华尔街时报文章：为什么中国妈妈是一流的？
- 主题发起人 GRAND KING
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今天陪着猫儿去参加Canterbury H的考前workshop，那洋人呜殃呜殃的，谁讲人家不推我看比过咱中国爹妈
真快啊，转眼都要high了。。俺知道猫儿肯定差不了，到底是lisgar还是canterbury呀？
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不太理解对作者的敌意来自何处？她不就是一位妈妈吗？她不过说出了自己的经验。唯一能检验她的人是她的女儿们。
另外58楼给出的没名没姓的“真实案例“不能当真。
再看段书评：
另外58楼给出的没名没姓的“真实案例“不能当真。
再看段书评：
蔡教授的书是好书，绝对属于能赢得对手称赞的文采，谢谢网友推荐！不少地方都让我笑出声来，如果我流落到荒岛上只能见到一个人的话，我宁愿见到她而不是跟自己意见一致但比较乏味的；也很大气，如果要吵架，宁愿跟这样的人吵一辈子不愿跟这里见到的某些人多说一句：）她的这些个人魅力加上天生丽质，一定是让她在如此的强势性格下仍然赢得家人朋友的感情的原因。她确实非常honest, 非常自信勇敢。。。
她的教育方式已经被人说过太多了，实在没有什么可以再说的，只能说在她实际做过的事情中，WSJ只披露了冰山一角。。。
可以理解有些我很欣赏的网友能够欣赏她的原因, 一是因为她们的丰富人生经历已经造就了见怪不怪能在任何人事上找到正面因素的能力，二是因为她们也确实跟蔡教授讨论到的很多decline深有同感。我想说：I don't hold anything against you on this。
从这本书里我最受益的其实是她的故事，而不是她的message. 如果总结一下她家三代人的成长过程，以及她先生的成长过程，不难看出人生最出彩的地方往往是跟父母不同的地方，不管是什么教育方式下长大的。她父亲反叛离家，富商世家出身的大学教授，可以想象那些继承祖业的兄弟都不如他成功。她虽然非常崇拜父亲，非常想踏着父亲的足迹，但她终于不象他父亲可以在数理上成才，而是阴差阳错在法律和写书上创下自己的一片天地。她的反叛的二女儿恰是两个孩子里更有音乐天赋的，她其实是热爱音乐的，虽然被妈妈百般折磨，还是没有完全放弃音乐，又给自己找到了网球的passion. 连她自己都认为二女儿将来前途无量。在蔡教授最害怕“family decline"的时候，family renewal一直在进行，她做的最有用的一件事也许就是嫁了一个跟自己完全不同的人。她认为孩子的很多优秀品质都来自她先生那边，大女儿成熟沉静的好脾气，女儿们的音乐艺术天赋。。。她先生虽然在书中是比女儿还小的配角，但是他的气场读者能清楚地感受到，如果没有孩子爸爸，这两个孩子很可能就成为没有成功的朗朗。
回想一下我们自己的人生经历，多数人最出色的可能就是跟父母的轨道分歧的地方，break the mold. 父母不可能设计孩子的人生方向，连蔡教授这样强大的人都不行，但父母可以把自己最好的品质传给孩子。蔡教授家三代父母都做到了，但不是以她认为的威逼方式，而是despite their harsh parenting style; 她先生家也做到了，相信我们也可以做到。After all, apples don't fall far from the tree
http://bbs.wenxuecity.com/znjy/1391639.html
咱也转一个书评：
[ame="http://www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A188NTJ5LV8LA4/ref=cm_cr_dp_auth_rev?ie=UTF8&sort_by=MostRecentReview"]Okay for entertainment, dismal for parenting, [/ame]January 14, 2011
This review is from: [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Battle-Hymn-Tiger-Mother-Chua/dp/1594202842/ref=cm_aya_orig_subj"]Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (Hardcover)[/ame]
I read the entire book. As a story, the book is very entertaining. As a parenting experience, it was obsessive and absurd. Other reviewers go into detail about her parenting. The following points struck me the most:
Since her children were very small, the author made them practice piano and/or violin for 3-6 hours non-stop every day. What's even worse is this - the author (who doesn't play either instrument) would sit next to her children or stand behind them, criticizing them, for the entire practice time. She was there every minute of the children's music lessons with their teachers, taking detailed notes to harague her children with at home. She says she wasn't a helicopter parent, but if this isn't hovering over your children and living vicariously through them, I don't know what is.
The author, who has no experience playing herself, learns more than a decade later that a musician's hands can get tired (from overplaying), that forcing and forcing music means the music sounds empty, etc. But still she keeps on going pushing her children to play non-stop for hours.
Also, she has no intention of letting her children actually be professional musicians. She sees it as a stepping stone to an ivy league school.
