精华 谁还愿意去这样的舞蹈学校？

[太极]

Fight for the right of your daughter

- Write a letter to the director to clarify that you didn’t meant to accuse the teacher or school “holds a bias against Canadian-Chinese children”. You just want to have an explanation from the teacher that you are entitled to but you are not getting it.

- You should express that you deeply regret that you did some personal work when volunteering. It was impropriate.

- But, It’s totally unacceptable to humiliate a child in front of the whole class for her parent’s wrong doing.

- Claim that your daughter is hurt. You need to see a counselor or a doctor to have an estimate of how badly she is hurt. This is necessary for collecting evidence for a possible lawsuit.

- Tell the director that you will pursue the situation further if you daughter doesn’t get a public apology from the teacher.


Do NOT expect the school will give in. The director will protect the teacher.

To pursuing the justice for your child, you can do the following:

- Tell the story in local newspapers.
- Write a letter to City Councilor but more important the Member of Provincial Parliament (MPP) to ask for help.
- Contact Ontario Ministry of Education
- Consult a lawyer for possibility to sue the teacher or school (They usually have first 15-30m free).
- Setup a donation account for the lawsuit so people who are sympathized with your daughter can help.

I have a daughter and I understand your feeling when your daughter is hurt.

 

[开喜]

最初由 个人会员 发布
3 很多跟贴分析因果关系， 希望从中汲取经验和教训。 但愿有更多建议如何走好下一步。学校是一个私校， 一个business。有时不采你一个customer。找当地市议员也许可得到帮助， 也许仅是指导性的帮助。

但愿大家群策群力， 帮事主找到好的办法.

我觉得孩子转学校是必然的, 这里不管道歉不道歉, 她呆下去都没有好处. 问题是孩子心理受到打击, 应该有个让她缓和的过程. 我建议楼主找孩子所在的上学学校推荐一名social worker先谈谈. (不是舞蹈学校). Social Worker有时候也跟心理医生有共同的作用, 尤其是孩子心理收到某种伤害的时候.

另外我觉得让那个老太太或者Director当众道歉简直是不可能的. 他们能够做到的最好, 大概就是私下会晤一次, 找一个中间人做些调解, 消除一些误会, 也许他们会不疼不痒地说些 Sorry 这个Sorry 那个的, 准保都不在要点上, 到头说一句 I am sorry of the misunderstanding, 这可能还得楼主先为自己织毛衣的事情道歉在先. 但是给孩子一个说法, 是最重要的. 大人误会不误会的不至于怎么样, 一个不到10岁的孩子如果心理种下一个阴影可不是小事. 她本来不是很有舞蹈天才吗, 因为这个实践她可能就永远放弃了舞蹈, 这可能是个很大的损失啊.

 

[Jingle]

最初由 dalong 发布
十分理解这位家长的心情。对于小女孩来说，这件事的伤害不会因为转校而消失。
但这件事也给我们每个家长一个教训，那就是学会该如何投诉。其实事情开始不复杂，这里面也许真的有些误会，我们很多家长可能会和这位家长想法一样，义工嘛，没人派我做事时候，我可以做自己的事，但可能在加拿大人看来就这就是不积极了，这确实是误会。
但无论如何，在众人面前给小孩子难堪是不对的。我相信你如果及时找他们指出，不管你义工做得是否合乎他们的标准，但老太太的言行，给孩子造成了伤害，他们都不能否认，应该道歉。
这位家长的信，有点主次不分，辩解自己的义工例证无力（我相信这位家长努力为小朋友做了她认为义工该做的事），对孩子的影响又上升到了民族矛盾，就有点过了。应该就事论事，谈对孩子的伤害就好了。
我建议应该找校长和老太太面对面谈谈，假如彼此有误会，那解释清楚，如果家长有错误的言论，那么应该道歉，但老太太也应该给孩子解释或道歉，因为这会对孩子有长远影响。给他们打个电话，说你们愿意转学，但希望可以面对面好好沟通，达成谅解，给孩子一个解释，不希望给她留下阴影。
咱们中国人有时在表达意思时，由于不是自己的母语，有时听上去很生硬（态度），其实我们的本意不是那样的。建议找个加拿大朋友陪同一起谈谈。
我们不能对孩子说我们转学吧，这个世界就是有些坏人，在这，我们就会受到歧视。这样会影响到孩子的自信的。

