I said, "no, unless you pay me 10 bucks extra"
"no problem. I will give you 20!" this was the guy with glasses, loud and excited.
I was a little regretting that I asked for too little to this two jokers, who apparently would pay me even more if I had asked.
They called a taxi and we hopped in. They made me sit next to the driver and they sat on the backseat. The taxi driver in the beginning would not like to take us. He was complaining that I was too dirty and smelly. But the guy with glasses offerred an extra 20 bucks, and the driver agreed.
In the cab, the talkative guy told me what to do. I bargained for another 10 bucks for the job.
The cab dropped us at the taxi parking next to Kanata AMC 24 Cinema. The talkative guy put on his sun glasses and took out a video camera. He and I walked to the cinema and the other guy went to a pub next door. When we were close to the cinema, the guy passed me a folded poster and stopped. I went up by myself.
As they described, there were a few Asian people standing in front of the cinema. A few men and a couple of women. There was this well dressed guy among them, new suit, shiny shoes. He should be able to go to a wedding in that outfit. He was happily talking to the girls, and the girls looked very pleased.
While they were talking, they constantly looked around. Apparently they were waiting for some one, which, in this case, was obviously my joker friend.
I walked up to them, unfolded the poster and put it up in front of them. The poster looked like this:
闲人，把俺的票给这个人！ －拥抱
The people saw the poster, astonished for perhaps a minute, then bursted into laughters.
The shiny shoes guy asked, "who asked you to come?"
"he said his name is Yong Bao", I answered according to what I was told.
They laughed again and talked among themselves. After a few minutes of loud discussion, the shiny shoes passed me a ticket, and said, "alright, this is yours now."
They then walked into the theater. I followed them. The shiny shoes was offerring to buy popcorns for the party.
I said, "sir, can you buy me some popcorn?"
He looked at me as if I was an alien. "... ... no."
Before I was about to ask again, the two young girls in the party started laughing at the shiny shoes. I did not understand what they said, but obviously the shiny shoes was convinced that he should buy me some popcorn. He went into the line. I then said, "I want some coke too." the girls were laughing again. This time, the shiny shoes simply stared at me and shouted, "OK!!!"
I got my popcorn combo and followed the shiny shoes. He and a lady found a good spot and sat down. The rest of the party found their own seats. I sat next to the shiny shoes. The man got annoyed, and asked, "why do you sit here?"
"this is a good spot." I answered.
"but... you know.. You got a bit smell ..."
"yes, guess so. I haven't taken a shower for a couple years. Actually I do not remember when I took a shower last time. But I am ok with it. "
The man was apparently disgusted.
"you know what, I think I am going to move over that way." he and the lady then moved a few seats over.
I stood up and sat next to him again, starting to eat my popcorn. It was really nice sitting in a theater.
"why do you follow me?" he spoke again.
"well, I think you are a nice man, and it should be enjoyable to watch a movie next to you. Want some popcorn?" I grabbed some popcorn and passed to him.
"no!" the man looked angry now. "there are so many empty seats, why do you have to sit here?!"
"I like you, pal. If you move again, I am moving with you." I recited the lines I was taught.
The guy got frustrated. At this moment, the movie started. The guy covered his mouth and nose and ignored me. I guess he didn't like my smell, although I am quite comfortable with it.
The movie was nice. Loud sound, big screen, hot chicks. Wow, it was really good!
During the movie, the shiny shoes did not say a word to the lady, since he was covering his mouth all the time. I offered a couple of times my coke to him. He ignored me, with that disgusted face. That was cool. I didn't mind.
As soon as the movie ended, he grabbed the lady's hand and ran away, without even saying goodbye to his party.
-- That was not very nice. I thought he was a nice man.
But, anyways, I came out of the theater, went to the pub to meet the two jokers. They paid me 30 dollars and got a taxi to send me back.
Wow, what a lucky day!