The author is stunningly prejudiced, narrow minded, and judgmental. White parents or Western parents do this, "Chinese" parents do that. Drums means doing drugs. Not winning first place is for losers. Her values on "success" make me cringe - Yale, Princeton, Harvard, Juillard, ivy league school - are mentioned repeatedly in this book. She spends most of her children's childhood yelling at them and pushing them to get into harder and harder programs. Her home is miserable with tension, including the children and her husband, and she just keeps on ignoring the stress that she's causing her family.
As proof that she is doing the right thing, the author mentions repeatedly that she is praised by other parents on how well her children behaved, and that her youngest daughter used to like to cuddle with her after a harsh lesson. Guess what? Even abused children often say they want to go home with their parents...
The reality is that her 2 kids have 2 parents who are ivy league law schools professors, and there are rich relatives on each side of the family (as we are told). Statistically, her kids are going to be far ahead of other kids anyway.
Personally, she lucked out with her husband, who let her have her way with the kids. Any other guy probably would have divorced her early on for her obsessive, shrieking, berating tendencies.
She insulted her children often, calling them lazy, stupid, fat, etc., as proof that she believed they could be better. (It would be interesting if a husband said this to his wife as proof that he believed she could be better...). I wonder where child protective services were? In Canada, this would be emotional abuse and grounds for removing a child from a home. Must be nice to be a US law professor and be able to say, this is how my loving Chinese parents raised me...She's mean to her kids and nice to everyone else.
I like the part where she congratulates herself on having such successful children, although by the end of the book her youngest was only 13 and just started to rebel against her mother. Good luck, I thought, see where they are at age 25, once they're out in the real world. By the way, it's common for Chinese Americans to have a quarter-life crisis at 25, when they switch out of careers chosen by their families, to pursue their own interests ("Hitting the Bamboo Ceiling").
I would recommend reading this book for its entertainment value only. I wouldn't recommend any of the parenting practices.
[ame="http://www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A188NTJ5LV8LA4/ref=cm_cr_dp_auth_rev?ie=UTF8&sort_by=MostRecentReview"]Okay for entertainment, dismal for parenting, [/ame]January 14, 2011
This review is from: [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Battle-Hymn-Tiger-Mother-Chua/dp/1594202842/ref=cm_aya_orig_subj"]Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (Hardcover)[/ame]
I read the entire book. As a story, the book is very entertaining. As a parenting experience, it was obsessive and absurd. Other reviewers go into detail about her parenting. The following points struck me the most:
Since her children were very small, the author made them practice piano and/or violin for 3-6 hours non-stop every day. What's even worse is this - the author (who doesn't play either instrument) would sit next to her children or stand behind them, criticizing them, for the entire practice time. She was there every minute of the children's music lessons with their teachers, taking detailed notes to harague her children with at home. She says she wasn't a helicopter parent, but if this isn't hovering over your children and living vicariously through them, I don't know what is.
The author, who has no experience playing herself, learns more than a decade later that a musician's hands can get tired (from overplaying), that forcing and forcing music means the music sounds empty, etc. But still she keeps on going pushing her children to play non-stop for hours.
Also, she has no intention of letting her children actually be professional musicians. She sees it as a stepping stone to an ivy league school.
The author is stunningly prejudiced, narrow minded, and judgmental. White parents or Western parents do this, "Chinese" parents do that. Drums means doing drugs. Not winning first place is for losers. Her values on "success" make me cringe - Yale, Princeton, Harvard, Juillard, ivy league school - are mentioned repeatedly in this book. She spends most of her children's childhood yelling at them and pushing them to get into harder and harder programs. Her home is miserable with tension, including the children and her husband, and she just keeps on ignoring the stress that she's causing her family.
As proof that she is doing the right thing, the author mentions repeatedly that she is praised by other parents on how well her children behaved, and that her youngest daughter used to like to cuddle with her after a harsh lesson. Guess what? Even abused children often say they want to go home with their parents...
The reality is that her 2 kids have 2 parents who are ivy league law schools professors, and there are rich relatives on each side of the family (as we are told). Statistically, her kids are going to be far ahead of other kids anyway.
Personally, she lucked out with her husband, who let her have her way with the kids. Any other guy probably would have divorced her early on for her obsessive, shrieking, berating tendencies.
She insulted her children often, calling them lazy, stupid, fat, etc., as proof that she believed they could be better. (It would be interesting if a husband said this to his wife as proof that he believed she could be better...). I wonder where child protective services were? In Canada, this would be emotional abuse and grounds for removing a child from a home. Must be nice to be a US law professor and be able to say, this is how my loving Chinese parents raised me...She's mean to her kids and nice to everyone else.