很有道理。的确应该就事论事，让孩子走出此事的阴影。

 

[只在乎曾经拥有]

这个死老太婆业务还挺强的。看来人品不好。

E. Andrews, Master Teacher and Dual Examiner for the Royal Academy of Dance for 33 years, was granted the Advanced Teacher's Certificate of the R.A.D in 1966. In 1969, she was elected to the Board of Children's Examiners and in 1977 was elected to the board of Major Examiners for the Royal Academy of Dance. Since that time she traveled extensively throughout the world conducting examinations, workshops and courses to both teachers and students alike.

As a dancer, Miss Andrews performed in Ballet and Contemporary Dance productions both as a soloist and as the partner of Norbert Vesak, the world renowned Choreographer. He received a Gold Medal in 1979 at the World Ballet Competition in Varna, Bulgaria, for his most famous ballet Pas de Deux "Belong". It was also at this competition that Canada's Prima Ballerina, Evelyn Hart, won the Gold Medal for her performance of Mr. Vesak's choreography. While still performing, Miss Andrews opened a Branch School of the Lynden Studio which later became Canadian Dance World where she taught for forty years.

Miss Andrews began studying ballet and tap dancing in her home town of New Westminster, B.C. at the Lynden Studio of dancing under the direction of Josephine Slater. She was also taught by Mara McBirney, the teacher sent from England to introduce and teach the Royal Academy Syllabus work to teachers in British Columbia. Miss Andrews' studies were enriched with Professional Workshops and Summer Programs with famous guest teachers such as Alexandra Danilova - Ballet, Ted Shawn - Modern Dance, Joy Camden - Character Dance and Shivaram - Kathakali East Indian Dance.

Many of Miss Andrews' students have gone on to dance professionally with the Royal Winnipeg Ballet Company, National Ballet of Canada, Alberta Ballet Company, Stuttgart Ballet Company, Dusseldorf Ballet Company and the New York City "Rockets". She has coached students who have received the coveted Solo Seal award, the highest level of achievement granted by the Royal Academy of Dance, as well, her students have also been successful at the prestigious International Ballet Competition, the Phyllis Bedells Bursary held in London, England. In North American competitions, her students have won over 500 trophies and awards for their outstanding performances. Her inspiration has led a great number of her students to become teachers of dance throughout Canada.

Miss Andrews has been a full time faculty member with the LJ School of Dance for the past ten years, teaching Pre-Primary to Advanced classes, choreographing dances for competitions, assisting with the school's production of the full- length Ballet "Nutcracker". Miss Andrews has also directed, and choreographed the school's Spring Ballet Productions of "Giselle" and "Copellia".

 

[只在乎曾经拥有]

LZ does not need to blame yourself for not doing volunteer properly.

Any volunteers deserve a thank-you note no matter how they did the work.

As a volunteer you contribute your time. You are not obligated to any commitment.

You do as much as you can do, as much as as you want to do, or as much as you feel comfortable to do.

In the end, it is a volunteer.

Miss Andrews was very unprofessional in this matter.

 

[Inwind]

支持LZ与学校继续理论！

不过LZ一定要认识到这件事和华人没有什么关系。如果只是口头上否认，心底里还是认为这是种族歧视的话，恐怕很难与校长沟通。

 

[lilidoo]

最初由 只在乎曾经拥有 发布
LZ does not need to blame yourself for not doing volunteer properly.

Any volunteers deserve a thank-you note no matter how they did the work.

As a volunteer you contribute your time. You are not obligated to any commitment.

You do as much as you can do, as much as as you want to do, or as much as you feel comfortable to do.

In the end, it is a volunteer.

Miss Andrews was very unprofessional in this matter.

Volunter 和正式员工一样，如果接受这个工作，得认真对待。一般不能随便招Volunter.

 

[mugua]

最初由 lilidoo 发布


Volunter 和正式员工一样，如果接受这个工作，得认真对待。一般不能随便招Volunter.

My view:

1. First of all, the senior teacher was wrong if what LZ saying was true. If the teacher did do so to your child so many times and your child has been hut, you can get straight in the court for her hurting your child. However, the principle's response seems reasonable because he or she has to do the best to protect his/her own interest (the best interest may not be necessarily justified);
2. When you write a formal complaint letter, you have to express yourself very clearly and only talk about the issues concerned, not more and not less. If you are not confident with your English, you should ask someone who can help. Based on your letters, I do not feel you were complaining but accusing and your volunteer experience description;
3. You need evidence/witness to support what you claimed that the teacher did say such, such. As the principle said, after more than half year, how can you recall things clearly?
4. When doing volunteer work, you are committed yourself to the volunteer job, just as you are doing your IT job. Nothing else should be done. Can you do knitting in your IT office?
5. Agreed with most suggestions. Do not raise discrimination issue until you have solid evidence. This is a big issue and offender will be published by law. That could be part of the reason that made the principle write such a letter.
6. You should consult your lawyer if you like further action.

 

[old_pal]

Let's not forget the center of this whole dispution - your daughter. Talk to your daughter, apologize to her for not doing a good volunteering job, don't be shy to admit your own fault, tell her what you think you did is wrong. And promise her you will do better job next time.

Also let her know what Ms. Andrews did is not appropriate either, and teach her not to live under anybody else's judgement.

Nothing else matters more than your own daughter's feeling and understanding.

Moving or hiding away is NOT the solution, that only hurts your daughter deeper and longer. This school is the right place not only for your daughter to learn dancing, also learn how to deal with people's opinion. This is the perfect chance for you too to learn/improve how to deal with people. People has to live with people, and people WILL have different opinion, you can't hide from that! So face it. Apologize for what you did wrong, demand apologies for what you deserve and send your daughter back to school with pride and smile.

 

[doctorz]

She did nothing wrong, unless there was a training before to say that you could not
do anything else and you signed the consent.

Volunteer is not a job.No matter how much she did, she deserved a letter of thanks.
This is a simple sense of courtesy! It is very rude for them to do so. I would question
why they did so, and why they didnot tell her directly, but to suffer her kid. If this
is not the racist, then what would be the racist? Unless this old lady is not from
this country and never get any basic education here.
If she was the only Chinese there, it would add more evidence.
This is disrespect and ignorance.

This mother's letter is not wrong althoug it can be better and more harsh.
Of course, they should be nicer to visible manority, especially at this sensitive situation.

What the teacher did could be sued as mental abuse to the kid. and director's last sentense
should be questioned for its rational. If it is not proper addressed, his saying
could be used as the evidence as racist.

Collecting evidence and legal threat are neccessary.

Why give up? What is the benefit to give up and what you lose to fight?

 

[tom.cui]

1、首先，非常同情楼主和女儿的遭遇。建议：换一个学校，给孩子重建自信。不要再在这件事上浪费时间，Forget it! 要知道，加拿大也有很多黑暗的地方，舞蹈老师和校长不存在语言障碍，他们可以很好的沟通，没听说过恶人先告状吗？从校长的信中可以体会到，他不想处理这件事，因为时间太长，好多事实无法调查清楚了。另外你的信触发了他的敏感神经，他觉得受到了不公平的指控，没有办法通过他解决问题了。（除非通过学校董事会？但是，太浪费你的时间了，有必要吗？）
2、不得不承认，楼主的英语水平并不次，但想法和观点、文风却非常的Chinglish。可能是积怨太深了，给老太太的信用词过于激烈，抨击得比较厉害，任何一个老外看到这样的信都会非常反感，她既不会道歉、也不会内疚。包括给校长的信，都有些不冷静。这件事给楼主一个教训，以后在写任何投诉信之前，千万让一个外国朋友帮你斟酌一下，老外的思路给咱们太不一样了！

 

[doctorz]

就这么点儿事被欺负成这样,看着就来气.也太软弱了.还转学呢? 凭什么转?还不高兴死他们?