I like the part where she congratulates herself on having such successful children, although by the end of the book her youngest was only 13 and just started to rebel against her mother. Good luck, I thought, see where they are at age 25, once they're out in the real world. By the way, it's common for Chinese Americans to have a quarter-life crisis at 25, when they switch out of careers chosen by their families, to pursue their own interests ("Hitting the Bamboo Ceiling").
I would recommend reading this book for its entertainment value only. I wouldn't recommend any of the parenting practices.
GRAND KING
KING
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虎妈：教养子女 中美平衡
-- 记者崔芳纽约专访
世界新闻网 http://gb.worldjournal.com/view/full_news/11007714/article--ifbase4-base136-JUU4JTk5JThFJUU1JUFBJUJEJUVGJUJDJTlBJUU2JTk1JTk5JUU5JUE0JThBJUU1JUFEJTkwJUU1JUE1JUIzLSVFNCVCOCVBRCVFNyVCRSU4RSVFNSVCOSVCMyVFOCVBMSVBMQ~~?instance=m3
-- 记者崔芳纽约专访
世界新闻网 http://gb.worldjournal.com/view/full_news/11007714/article--ifbase4-base136-JUU4JTk5JThFJUU1JUFBJUJEJUVGJUJDJTlBJUU2JTk1JTk5JUU5JUE0JThBJUU1JUFEJTkwJUU1JUE1JUIzLSVFNCVCOCVBRCVFNyVCRSU4RSVFNSVCOSVCMyVFOCVBMSVBMQ~~?instance=m3
以「虎妈的战歌」(Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother)引发中美教育理念之争的蔡美儿(Amy Chua)13日接受本报专访时表示，由于华尔街日报标题惊人，近日来收到成千上万封威胁信件，许多人指责她「虐待儿童」和「丑化亚裔」，「他们没有阅读全书造成误解，这令我痛苦和难过，而贯串全书的是我如何改变教养方式。」她说，而且许多指责仍出于不理解华裔家庭的文化背景。
蔡美儿说，丈夫鲁宾福(Jed Rubenfeld，音译)对她的严苛式教养作风比较支持，他是美国犹太裔，从小成长环境比较宽松，「他倒希望父母对他严厉一些，逼他学习外语和乐器。」蔡美儿认为自己的成功归功于父母严加教管，「我父母非常严厉，相比之下，我管孩子已经很宽松了。」
蔡美儿强调，她在书中传达两个重要的教育理念，一是父母应让孩子感受到无私的爱，二是寻求中美妈妈教养方式的平衡，「不要学西方妈妈轻易让孩子放弃，鼓励孩子尽量做到最优秀。」
蔡美儿表示，「虎妈的战歌」出发点并不是指导父母们养儿育女之道，而是在她的二女儿蔡思珊(LuLu)出现严重叛逆情绪、导致家庭危机时回顾18年为人母的经验，用两个月的时间挥笔写就的回忆录。蔡美儿说，书一开始就给出「中国妈咪」的定义，并不单纯指华裔，而且也强调许多华裔父母与她教养子女方式不同。
蔡美儿说，她对女儿严格规定的「不许」是有些夸张(exaggerate)，但女儿们并不觉得恐怖，反而认为好笑。在被问到为何「不许玩钢琴和小提琴外的任何乐器」，蔡美儿表示，确实后悔当年没有给女儿们更多选择，譬如大提琴和口琴，但认为钢琴和小提琴比较有挑战性，但她也不断调整自己，坦然接受女儿放弃拉小提琴。
蔡美儿说，两个女儿非常有人缘，朋友很多，与老师和同学关系甚密，「她们自信坚强，非常有个性。」18岁的大女儿蔡思慧(Sophia)今年在申请大学，已经接到大学提前录取的通知，但为保护孩子隐私，她拒绝透露是哪里所大学。
本周末她要给二女儿蔡思珊举办15岁生日派对，已经邀请七位好友过夜。蔡美儿说，如果在朋友家过夜只是看电视、玩脸书，她当然不允许。「许多美国妈妈让假期让孩子去欧洲旅游三个月，我规定女儿们满18岁后，对事物有更好的判断再独自闯世界。」
她说，「玩伴日」(playdates)有助孩子结交朋友，培养社交技巧，但西方母亲注入太多浪漫色彩，过于重视孩子自尊心和受欢迎的程度。
针对有些美国母亲对她的一些作法感到「残忍」，蔡美儿说，因为她们缺少对华裔家庭文化背景的理解，她说，华裔父母称孩子「小胖子」、「懒虫」、「无能」，前提是孩子明白父母的爱心和调侃，懂得父母是敦促他们努力做到更优秀。她书中讲到曾威胁女儿会「烧掉动物玩具」，但孩子们知道母亲不会真的下手，她们一次野外郊游时女儿丢失一个动物玩具，蔡美儿曾开车200哩去帮孩子找回来。