告诉他们,就不转,看他们敢继续对孩子不好? 鼓励孩子不但要跳舞,还要会斗争!当时老师那么对她
说,她就得针锋相对,一字一句,有板有眼地用咱孩子那纯正的英语,问那老家伙凭
什么不给咱妈感谢信?感谢信的标准是什么?有什么证据咱老妈不
够资格拿?你要不给我就要去告你! 孩子要有这魅力,那老家伙对她一百个好.还敢这样一而再,再儿
三地在班上提事儿?

要加拿大对你不好了,怎么办,回国?! 那就干脆别来了.都回家算了,更省事儿.

给人家做了事情,受了不公平的待遇,还对女儿道歉?就这样言传身教,以后还不给别人欺负死.

 

[venture]

My view, you should talk to the director face to face first, remember to make an appointment, and let them know you want to solve the problem.

Focus on your daughter's feeling, this is the centre of the whole issue here.

Admit that you also have some problem on how to do volunteer work, but all your initiative is trying to help out (no matter how bad your job is done, you did have a warm heart to help out, it is just a matter of being non-experienced volunteer).

Admit your view on the chinese canadian bias issue in the letter is wrong. Agree here that your Enlish is a bit poor.

Finally and most importantly, talk to her teacher directly with the present of
the school director. Agree somewhat her
view, but what she really did it wrong is she should have talk to yourself directly, not in front of the kids.Most
importantly, not to mention your daughter's name when deal with the issue
of volunteer.

In the end, all you need is to strainten the thing out for your daughter is her teacher should apolygize to your daughter and your whole family for the insultation and the phycological affect to your daughter. Most important to let your gaughter know: Her techer's behavor is wrong morally, she should not be a teacher just because of this. Also when teacher does things wrong, she should apoligize too.

If you can not get the things straightened, tell them you are going to
publish the whole story in the local newspaper.


I was very mad to read your story at the beginning, but I think there is quite some mis-communcation here from both sides, I think you can solve the problem by talk to then directly first.

Best of luck!

 

[kliu]

It's unfortunate for the little girl's bad experience, but there's no evidence that the old lady has cultural discrimination. Had you actually helped anyone else beside the daughter and knitting? If so, you could provide proof for the teacher to rejustify about her comment.

However, volunteer is volunteer, so you shouldn't expect any reward nor appreciation, and you should also teacher you daughter about this important fact as well. Think about this, what you would have said to your daughter when you see a volunteer picking up dirty garbage on the street? "O, dirty, don't walk too close.."

I advise you to apologize for your false claim about the school's cultural discrimination though, because this is a very serious accusation. I bet they couldn't even tell if you are Chinese or Korean or Japanese or Malaysian. Knitting is kinda "international", so you can't say it has implication either. You shouldn't mention their school name here either; otherwise they can sue you for that.

I think the teacher is kinda inappropriate to distribute the letters to the children in public though. Instead, she should give the letters directly to the parents at a private time. The children are praised for their effort during the performance, but not for whatever their parents contributed. All children are created equal.

 

[开喜]

这贴的确值得加精. 首先赞赏楼主有勇气将这件事摆出来请大家出主意谈意见, 其次很欣慰看见这么多人给楼主出谋划策, 即使觉得楼主自己做的也有不当的地方, 也非常平和友善地提出建设性的意见来. 过去看到过不少生意纠纷家体不合的帖子, 本意是拿来请大家"评评理", 结果一般不出10贴就开始被拍砖了, 来讨同情的最后往往还碰一鼻子灰. 而这一贴, 也许因为受伤害的是孩子吧, 大家都这么齐心协力帮助楼主, 帮助那个无辜受委屈的孩子. 这么多贴提供的意见都那么温暖人心. 服了, 咱渥村的人就是好.